Portrait of a Writer

      The lonely figure sat at the keyboard watching as the words flowed from her mind through her fingers to appear on the screen.  Dressed in her favorite pajamas and oversized robe, a cup of coffee sat off to one side now cold as the figure was so engrossed in what she was doing.  A cigarette dangled from her mouth with an ash about to drop and yet she was still unaware.

       The words flowed quickly as her fingers moved smoothly and with extreme speed along the keyboard to record each word the  muse in her mind was sending.

          With no interruptions, the muse actively jumped and danced and shouted out the words to the mind as the writer continued to type them as quickly as they descended upon her.  The story took on a life of its own with no control from the writer.  

          The muse was in control pulling memories from the past to interweave into the fiction being written.  The inspiration from visions, from dreams and real life transformed into a story pulling the writer into the center of its universe and making her feel the pain or the love or even the hate inspired by the characters who transformed mysteriously from thin air.

       For hours on end, the writer tells the story until the muse has lost its way, leaving the writer to sit and stare at the screen before her trying to add to what the muse has given her and yet the words seem to fail.

      Slowly the writer stands up, looking at the cold coffee and the stub of the cigarette.  Time for a break before the muse returns to send the words to be written.

Barbara Foster
Copyright (c) 2015

SPRINGTIME

Sunshine brings warmth and clear star filled skies bring the night chill.

Green mist hovers between ground and sky slowly turning

  the barren limbs of trees into a new beginning of full green

  leaves.

Yellow Daffodils wave gently in the breeze as if to say

  Good bye Winter, Hello Spring.

Hyacinths stand proudly in their spring colors of pink, blue, 

  purple and white.

Green grass covers the brown of winter dotted with dandelions

  and purple sage.

Robins dance along the grass gaily singing their song of Spring, while

  Bluebirds soar through the trees singing their songs of praise.

Oh, how I love the spring with its new life and promise,

  

It was five years ago today that you left this earthly abode to set your soul free.  The pain you suffered is gone but the void you left will never be forgotten.

You are remembered each and every day.  Sometimes it is a word or maybe a song but often it is just that feeling that you are missing.  The grief remains even though the tears aren't as often but when they fall, they fall silently as I sit alone wondering why you were taken so soon and so quickly from my loving arms.

I long to hear your voice or to feel your touch and when I look at the pictures they are just memories now.    We used to talk that our lives had crossed since our youth and that it was meant to be that we would be soul mates.  We had many years together and now a part of me is gone.  I look up to the heavens and search for a star.  We used to say our stars were up there close together but now I only see one.  I keep searching hoping to see a glimmer next to a bright star as a sign that you are there waiting for me to join you so we can shine brightly in the night sky to show everyone we are together again.

One day there will be two stars but for now I only look for one that glitters and winks and lets me know that you are there watching over me and our family.   Until that time I can only hold on to the memories and try to smile through my tears as I look out the window hoping to see you coming to me or saying something knowing you are not here to hear me.  The pain in my heart will never go away and can only be mended when we are together again.

In loving memory of my soul mate, Harold.   

The Truth about the VA Scandal

What better way to deny our veteran's care that was promised to them when they entered the military, than to destroy the VA system?  And that is exactly what this scandal and our government is doing.  They are only talking about the few that they feel they can shut down because they are the larger ones but in reality, there are several VA hospitals that do provide excellent care and consideration for our veterans and if you will note, there is no mention of them at all---only the ones they know will do the most damage.  

For years my husband who was a Veteran heard stories about the VA and I will admit there have been some that have had problems but it was because of the people in charge of those facilities.  In 1999, the VA was looking for veterans and my husband talked to someone and soon began seeing a doctor in the Little Rock VA hospital.  It was then and there that they discovered and diagnosed his Melanoma.  He received treatment without incident and we couldn't have asked for better care.  Even when we left Arkansas, we made the 8 hour round trip for his checkup and eventual lymph gland surgery in April 2008 in hopes they had eradicated the cancer cells.  

It was by accident that he made a trip to the ER of the Muskogee VA hospital and soon changed from Little Rock to Muskogee as it was closer and we felt the health care was as good if not better.  The VA in Little Rock handles a large volume of veterans but they never let anyone go without care or made them wait.  The Muskogee hospital is smaller but yet equipped with the necessary things and excellent doctors, nurses and staff to handle the care needed by the veterans.  He had his checkups and again we felt he was getting the best care and in talking to other vets they all feel the same way.  In Oct. 2009 they discovered the Melanoma had spread to his liver and immediately started treatment even though it had advanced to Stage 4. 

The cells had hidden in the liver and were undetected until they had spread creating a death sentence.  The doctor explained it all to us as treatment began with our knowledge that he only had a few months left.  The health care he received was the best we could ask for and the doctors, nurses and staff were caring and treated us like family.  They grieved with us when he lost his battle and to this day they have not forgotten us or him and I can walk into that hospital any day of the week and see the care that the veterans are getting and there are no complaints.  I'm sure there are other VA hospitals across this country that are just as good but now they are being brought down with the few that our government wants to get rid of so they cannot honor the promise they made to the veterans.  

As a country, we should all be mad as hell and stand up to the tyrants who are trying to destroy the system and ignore those who have fought for their rights to live freely. 

I remember something that my husband said one time when we were waiting for him to get in to his appointment.  There had been an emergency and they told everyone that there would be some delay and apologized.  Some of the veterans were angry that they had to wait to get in to see their doctor and voiced their opinion but it was those who thought they should be at the first of the line.  My husband said, "Being here is no different than being in the service.  You have to learn that you can't always get what you want when you want it and you can't always be first."  He got in that day along with the others with maybe an hour or two longer wait but as he said, you have to learn to have patience.

So I will salute and praise the John L. McClellan Memorial VA Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas and the Jack C. Montgomery Memorial VA Hospital in Muskogee, Oklahoma for the care they provide our veterans and I hope that they will continue giving out the excellent care they have shown they are capable of doing.

I also might add that I have talked to numerous families of veterans who have had their loved ones cared for by these facilities and I keep hearing the same good things I've stated above.  Excellent care from caring doctors, nurses and staff.  When you walk into the Muskogee VA, it is common that a veteran will be thanked and called by name.  It is uncanny how they can remember the names but they do and you couldn't ask for a friendlier bunch of people.  It all goes back to the administration and how they are able to provide this care.  

So let's tell our government to quit trying to destroy the VA hospitals or to privatize them.  Tell our elected officials to quit thinking they are so elite that our veterans are going to have to pay twice just so they can sit around drawing huge paychecks, large pensions and doing absolutely nothing for this country but destroying it.

I am asking everyone who reads this to share it or if you know anyone who has received good care from a good VA hospital, please share but most of all we all need to support our veterans and get rid of the tyrants who want to forget them and not honor the promise made to them.

Barbara Foster proud wife of a veteran, Harold D. Foster (1940 to 2010)

The Lonely Path

Four years ago yesterday I lost my true love, my soul mate and my friend and husband and four years ago today I embarked on a lonely path.  One without my protector and caregiver.  I would face challenges that I never thought of and remembered the promise that I made to him that I could take care of myself.  But there have been times when I've doubted my ability to do so and I miss his guidance and him being here to help through those times.

We had over 47 years together, often working side by side but even if we were apart, the time we spent together we worked on projects together.  It was like we were a team and one needed the other to complete it.  Oh, we had our disagreements but somehow we always managed to work them out and be there to support one another.

Support we did.  No matter what it was, we always supported the other in any endeavor and made sure they could do their best.  

For a while I could feel his presence and I still do at times, but then there are the times when I am alone and I am struggling with something and I know he is watching over me and guiding me.  I may not hear his voice or see his face or feel his hand take mine but I know he is with me and always will be a part of me.

The biggest blessing I have had during this lonely path has been having my daughters and my grandchildren close to me.  To be able to talk with them and for us to remember the happy times gets us all through this dark time when our beloved husband and father is away from us.  His time was too short and he was taken too soon from us but he will always live in our hearts.

Taking this lonely path has made me stronger in one way as I have had to make decisions on my own but I always ask myself what he would do before I make that decision.  Maybe being so close and almost knowing what each other would say or do, I can make the decision knowing it would be one that we both would have made together.  

The worst part of this lonely path is not being able to just talk to him, to ask him if I'm doing it right.  I get support from my daughters but it isn't quite the same.  I relied on Harold, he was my rock and now that rock is gone.

It is hard to listen to a song that I knew he liked or watch a movie he liked or even go to places he liked to go too.  Not because I am trying to forget but they only bring pain now knowing he isn't here with me to enjoy it too.  I know he didn't want to leave anymore than we wanted to lose him but I don't think he will ever be far from my thoughts or my heart.  

So I travel down the lonely path knowing that one day we will be together again and that I do have the love and caring of my family near me to help me through these dark moments.

In Loving Memory

Harold Foster

1940 - 2010

Good Bye 2013

I'm sitting here in front of the TV and the computer waiting for the midnight hour.  It really doesn't seem any different than any other night for me.  Except that tomorrow I will have to remember to date everything with the new year.

I had thought about getting some snack items and having a little party but decided I really didn't need all that junk or the calories, let alone all the cholesterol that would come with them.  So I did fix some crackers and cheese so I can say I had a little celebration.

Everyone I know either doesn't stay up to celebrate or they are out of town or have plans so the past few years I've been alone.  So it really isn't a big deal anymore.  I stay up late almost every night so tonight isn't really any different.  The only thing is I'm watching the celebrations on TV where I usually would be watching reruns of JAG or Dr. Quinn or maybe Pawn Stars, Counting Cars or American Pickers or that restoration show.  I know I live an exciting life.  LOL!

I only hope this next year will be a good year.  I have some plans and I'd like to see them completed and start a new way of life.  Got to get through all this cold weather of winter and then it will be a busy spring with cleaning and thinning out things as I will be downsizing to a smaller place, I hope, and will be closer to family.

It's been a great year with my family.  We've had family gatherings.  We've shared a lot of good times with a couple of bad times but we are strong and it just brings us all closer together.

We miss our loved one but we know he is with us and watching over us.  So as we end this year, I am looking forward with anticipation for a good year filled with happiness and hopefully healthier than this past one.

So I say Good bye 2013 and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014.

CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I sit here early in the morning of Christmas Eve thinking back on the year and wondering where the time went.  It seems only a few months ago we were gathering to celebrate Christmas and here we are again.

The gifts are wrapped but I didn't do the holiday baking this year.  I left that up to Melanie and Michele.  I cut back on my decorating as well, not because I didn't want it but mainly due to the weather we had.  It has been cold or stormy so I picked one nice day and put up what I could outside and then decorated the inside so it does look a lot like Christmas.

This could be the last Christmas that I will spend here in this house as it goes up for sale this spring.  I'll be going through all my stuff and having a heck of a sale as I'll be downsizing plus I have way too much stuff and don't need half of it.  I will miss having all the Christmas decorations for outside but I won't really have a place for them so they will go too.  I'll keep some but most will go.  And I guess it is time to narrow down what decorations I really use year after year.  I have enough decorations that I could decorate 3 or 4 trees and will cut that back to just one saving out my favorite decorations and of course all the old antique ones I have.  

I call them antique as I still have decorations that Harold and I bought for our first Christmas 51 years ago plus I have some other family pieces.

But back to the passing of the year.  Michele moved out in March but again it only seems like a couple of months ago.  The summer was a wet and cooler summer than what we've had the past couple of years so it meant getting out to mow when I had a couple of nice days and the yard was dry.  The fall came quickly and again wet and cool so the leaves didn't get mulched or raked.  But the worst came with the coming of winter the first part of December with temps in the 20's and teens at night and then mid December brought us a sleet and ice storm with 4 1/2" of snow.  We actually got lucky and didn't have as much ice as some places and our temps warmed enough for it to melt off right away.

We did get the generator out and I have gas for it in case I would need it.  I pray during each storm that I won't have to.  First of all, I can't start it so I'd have to call on a neighbor but he has offered to help if I need it.

Michele had back surgery last spring but it didn't work so will be going in Jan. 2014 to have another surgery.  Hopefully this time it will work but because they will fuse the bad discs she will be limited on what she will be able to do and have a 3 month recovery so the kids and I will be around to help when needed.

Melanie changed jobs and is back to working master control for Channel 8 in Tulsa.  It is a steady paycheck although she may take on a part time job as is saving her money for a trip to Europe next year.

In February I got Foxy who has been my constant companion.  She follows me around or is near me at all times.  She is my watch dog and warns me when someone comes even though her bark is much worse than her bite.  I have to laugh as I really don't think she would bite unless someone was trying to hurt me and then I think she would be as protective as she could.  As a 15 pound Pomeranian, she isn't real big but she has a big heart and gives me love and companionship.  I still have my cats and I'll always be a cat person but I have to say Foxy has stolen a part of my heart and I don't know what I would do without her now.

On Wednesday the house will be full of laughter, talk and gaiety as we all gather for our gift exchange and dinner.  There will be a lot of surprises this year but all for the good.

Now we will start looking forward to the new year and what plans we have made.  If they all work out, it will be a busy and eventful year for all of us.  For me, it will be a huge change in lifestyle and leaving some memories behind as I move forward to build new ones.

My wish for my family and my friends is that good health be with you and that your wishes and dreams come true.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY NEW YEAR