A Time For Change

Not much difference in my fictional book than what is happening in my real life story.  I've been wrestling with a decision for almost two years and I guess it is time for change.

I have fought it and argued with every possible argument but I'm losing ground and now it is time for action.  During the next few months I will be going through all my treasures and belongings eliminating those that are absolutely unnecessary and keeping those that I either can't part with or am not willing to give up just yet.  It will be a life altering experience downsizing but at the same time maybe I need to eliminate some of the "collections" I have accumulated that serve no purpose, except to give me pleasure.

I won't have to give up everything but I will admit that I am a collector, primarily of holiday decorations as well as object collections.  I have boxes and tubs of decorations for just about every holiday that comes along but once I leave this house, I know I will be in a smaller place and one that will belong to someone else so I may not be able to put out all the decorations that I do now.  I'm sure I will be able to put up a wreath on the door or maybe a small item on the porch but the days of stringing lights along the house and fence and setting up displays in the yard will be gone.

Christmas will be the hardest and I will keep some of it but the majority will have to go and I can only hope it goes to someone who will enjoy it as much as I have.

When Harold and I retired here, we had sold off a lot of our excess things but still this was our home and large enough for us to live comfortably and have the family visit and I was able to decorate so I replaced or bought new items.  But now he is gone and I'm here in a large house that has more empty rooms than full ones, a large yard that requires more work than I'm capable of keeping up with plus not to mention all the little repairs that need to be done.

I said at the time that I wanted to stay here until I had to be carried out to a care home or in a pine box but I thought he was invincible and would always be with me.  But that changed over three years ago and I've been on my own struggling to just keep up.  It takes me twice as long to mow and trim up the yard and once I get behind, there is no catching up.  The house, as I said, needs some minor repairs and recently I've had some problems with appliances.

Living on a limited income just doesn't cover the extra expenses.  I had to have a tree cut down, an unexpected expense and when I consider the extra costs of home ownership, I can see it is coming to an end for me.

I have a choice of trying to get into an apartment which I really don't think I would be happy as I've had my own home and most of the time in a rural area or one with a large lot so I have plenty of outdoor space or I can move into a trailer park where my daughter Michele lives.  It is in town but on the edge of town so I'd have the feeling of being in a rural setting and still have some privacy.  It is a quiet park with families and older residents and I would have a little more room.  I'm leaning that way.  I wouldn't have any yard work and if something breaks down or needs fixing, I would call the landlord.

So I guess this is my time for change and this time I am going to have to see it through to the end.  The decision has been made and there is no going back.  The house will be put on the market in the spring when people are looking for a lake home or retreat and hopefully will sell quickly and I can get resettled and on with my new life.  It is a sad decision and I am having mixed feelings already but it is one of necessity and so as I promised Harold, I will be strong and I will survive.