A Time For Change

Not much difference in my fictional book than what is happening in my real life story.  I've been wrestling with a decision for almost two years and I guess it is time for change.

I have fought it and argued with every possible argument but I'm losing ground and now it is time for action.  During the next few months I will be going through all my treasures and belongings eliminating those that are absolutely unnecessary and keeping those that I either can't part with or am not willing to give up just yet.  It will be a life altering experience downsizing but at the same time maybe I need to eliminate some of the "collections" I have accumulated that serve no purpose, except to give me pleasure.

I won't have to give up everything but I will admit that I am a collector, primarily of holiday decorations as well as object collections.  I have boxes and tubs of decorations for just about every holiday that comes along but once I leave this house, I know I will be in a smaller place and one that will belong to someone else so I may not be able to put out all the decorations that I do now.  I'm sure I will be able to put up a wreath on the door or maybe a small item on the porch but the days of stringing lights along the house and fence and setting up displays in the yard will be gone.

Christmas will be the hardest and I will keep some of it but the majority will have to go and I can only hope it goes to someone who will enjoy it as much as I have.

When Harold and I retired here, we had sold off a lot of our excess things but still this was our home and large enough for us to live comfortably and have the family visit and I was able to decorate so I replaced or bought new items.  But now he is gone and I'm here in a large house that has more empty rooms than full ones, a large yard that requires more work than I'm capable of keeping up with plus not to mention all the little repairs that need to be done.

I said at the time that I wanted to stay here until I had to be carried out to a care home or in a pine box but I thought he was invincible and would always be with me.  But that changed over three years ago and I've been on my own struggling to just keep up.  It takes me twice as long to mow and trim up the yard and once I get behind, there is no catching up.  The house, as I said, needs some minor repairs and recently I've had some problems with appliances.

Living on a limited income just doesn't cover the extra expenses.  I had to have a tree cut down, an unexpected expense and when I consider the extra costs of home ownership, I can see it is coming to an end for me.

I have a choice of trying to get into an apartment which I really don't think I would be happy as I've had my own home and most of the time in a rural area or one with a large lot so I have plenty of outdoor space or I can move into a trailer park where my daughter Michele lives.  It is in town but on the edge of town so I'd have the feeling of being in a rural setting and still have some privacy.  It is a quiet park with families and older residents and I would have a little more room.  I'm leaning that way.  I wouldn't have any yard work and if something breaks down or needs fixing, I would call the landlord.

So I guess this is my time for change and this time I am going to have to see it through to the end.  The decision has been made and there is no going back.  The house will be put on the market in the spring when people are looking for a lake home or retreat and hopefully will sell quickly and I can get resettled and on with my new life.  It is a sad decision and I am having mixed feelings already but it is one of necessity and so as I promised Harold, I will be strong and I will survive.

Training an Old Dog New Tricks??

That is probably what my grandson is thinking.  I had to get a new computer as my old trusty 8 year old HP finally gave up.  So this past weekend, my grandson, Zach, brought down the new one after he had made some adjustments to it and upgraded it for me.  It isn't brand new but almost and should last a while (I hope).  Anyway we all gathered for a birthday celebration as well and Zach hooked up the new computer and there were some updates and installations that needed to be done and then it was time to show me how to work it.

Now, I'm no genius when it comes to computers but I have learned a few things but they just keep changing things and making it tougher each time.

I can remember the first one we ever bought, a Commodore 64 in the 80's.  I did learn how to use it after I finally agreed to it.  I was really against a computer but I learned to do some simple programming and then when I got a job that had a computer, I had to learn more but I was fortunate that I worked for a company that did programming for businesses and they allowed me to explore the computer but also showed me so many things.  The computer that I was using was a HP 386.  I taught myself how to use Word Perfect, Lotus 123 and Quicken on that computer.  For one thing I had to use the Word Perfect in place of a typewriter and the Lotus spreadsheet was for record keeping while the Quicken was our banking business.  I called the time I worked there my computer training as I learned a lot but I realized later that there was even more to learn.

I can remember when we upgraded our Commodore to a 386 and then later to the Windows 98.  I was using that at my current employer and not only did it have all the things I knew but it also had a special program built in that I had to learn how to use as it was designed for the business.

I felt I was confident to use the computer for small business and fairly quick to learn new programs but then I began to get older.  We had to retire the Windows 98 in 2005 shortly after we retired because it had reached its limit and I say it was just plain tired.  I had used it extensively with our farm records and banking records and reports that we gave to the accountant each year to do our taxes.

In 2005 we bought another HP with XP on it and I was in love.  I had already used the old computer to write three books on and with this new one, I was ready to tackle more and soon had written the fourth and then on to the fifth and sixth and seventh plus numerous short stories.  It was a work horse and went for hours at a time when I was in the writing mood.  I didn't really have to keep any business records since we were retired.  However my husband got his own computer and after some tutoring he learned how to use it to keep records for his little retirement business.

And to be honest, I had heard about the "new" computers and how different the operating systems were from the "simple" ones I was used too.  I prayed each day for my HP to keep on working even though it was getting slower but then I'm older and I'm slower too so I put up with it.  But then two weeks ago, it decided it had enough and just quit on me.  I had no choice but to replace it.

So here I am with a new computer and a new operating system, Windows 7, and everything is greek to me.  Zach showed me a few things and I know the basics so have been able to do a few things but there are other things that have me completely bamboozled.

Luckily I have a wonderful grandson who has been patient and will be coming back down soon to help me transfer from files from the old hard drive over to this new one and maybe he will be able to train me on how to do some of the new fangled things that are on here now.

I've been spoiled by having programs available that help me through things and this time I don't have those easy to do programs so even though it will still do the same thing, I just have to learn how to go about it differently.  And I might be a little impatient as I want to do a few things but can't until I have been taught the new way of doing it.  

I guess you can train an old dog, but it might just take longer and bless his heart for putting up with me and my dumb questions.  Love you Zach.

September 2013

Fall is a bouquet of orange, red and yellow with touches of green in an arrangement created by God.   ~  Barbara Foster, August 29, 2013

September, the ninth month of the year and the month of changes.  September is the month we make the transition from the hot long days of summer to the cooler and getting shorter days of autumn.  It is when we lose the warm balmy breezes on an evening stroll to the warmth of a sweater to keep off the night chill.  September also brings the beginning of a new school year and how things have changed since I was young.  Now school begins two to three weeks before the first of September whereas I always looked forward to the day after Labor Day as being my first day of school.

I remember trying to decide which new dress I would wear and proudly carrying my tablet, no not the electronic one of today but a Big Chief paper tablet, new pencils, crayons, a ruler and an eraser.  It was always exciting to see my friends again even though we had seen each other off and on during the summer, it was different on the first day of school.  We were all anxious to meet our teachers and yet a little apprehensive as to what they might be like.

As I grew older, the supplies changed as well but I still had the same excitement and enthusiasm on that first day of school.  It always seemed like September started a new year and a new life.

Now, I love to see September come with the cooler days but I also hate it when it goes away so quickly as it means winter isn't far off.  I wish we could keep September year round.  I'm way past the age to feel the excitement of a new school year or see old friends for the first time since our days of summer.  My days all run together now and only the change in the season gives me a new look on the upcoming days.  I see my friends year round but we can still get excited if one of us gets a new outfit or a new car or even a new piece of furniture.  With age, comes a different outlook on what we view as exciting and important.  Gone are the days when we look forward to being in a classroom, or playing on the swings and slides at recess, but as we gather, we often reflect back on those days with fond memories.

I am an avid holiday and season decorator.  I want to celebrate every holiday and every season and my way is to decorate inside and outside my home.  Whether it be lights, flowers, flags, garden statues or signs, I find a way to display something to commemorate the holiday or season at the time.

My daughter accused me of having OCD, Obessive Christmas Disorder, since that is generally the holiday that I decorate the most, but I never miss out on Valentine's Day or St. Patrick's Day, and of course we have to have spring floral bouquets and wreaths, then Easter and I even go all out for the 4th of July.  But then all I have is the fall season which I decorate with wreaths and flowers of the season, scare crows and as Halloween approaches, I add the black cats and witches and jacko-lanterns but this year I have decided that I do not have OCD, I have ODD.

ODD is Obsessive Decorating Disorder.  Yes, that is me, I always knew I was odd but now there is actually a name for it.  I saw a wonderful idea to celebrate Fall and I just had to try it.  

For those of us who have artificial Christmas trees, ( I do only because years ago when Melanie was small, we had a real one that caught fire and decided it was not worth the risk) this is the perfect solution if you love to decorate as much as I do.  Put up your tree and then decorate with the colorful orange, purple or the new Candy Corn lights, assorted picks or autumn floral arrangements, some bows and anything you like in your fall decorating.  

So I have a Holiday Fall Tree which supports fall things but will have Halloween decor and then Thanksgiving before I remove it all to decorate for Christmas and since I leave my tree up until the first of the year, I will make it a winter tree with white lights, white decorations until Valentine's Day when it will be adorned with Hearts and flowers.  Of course, then there are the shamrocks for St. Patrick's Day and eggs and bunnies for Easter, then maybe a tree of spring flowers until close to the 4th of July when I can just see it covered in red white and blue.  I'll do it as long as I can.  I may grow tired of seeing the tree in the corner where it stands now but then again I may not seeing that I do love to decorate and this is perfect for me.

I hate seeing the stores refer to Christmas trees as Holiday trees so this year I'm going to tell them every time I see one of their signs that they are wrong.  A true Holiday tree changes and when it is decorated for Christmas, then it is a Christmas tree, but if they want a Holiday tree, I'll be glad to decorate one in any holiday they choose.  How do you think that will be accepted?

Maybe it is my age now and I know there have been changes that I can't control, but for those that I can, I will keep trying to keep them as they were, not for just the memories that I have but to share the joy I've had with those who are coming behind me.  My wish would be for everyone to experience the joys of life in a simpler time and to make memories that they will never forget.  So many flow along with the tide and accept the change not really knowing what they are missing.

We are all in a race.  Whether it is time or just wanting to get somewhere fast, it seems everyone is moving so fast that there is no time to smell the flowers along the way.  Why wait until retirement or when you have reached an age that you cannot be in the race any longer?  Take time now and be a little ODD.  Stop to enjoy the views, the changing of the seasons as if they are the changing of the guards and celebrate life now.  Hang a wreath up or buy a flower of the season or go all out, just as long as you enjoy it.  Go to the pumpkin patch with your children or grandchildren and be a kid again looking for the perfect pumpkin or maybe you just want a nice arrangement to display on the front porch.  There is nothing that says we can't so have fun.

Happy Fall Holiday!!!

August

August--the 8th month of the year and I can't believe that we have already arrived at August but more than that, how the time is flying by already this month.  It seemed like we just kind of slipped from July to August quietly and not noticed at all.

I will say that our summer so far is a far cry than the ones we have had for the past two years.  We didn't have the extreme hot temps in July and so far have only had a couple of days so far this month that we reached the 99 or 100 mark with an index of 108 to 110.  The humidity has been terribly high causing my asthma and allergies to really give me fits so I've been staying inside a lot.

And we've had the strange phenomenon of rain this summer.  The past two summers have been dry and we have had to live with fire danger warnings.  The grass turned brown and crunched under foot but this year we have had the rain, so the grass is green and that just means more mowing and with the cost of gasoline, it is expensive to mow the yard these days.  And when you have as big a yard as I have, it really gets expensive.  I have an acre plus I mow the area out back beyond my fence that I jokingly call the Back 40 but is only about 1/3 of an acre.  So each time I mow the whole yard and Back 40, I'm looking at almost $7.  But I will say it is nice to look out over a green yard instead of a brown one.

This past week hasn't been too good.  A couple of days ago, Foxy was outside and not sure what happened but she injured  her leg.  The vet said she had pulled and stretched the ligaments around the knee cap.  She is on anti inflammatory medication and I'm trying my best to keep her quiet and not moving around that much but she gets excited when it is time to go out and this evening she must have been feeling better or forgot as she jumped up on me wanting to be petted.  I had to scold her which of course hurt her feelings but I didn't want her to injure the leg more.  We go back to the vet on the 22nd and depending on how she is, she may have to have surgery on it.  So I'm keeping fingers crossed she will heal it on her own.

School will be starting up next week.  I can't believe it.  I remember the good old days when school started the day after Labor Day and got out the Friday before Memorial Day.   But then we didn't have all the breaks and holidays they have during the school year now. 

Michele took the kids shopping for school last weekend and I can remember getting new clothes for school but in my day, we ordered our stuff from catalogs, Sears, Montgomery Ward, Alden's, National Belles Hess and probably others.  We usually would get our shoes locally and I know I'm dating myself when I say I could hardly wait to get those new saddle shoes, and later as I got a little older, the penny loafers. 

And of course, going to school on that first day with the new tablet, pencils, erasers and crayons and a ruler.  We didn't have backpacks but we carried all our stuff and made it there with everything in tact.

August is an odd month. Usually the hottest of the summer and in this modern day, gives up its summertime days for school time.  When we used to lie under the shade tree and look at the clouds in sky, now we are huddled in an air conditioned house watching a TV or on a computer or some electronic device, while we wait for the first day of school.  The ice cream freezer is put away, the watermelons have disappeared and we are saying goodbye to summer.  August is just a hot month and has no distinction of its own, unless you want to refer to its days as the "dog days of summer." 

So for now, we'll suffer through the August days as we look forward to September and the beginning of fall.  But let's not rush it too fast, we don't need winter coming around too quickly.

OOPS! I'm Slipping

OOPS!  I think my good intentions got lost somewhere along the way.  I was sure I came in to post about our 4th of July celebration but it must have been one of those moments.  You know the kind where you walk into a room but suddenly not sure why you are there.  I was sure I came here but I think I must have dreamed it.

Well, now that I am here, I'll rewind the brain back to July 4th to tell you about our celebration.  Melanie had to work and Zach was with his friends so it was just Michele, the grandkids and me but we did have fun.  They came out that afternoon and we fired up the old grill that hadn't been used in a couple of years but we still had the gas and Michele is a great cook inside and outside.  We had burgers and chicken kabobs and they were so good.  I made up my potato salad and kidney bean salad and we had chips to snack on with dips but the best part was the homemade ice cream that we had for our desert.  Mint Chocolate Chip.  MMMMM, it was so good.  I told Michele that we should make it again and we won't have to go to McDonald's for their Shamrock shake as we could make our own from this mix as it was that good.

The grandkids and me had to fire off some fireworks early in the afternoon.  And seeing that I had bought a large 500 string of firecrackers that we intended to break apart but never could figure out where to break them so decided to light them so they all went off in the string.  We were being kind of onery as we have a neighbor who doesn't care for fireworks and is a cranky old man--- the one we call whacko.  Anyway it was for his benefit.

Well, after they all went off, a neighbor down the street fired some firecrackers off and yelled out, "We won."  Not to be outdone, Hailey got the 50 shot Saturn missile out and after it had shot them off with reports and whistles, she calls out, "No, we won."  It was all in good fun and kind of a competition for a while.

We didn't spend a lot on fireworks and after it got dark, we sat out in the south yard to light up the fountains and sky works.  It wasn't the greatest but we had a few good ones and we were able to celebrate our nation's birthday just the same.

After we ate and before it got dark, we all gathered in the screened in porch and played a couple of games.  That gave us a lot of laughter as well.  Of course, I had strung all the lights plus we had a CD player and Brianna brought out some CD's.  I think I was the only one who got up to dance, the rest were too bashful.  LOL!  But we still had a lot of fun with it.

We left Gretta and Foxy in the house to console one another since neither one of them like the loud sounds.

The party ended around 10:30 as it had been a long day and Michele had kind of overdone it and her back was hurting but it was a fun day and now we will be looking towards next year and hope that we can have Melanie and Zach with us.

♪ In the Good Ole Summertime ♫

Summer has begun for us.  School got out early this year, May 9 so we have already started planning events to do with the kids this summer.

We all went to the cemetery the Friday before Memorial Day where we laid a wreath and visited our beloved husband, dad and pappa.  Then we took a tour of the cemetery.  

The Ft. Gibson National Cemetery began in the 1800's with burials of soldiers, their families and some of the settlers in the area of the Fort.  Also there are some Indians and some important people in history.  We walked the Officer's Circle where the most famous grave is that of Sam Houston's wife.  It was interesting to read the headstones and learn some of the history of the soldiers who served there.

Later we went over to take a tour of the fort.  It had a fire a few years ago and has been rebuilt to the original design with as much of the material as was original to it.  Very interesting to see how they lived within the fort and the look out towers.  There were some old log homes and the ruins of others just outside the fort and the ruins of a large home that Jefferson Davis had stayed in for a short period of time.  We didn't drive around the area but learned there are several log cabins as well as early Victorian homes in neighborhoods surrounding the fort so we hope to go back one day and take the tour.  The rooms at the fort are furnished as they would have been during the occupation of the soldiers who lives there so we all got to see the sparse and simple furnishings.

We got ready to have a yard sale that we planned to run on Friday the 31st and Sat. the 1st but Mother Nature had other ideas.  We did have the sale on Friday and did well.  Put everything under the carport as they said we could have rain.

Well, we got a little more than rain.  Michele and the kids stayed on a bit due to weather warnings but then it seemed we would be spared so they went home, only to race back here around 11 PM as the weather turned worse and we were in tornado warnings.  We went to the shelter and there were a couple spotted within a half mile from us but were small and just barely touched down so no damage but still a little to close for comfort.  After the storms had passed and it was safe, we all crashed where we could find a spot until early the next morning when they went home and we shut down the sale due to the weather as we still had some rain showers off  and on.

The storms that came over us were all part of the system that hit El Reno and OKC earlier.  But once they were beyond us, we haven't had any real severe weather like that and hope we will have a reprieve.  After the terrible tornadoes that hit Shawnee and Moore, we have had our fair share and will be happy that they are leaving us alone.

But that also means that our spring has ended and summer has begun and it is letting us know it is here full force with temps in mid to upper 90's this week and heat index of over 100 today.  I've been waiting for the warm weather so guess it is here but a little warmer than I had hoped.  It would have been nice to had a gentle warm up but we went from low to mid 80's to the temps we have now so a big jump.  However, I still prefer this to the cold of winter.  I can find a way to get cool but during the cold, it takes forever to get warm it seems.

And it also means it is harder to get out to do what has to be done outside, like the mowing.  I wait until evening when the sun is down behind the trees so I have shade and if there is a breeze as it has been the past few evenings, it really isn't that bad so I'm getting the yard done in sections.  But in this heat, the grass won't be growing as fast so hope to get it all mowed this week if we don't have a surprise shower like they are predicting.  Then maybe I'll get a cool spell where I can mow it all if needed.

There are more plans to have family get togethers and for the grandkids to visit some of the interesting places around the area if they can.  With Michele having back surgery earlier this year and still experiencing some problems with a possible outlook of more surgery, we'll have to see what and where we can go.  They have been to the lake a few times to enjoy the swimming.

So I say the good ol' summertime has arrived and now we'll just have to wait to see how it goes and what fun we will all enjoy.

Mother's Day 2013

Today is the day we all honor the woman we call Mother.  Some of us still have our mothers with us and we can celebrate with them or if long distance separates us, there are phone calls made.  And there are some of us whose mothers are no longer with us.  They are the angels in heaven watching over us just as they did here on earth,.

My mother is one of those angels.  I remember the last Mother's Day we had together.  It was in May of 2010 and I was still grieving over the loss of my husband and she grieved with me as she had been as shocked as I was at his passing and all through the years she pretended, yes I say pretended, because when the truth was told, she didn't dislike the man who had married her daughter as much as she let on.  She cared for him as he had proven he was a good husband and father to her granddaughters and he provided for me but she also knew that he loved me deeply and that I loved him.  She had that love at one time and grieved when my father died in 1991.  So she understood my loss and we talked for hours on that day reminiscing and sharing our remembrances.

Little did I know that a year later she would be gone and I could only look at the phone wishing I could pick it up and call her just to talk to her.  She was taken away almost as abruptly as my husband and I feel I never really had the chance to say good bye.  I had seen her a couple of months before when she called for me to come help her.  She had made the decision to enter a nursing home and needed my help in packing up and getting rid of her things.  My brother came as well but due to bad weather and road conditions she didn't call her younger daughter which resulted in family argument leaving my brother and I wondering why she had turned on us.  But we did as our mother requested and as I said it was the last time I really was able to talk with her.  I had a couple of phone conversations and then things changed as her other daughter took over her affairs with threats and coercion and we never got to say good bye to her or even go to her funeral.  So I feel a deep sadness this day and yet I know she wouldn't want me to be unhappy and would tell me to look around and count the blessings I have now.

And what blessings I do have.  My two daughters and four grandchildren are my blessings and are my rocks to lean on when I'm down.  But I'm there for them just as she was for me.  That is what a mother does.  She cares for her flock, regardless of their age or the distance from her.  Somehow or someway she is always there and just knowing that seems to have a calming effect and a peacefulness.

I can only hope one day when I am no longer on this earth that my daughters will still feel my presence and can feel my guiding hand when they are troubled.

I can't say that my relationship with my mother was all rosy and smooth sailing.  We had our moments but we always managed to talk it out and remained friends as well as mother and daughter.  I have the same relationship with my own daughters and I can see them doing the same with their offspring.  It is something that mothers pass on to their offspring.  We can disagree but we also need to talk it out and find a resolution for everyone.  Like any close relationship, there will be clashes but as long as there is love, they can be worked out making it better for everyone.

How can we describe a mother?  She is the woman who gives us life, who is there to care for us as we grow.  She wears so many hats and is probably the smartest person we will ever know.  She is our teacher from our infancy to adulthood as she is the one who teaches us to talk, to walk, to lead a spiritual life and to know good from bad.  She is our confident and she doesn't just limit herself to one of her children but to all of them, daughters and sons alike.  She teaches her daughters how to be good mothers but she also teaches her sons how to be good and caring fathers who are providers for their families.

So today I hope all the mothers had a wonderful day as well as for those who are no longer with us in body, but were with us in spirit.