April Tidbits

I've meant to come in and write something all month but it seemed there was always something coming up and I'd miss the opportunity.

April 1st, April Fool's Day.  Luckily I didn't have any pranks pulled on me and unfortunately I didn't pull any on anyone else.  But I guess that is a good thing.

Easter.  I can remember Easter past when we would have an egg hunt and the kids were here for dinner and we would gather for a mini reunion but this year I was alone.  I didn't even get the Easter Egg collection out.  The family is scattered and working or have their own things to do which is normal as families grow and get involved in their own lives.  Sometimes I wonder though if we should make a more concentrated effort to get back to the way we used to do things.  We are in such a rat race anymore.  Now, there are circumstances and I certainly understand them.  Sometimes it is necessary to work just to survive.  Especially in this day and age.  The economy has deteriorated until it makes it almost impossible sometimes to do the things we have done in the past.  

With high gas prices, we can't just get into the car and drive to see the family without seeing where we have to cut something out of the budget so we can afford the trip.  And then there is the cost of extras for a trip, food or even lodging at times.  And of course, there is the every day survival.

But I talked with my family and I won't complain as I know it is a fact of life that it changes and sometimes we cannot control those changes so we learn how to live with them.

This has been a weird month with the weather, starting out very warm and I called the serviceman to checkout the a/c and since then haven't had the warm weather to even use it.  There are days when the furnace clicks on due to the damp chilly day or a chilly night.  We've had our fair share of storms and rain and I hope we don't float away but at the same time I don't want the fountain to shut off completely as I dread another hot dry summer.

This past week has been something else.  It started out nice after all the horrible weather we had over the previous weekend with the tornadoes and bad storms.  I got the mower out and was ready to work when it broke.  Luckily I have a young neighbor across the street who told me what it was and we were able to order the part and he will be able to fix it and get me going again.  But on that same day, I went to turn on the outside outlet which is a no-fault ground outlet but I heard the sizzle and saw the smoke coming out of it.  All the rains we've had, it had gotten wet and shorted out.  So it was a call to an electrician the same day I had to order repair parts for the mower.  I could see the $$ adding up.

I again feel lucky and fortunate as the part wasn't all that expensive and the quote for the electrical work plus a couple of other things I wanted done and had put off was well within reason.  I guess the shorted out electric outlet was my signal to quit procrastinating and get the electrician out here to do the other work I needed done.  For instance, he will use the wiring from the old hookup that we installed for the trailer to run a new line and install another outlet for me outside on the north side of the house.  We have a shortage of outside outlets so it will be great to have another one.  Plus he will lower the porch light on the north side.  It was mounted almost to the peak of the house and required a ladder to change the light bulb but he can lower it so I can use the step stool.  Little things but so important.

On the 17th, my youngest grandson turned 11.  Oh, these kids are growing up so fast.

My neighbor has been fishing and has caught a huge mess so the last of this month we will be having a big fish fry.  My mouth is already watering.  He can make the best catfish filets and hush puppies.

I'm still working on my landscaping in the front and hopefully once this weather settles down, I can really get busy and get it finished.  I have the timbers in place but haven't put the plastic down yet.  I'll wait until I get the mulch here for that.  Then I can get my flowers and plant them and soon the old place will be all spruced up for the rest of spring into summer and fall.

Just a few tidbits about what is going on in my little corner of the world.  I hope you and yours are doing well.  Until next time, smile and be happy and don't let life's little mishaps get you down.

Springtime in Oklahoma

After a very mild winter, one of which I am most thankful for, our spring came early.  The Daffodils were up and blooming by mid February and the Hyacinths which usually are just beginning their bloom have bloomed and are going dormant now. 

Spring has come early to Oklahoma.  But with it also comes the unstable weather.  I wanted to work in the yard, raking leaves to burn or mulch.  I discovered quickly that the most calmest day could change with a snap of the fingers or should I say, the start of the rake as I raked leaves into a pile.  All of a sudden, a slight breeze would appear from no where and then get stronger until all my work went right back to where it all started.

It is the same way with the mower.  I got it out one day when it was nice and calm and before I had made one round the wind had suddenly appeared and from then on, I think I received more of the dirt and mulched up leaves than was left on the ground.

I don't remember having this much wind in Oklahoma when we lived here before but now there are days when I'm housebound somewhat due to the wind blowing.  It is too much to do any raking and forget about burning the pile of leaves if I do get them raked.

But I also have one other little problem.  One night, it was calm and I took advantage of the lateness of the evening to rake a nice large pile of leaves into the driveway.  I was raking away and heard a noise.  I turned to see two of my kitty cats running and jumping in the middle of the pile and digging away as if looking for treasure.  Reminded me of my own daughters when they were young and we would tell them to rake up the leaves only to see them jumping in the pile and having a ball.  Needless to say I was able to get the kitties away and burned the one small pile as the sun set and darkness set in.  Making sure the embers were out, I retired for the night hoping the next day would be nice enough that I could burn the rest.  But when I am raking now, they seemed to think it is play time.

But the next day Mother Nature had other ideas.  First, she turned on the wind to blow the pile of remaining leaves into all the nooks and crannies where they could pile up and collect and when she turned off the wind, she turned on the faucet.  Yes, rain with all its glory of thunder, lightning, wind and downpours.  For over 48 hours, we could only look out to see the puddles forming.

It was a great thing for the yard and flowers and trees and after the drought we suffered last year, the soil soaked up the moisture and the trees were taking in as much as they could.  With the new leaves forming, they needed the good drink and they got it.  The pollen they had been shedding was being washed away leaving yellow streaks on the sidewalk where it had formed into streamlets from the rain.

Ah, the occasional break with the sun peeking through and sometimes even giving us the clear blue sky only to cover up again with storm clouds and more rain showers.  Mother Nature does like to tease during the spring time.  At times, her fury is unleashed as the storms increase causing damage but we know her temper will subside soon and the gentle rains will go away along with the storms, or most of them.

As we progress from spring into summer, the storms she gives us are more severe and more threatening but are few and far between, but at the time, we head for cover waiting for her vengeance to end and praying that we have escaped her fury.

But then, we can have the most loveliest of days, perhaps a very gentle breeze but warm sunshine and the joy of being outside with nature to enjoy the beauty it gives us.  To take walks or to sit on the porch to listen to the birds and as I like to say, watch the world go by.  To visit with neighbors and friends is one of the joys of springtime and being able to be outside.

I think I like the springtime the best in Oklahoma.  The days are warm and to watch the waking of the trees and flowers after their winter nap makes each day seem special and alive with the new life.  To put up with a few rain drops occasionally can be a nuisance but I know it is a requirement so I bide my time knowing that once the rain is gone, the sun will shine and it is springtime in Oklahoma.

In Memory

It was a year ago today that I had a message on my answering machine that my mother had passed away.  I was expecting it but at the same time, we are never ready to let someone we love go.  It had just been over a year that I had lost my husband and now I had lost my other best friend, my mother.  The grief I felt was deep but at the same time I felt some relief knowing she was no longer in pain or discomfort.  Her last few weeks had been horrible for her.  She had been taken from a nice caring place and subjected to a long ride which resulted in a stroke.  Then based upon false information, she was put through tests and treatments that were unnecessary and only tormented and tortured her.

I think that is what hurt the worst.  My brother and I had a long talk with her before we took her to the care home and we had a long talk with her afterwards and she was accepting her life change and  settling in.  But a family member could not accept it and through lies and deceit convinced her to leave.  The act of one unselfish and jealous person would hasten my mother's death.  It was so inconceivable to my brother and I that anyone could treat another human being the way my mother was treated.  And the fact, that we were cut off with communicating with her until it was near the end and she was in such a state that she didn't recognize our voices or heard what we said hurt both of us deeply.

As we both repeated how much we loved her and wished her the best, she was beyond comprehension.  In one short month, she had been turned from a social human being into one who was completely helpless.  We stood by and could do nothing but pray that she would find peace and her suffering would end.

It is a memory that I wish I could put away but I can't.  I feel as if I never really got to say good bye to her.  But I do know this and no one could ever change her mind.  My mother loved her children and even though she might not have been able to communicate with us, I'm sure she knew my brother and I loved her and were concerned for her regardless what she was being told or how she was being treated.

In this past year, I don't know how many times I've gone to the phone to call her to tell her about something.  I called her every Sunday for years and we would talk anywhere from an hour to three hours.  We talked about what we were doing or what the kids and grandkids were doing.  We talked about politics sometimes, but we each knew our limit but we still enjoyed a good conversation every now and then but most of all we did a lot of laughing.  Sometimes she would be in a reflective mood and tell me about growing up or the early years when my brother and I were small or something about the family.  I relish those conversations that we had and miss them so much.

It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last heard her voice.  But there are times when I think I hear her and I can see her in my mind, laughing and giving us that all knowing sly smile she often flashed at us.  She was a strong woman who chose to live on her own until almost the very end and she only gave up when her eyesight had failed her to the point she was almost completely blind.  She managed very well and now that I am on my own, I remember some of the things she told me which have helped me overcome some of the difficulties I've faced.  She always said to stop and think and not just jump at the first thing that came along and to take each day as it came because there was no way to go back to do over the previous day and we don't know what lay ahead of us.  She believed in God and in heaven and I know she is there and she always told me as well as my brother and her younger child that we should live a good but righteous life.  I think that is why my faith is so strong.  She was a good teacher and a good example.

So Mom, if you are looking down on me, I hope I am doing everything you taught me and making you proud.  I know that you are with Dad and Harold (Danny) and I miss you all so much but I hope you are looking down on me and that I am making you all proud.  And the memories of our good times will always be with me.  I love you and I miss you.

The Simple Things

We all experience little things that makes us happy and they don't all have to be large extravagant things.  Most of them are small and maybe a little insignificant to others but they mean a lot to us.  It is the simple things sometimes that can make us happiest.

Maybe it is a phone call from a child or grandchild just to talk or a visit from someone who haven't seen in a while.  It could be the first blooms of spring that brings a smile as you know it won't be long until the cold days of winter are behind us.

Recently I've had a series of simple things that have brought me happiness.  A neighbor who used to live across the street from me came by and I got to see her 4 month old baby boy.  I hadn't seen him since he was about 3 weeks old so he had changed.  I told her the first time I saw her that he gave me a smile and of course she just assumed he had gas but the other day she couldn't say that when he gave me the biggest smile and even giggled at me.  And when I took him, he giggled again.  So either I look awfully funny to him or he likes me and I think it is the later.  And there is nothing sweeter than a happy baby with a smile and who will snuggle up to you.

Then one evening the phone rang and it was my youngest granddaughter.  She was working on a school project and thought maybe I could help her.  We had more fun as I researched things on the internet to tell her about and stories from my memories.  Talking and laughing made the learning fun for her and I just enjoyed being able to enlighten her to something of my past too.

I've been desperately trying to find someone who could help me do a small remodeling job and was about ready to start doing it on my own, right or wrong, I was at the point that I wanted it done one way or the other.  And then, out of the blue, my neighbor's father approached me with a trade off.  He would do the work in exchange for some lumber I had and hadn't been able to sell.

It took him just a little over two days to put up a dividing wall on my long screened in patio.  He screened it and installed a door and then preceded to open the closed end so now I have a screened in porch and a carport.  It makes it very nice and handy as I can park close to the front door and the weather will not be a problem.

Having a place to park the car out of the weather is a very important thing to me as I always worried about a tree limb coming down or hail and now I know it is protected.  And I still have a nice size screened in porch that I can enjoy.

I've got so many good friends that have been there for me and are still here for me.  It is nice to be with them and talk and laugh and to go do fun things.

So maybe I don't live the most exciting life with a lot of pomp and circumstance but there are a lot of simple things that make me smile and makes me happy.

Where Did Winter Go?

I'm not complaining but I just wonder where it went this year.  We have had one of the mildest winters in a long, long time and I for one am very grateful.  We have had a few cold days and even a little snow but not like the past few winters and I have to admit that it has been very nice.

The aches and pains that come with the cold weather have been absent and the blahs that accompany days of being closed up in a house have been few as well.

When I was a youngster, I could hardly wait for winter and the snow.  But then I was young, no pains or aches and it was so much fun to get the old sled out and go sledding or to build a snow man or snow castle to have snowball fights.  It was fun to lie in the snow to make snow angels and no matter what the temperature, I would stay outside until I was almost frost bitten.

But now, that I've reached these golden years, I detest the cold and I can live without the snow.  I don't plan to do any sledding at my age or I would end up with more than just aches and pains.  I don't mind staying inside on a cold blustery day where it is warm and cozy.

I remember how I used to look forward to getting that new winter coat every year and now I'll wear the same one year after year after year, the only requirement is that it will keep me warm against those cold winds.

For the past couple of days, it has been warm and sunny and almost spring like.  I think I'm getting the fever but I know that there are still some cold days ahead of us and maybe even more snow but the weatherman keeps saying it is unlikely or if so, just a dusting or so.  Of course, that could mean we could see a blizzard before Miss Spring officially steps out for her debut.

She is teasing with the daffodils up and budded with an occasional bloom now and then.  She would like to bud out the trees but is just hinting at it for now, but if this nice weather continues, I know her enthusiasm will overflow and she won't be able to contain herself.

So if Mr. Winter is mild this year, we'll give him the time to rest as long as Miss Spring will be allowed to stay with us for awhile.  She can warm us gradually as we ease into Miss Summer with her long and very warm days and nights.

Keeping fingers crossed that Mr. Winter has decided to take a long rest and that Miss Spring will be sprouting her beauty soon.

I Did It

I've been talking for months about buying a new car but being on a fixed income, I was hesitate.  What if I couldn't make the payment?  What if my health got worse?  So many questions and yet I knew my old and trusty Taurus was getting to a point that it could just quit at any time or give me a huge repair bill.

I decided to really get serious and after going to the bank to see if I could qualify for a loan, I began to check prices and today I went in to our local Ford dealer and test drove a couple of cars.  I will have to say it is the first time that I have ever dealt with a salesman or a dealership that they actually treated me as a customer and listened to what I wanted and didn't try to sell me something I wasn't the remotely interested in.

I drove a couple of cars and I'll admit it was a tough decision as both were nice but I finally decided on one.  I wanted a red one and a sporty looking car and the Fiesta was red and sporty looking but it was also a little bit smaller than I felt comfortable in. 

But the Focus which is what I really wanted anyway was nice and I felt comfortable driving it and thought it would fit me better.  But it wasn't red.  But it is a pretty silvery gray and looks very rich but mainly it rides and drives great.

My old car had 189,769 miles and looked good but it had a few problems and I think it was fixing to give me some more problems so it was time to replace it but I have to admit I will miss it.  The 1998 Taurus was a great car and I really liked it but I think I'm going to like this new Focus just as much.

So now I won't feel so panicky or worried when I take off to go to town as I won't have the worry that it might break down on me.  And the nice thing is that everything works on it.  The windshield washers, the power windows and even the power door locks.  It will be fun just knowing I can roll a window up and down or lock my car and not worry that I can't get back in unless I crawl through the trunk.

It may sound silly but being alone, a woman and of a respectable older adult age (hate saying I'm getting old), I have a few more worries than a youngster so I'm very excited about having a new car now.  And it is kind of exciting to know that I was able to go by myself and deal and to get the deal I wanted.  In fact, I think that is the most exciting part.  I knew what I wanted and how much I wanted to pay and told them right up front and I got what I wanted.  Well, except for the color  but I'll get used to this one.

I guess my next adventure will be to plan a road trip.  I have to figure out who I can ask to take care of my menagerie outside and inside if I'm going to be gone longer than overnight but I'm sure I can get someone to take care of the kitties.

This ole granny isn't sitting in the rocking chair any more.  Now I got wheels and my new motto, "Have car, will travel."

In Remembrance

This blog is more for me to write down my thoughts but I welcome anyone who reads them.

Two years ago today, we woke up to a sunny but cool day just as today is.  My husband who was battling Melanoma woke up feeling better than he had for several days.  He had eaten a good meal the night before and had a good night's sleep.  He got up and wanted some toast which I made for him and then he went to lie down.  The chemo treatment was taking all his strength away and the morphine which was helping with the pain was also making him drowsy and listless at times.  He had cut back on a couple of the morphine pills as he said he didn't like feeling like a zombie.

Perhaps it was because he had cut back, that he seemed more awake and cognizant of what was going on that day.  

Melanie had moved her trailer in a few weeks before but due to the holidays and weather, they hadn't put in the water lines until then.  A friend of ours and Zach and Melanie were doing the work, digging a trench to lay the line from a spigot we had so a new spigot could be installed closer to the trailer.  

He wanted to go out there to see how things were going but was so weak that he couldn't but we were keeping him informed and as lunch time came around, he asked if we had any leftovers from the night before.  He had eaten a decent meal which was unusual as he said food didn't have much taste or it would upset his stomach but he ate a good helping of a pasta dish and green beans.  So I fixed him some leftovers and he came to the table to eat.  Still feeling weak but he said maybe if he got up and moved around, he might feel better.  He ate it without any problem and went back to lie down.

Within an hour, he was sick.  Everything he had eaten came up and he was exhausted from the heaving.  In his weakened condition, the slightest exertion wore him out.  He laid back on the bed and complained that his head hurt.  I got him a cold cloth and put a pan near the bed so he wouldn't have to get up again.  He had one more seizure of dry heaves and laid back down saying his head was hurting.  I knew it was from the exhaustion of vomiting but he was getting agitated.

Melanie had gone to Muskogee to get some needed parts they had to have for the new spigot and connection to the trailer.  Zach came in to say he was going home and would be back later.  He talked to his Pappa and left.

Harold continually felt worse but I was able to get him calmed down enough to try to rest.  I remember telling him, "Why don't you try to get some sleep?"  I got him another cold cloth and a glass of water of which he only took a sip.  He said he was cold so I pulled the covers up over him and he closed his eyes.

I went back to the room where we had my computer set up and I was close enough that I could hear him or just look around the corner to see him.  In fact, I did go over to him a couple of times to check on him and he was sleeping.

Melanie got back around 4 PM and came in as I had called her to let her know that he had been asking to go to the hospital.  Most of it was because he had been so ill and was afraid.  She came in to check on us and to see how he was doing.  We both stood at the door to the bedroom and could see him sleeping and heard him snoring quietly so we decided not to bother him as we knew it would be better for him to get some rest.

Around 5:30 I heard a noise and went to check on him, thinking he had woke up and needed something.  But he was still asleep so I thought he must have snored loudly or even maybe coughed a bit.  I remember the time as the local news was just going off and national news was coming on.  I knew I would have to wake him at 6 PM to give him his medicine.

At 6:00 I went in to wake him to give him his medicine and to see how he was feeling.  I couldn't get a response.  I called Melanie who came running in and then as I was on the phone calling for an ambulance, she was going next door to get a neighbor who knew CPR.

From then on, things were in a haze.  I remember people coming and going and the paramedics talking to me but it all seemed like a dream.  None of it seemed real and to this day when I remember that night, it is still hazy.  I remember Zach coming back and he couldn't believe that he was gone and to have Melanie and Zach here with me helped as the three of us clung to one another and shared our tears and our thoughts.  But it was a hard night and one in which my grandson had to grow up way to fast.

Calls had to be made to family and friends and our neighbors and friends were here sharing our grief as well.  Just two days before, Harold's friend and old Navy buddy, John, had come to see him and the two talked for several hours.  Harold was in bed and John sat by his bedside.  And later he told me that he was glad he had that chance to just sit and talk with him.

I think the suddenness of his passing so unexpected and so quickly was too much for any of us to comprehend and it was days later when I felt I was coming out of that nightmare of a dream.  And it was a nightmare.

We are never prepared to lose a loved one but when it is so sudden, the tragedy seems to cut deep and is hard to accept or even to let go.

It has been a hard two years for me and I will admit that maybe I should let go but I can't.  We had over 48 years together and had known each other for over 52 years so I lost my life partner, my lover and most of all my best friend.  They say time eases the pain and perhaps it does a little bit but at the same time, there are always little reminders that keep that loved one close to us and wishing he was here to share with us.

I look out over the yard towards the building that was his work shop and in my mind I can see him coming out the door and coming to the house or if I'm outside, I often look that way thinking I heard the sound of a saw or hammering.  There are times when I think he will walk through the door and this has all been one hell of a nightmare and not true.

But he is gone and I take each day as it comes.   He told me once that his only fear was leaving me as he knew I was fragile and he was afraid I couldn't make it by myself.  I teased him and told him, I was a tough old gal and would be fine.  I think that is what keeps me going.  I told him I would be fine and I have tried and I feel he would be proud of me.  And I'm very fortunate to have Melanie and Zach near by.  Melanie has been my rock and I hope I've been hers and Zach feels he has to take care of both of us and bless his heart, he does.

So I am remembering him today but I am remembering all the good times we shared.  The tears have been shed and will probably come again but I know that one day we will be together again.  I didn't tell him good bye, I told him until we meet again.