Old Year Out, New Year In

NOTE: I didn't post this on New Year's eve as planned due to concern for other family members who were not aware of the situation.  Now, I can share my thoughts.
December 31, 2010
As we begin the countdown to end 2010, we can look forward to 2011 with great hopes and expectations that it just has to be a better year.

I look back on this one and all the sorrow and tragedy I've had but yet there has been good times and happy times as well.  And so many memories.  Old ones revived and shared with family and friends and new ones made.

I have a lot to be thankful for and try to keep that positive outlook as we countdown the hours until the new year.  Actually what is it?  It will start out just like any other day, with the only change being that we change the year after the date.  But will it feel different, will it look different?  I don't think so.  But for some reason it will be different.  It will be the first day of a new year.  A year that we make resolutions which won't be kept but is the ritual that comes with the time.

We will make promises to ourselves that we will do things differently and that we will keep those resolutions but by the end of the first month, they will all be forgotten as we get back to the daily grind and the days will pass by just as they had the year before.

Our January will be the hardest month for us to get through.  Our thoughts can't help but go back to January of 2010 and our loved one.  His illness and how he struggled to get through each day until he lost his battle.  We will remember that dark time and the days that followed even though we were in a daze and nothing registered at the time.  Slowly the memory is coming back of that time and what we did and how we managed to get through each day.

There are still days that it all seems like a dream that I just can't wake up from but I know that it isn't and slowly I am moving on.  I have my family and my friends close by who are there for me each day and help me get through those days.

Recently I had to call on my good friend and neighbor to help me change a tire on my car.  He came over on a very cold day and showed me how the jack worked and then proceeded to take the tire off.  We took it along with a spare that I had, just in case, and we did have to replace the tire.  He then came back and struggled putting the tire back on, not allowing me to help.  And then he wouldn't accept any payment and only told me that was what friends were for.

But while he was here and on our little trip to the tire shop, he opened up to me about his problem, so perhaps it was two old friends helping each other.  His wife, my dear friend as well, has Dementia and we have watched her move down a path that we can't follow.  She refuses to believe there is a problem and her family which aren't around her that much do not see the deterioration of her mind.  It is such a sad thing as she is a lovely lady who was caring and still is to a certain degree, but one who was full of wit and laughter and there for me when we first found out about my husband's illness.  But I've watched as she slips into an abyss that excludes her husband, her family and her friends.  And I can't help.  I can only watch and be there for her and now for her husband to give him the moral support he needs as he faces a decision he doesn't want to make.

These good friends who are our next door neighbors were friends with my husband and myself.  As I said, they were there for us when he was first diagnosed with the cancer returning and were there for us all during the time and up until he lost his battle.  Tears streamed down Spike's face as much as Betty's and ours as he had lost a good friend too.  The pain we suffered in our loss, we suffered together in our memories and tried to find some happiness in our lives although we still miss our loved one.

Seldom do we find such good friends who will stand by you in good times as well as bad times, happy times as well as sad times, but we were fortunate to find Spike and Betty and now I hope to be there for them as they face their sadness and loss.

And family.  My daughter who is here close by wants to be my protector and I often think she is overly protective and yet I need that strength she has and I know down deep that I do need her help and that I am so glad she is close to me.  I hate to bother her with my problems but she knows and she is there willing to help any way she can.

Right now, our family is facing another sad time.  My mother who will be 91 years old on January 19 has come to the decision that it is time for her to give up her independency and move to the nursing home.  She took a couple of falls and the last one really banged her up good, so that she knows she cannot stay alone and she is scared and confused.  She will be changing her lifestyle and that is always hard on anyone and especially one who has lived the years she has and always been able to care for herself, now she will have to allow someone else to be there to help her.

So my daughter, bless her heart, knew how upset I was from having to do everything by long distance phone calls told me that she is taking me to be with my mother.  My brother will be coming and will have his youngest daughter with him.  Between the four of us, we will make the arrangements, pack up the personal belongings which we will dispose of later and get her settled into her new surroundings. 

It is hard to give up your freedom but there comes a time when we have to let go and this is her time.  I know that one day I will be the same and I dread the time that I am not able to do for myself or enjoy the things I love to do now.  I will miss walking around my yard, doing little things around here, just doing my own house work and believe it or not, I will miss having my computer to do my writing or visit with friends on forums and facebook or just to play games.

But as this new year comes, I am not going to think about all the sad things, or the things I cannot change.  I'm going to think positive that I know I will be able to survive on my own and that my mother will be cared for and I will be there for my friends as they have been there for me.  I will enjoy being with my daughter and my grandson and I hope that my other daughter and my grandchildren will come see me and spend some time with me.  I look forward to doing more and perhaps even finish up the list of things we made this year and didn't get done.  I've crossed procrastination off my list.  I don't have time to procrastinate and I need to live each day as it comes and do whatever needs to be done or whatever I want to do. 

So as I say good bye to year 2010, I look forward to year 2011 as a new adventure and a beginning of the rest of my life.  Happy New Year everyone and may your year be filled with love, happiness, good health and prosperity.

Christmas Eve 2010

The day has arrived.  Christmas Eve.  This year is different because we are missing a very important family member, but he is with us in spirit and we have made every effort to include him in our holiday thoughts.

Melanie and Zach came over this afternoon and we had our gift exchange.  We took our time and really enjoyed ourselves.  When we were finished, I turned on the Greeting train that my husband loved so much and ran it a few times as we felt his presence.

One of the gifts I received was very special.  It was address to "mammaw for pappaw".  It was from our oldest granddaughter, Brianna and it was a nutcracker.  It is standing next to all the others that my husband had collected through the years.  I added some new ones but the one she sent is very special.

I made the traditional chili and we had our chili along with ham sandwiches and then we played a few hands of Texas Hold 'Em.  When I went broke, they finished it out.  Later, they hooked up the game consoles and played some Mario and Guitar Hero. 

We also called my mom so that we each could talk to her and wish her a Merry Christmas.  We then called my younger daughter, Michele and the grandkids who were at their Christmas party but took the time to talk to us.  We will be talking to them again tomorrow as they open the gifts we sent over to them.

It has been a strange Christmas and I've felt like something was missing but we were together for awhile tonight, even if a part of the family were miles away and we only heard their voices, we were still together and I know that Harold was watching over us and was here with us.

Zach's car wouldn't start so his mother had to go get him and they just left so she could take him home.  They were going to make a side trip and go through the light display at the state park.  She was really impressed when she saw it and wanted him to see it as well.  Tomorrow he will be with his dad and hopefully they can find the problem with the car and get him fixed up before he has to go back to work on Monday.

So as Christmas 2010 goes into our memory book, we look forward to the new year that it will hold good health and that the woes of this one will fade.  We will always have the memory of our loved one in our hearts as we look forward to the future knowing this would be what he wanted most for us.

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.   And let's not forget that we may celebrate and exchange gifts, but the biggest gift we've ever received was on this day when Jesus was born.  May we celebrate his birth and give him the gift of our faith.

REMEMBRANCE

This Christmas is not the same.  Our loved one will not be joining us for the celebration here on earth, but we each have a part of him in our hearts and our thoughts and we know his spirit is with us.

                                                     ****************

Each day that you have been gone, you have not been forgotten.  I think of you when I awake and I think of you as I close my eyes to sleep.  I think of you while looking out the window, expecting to see you coming towards me.  I think of you as I drive down the highway, that you will be in the passenger seat, I think of you as I sit at the table to eat a meal and I think of you as I walk through our home.

I miss the sound of your voice, the laughter that we once shared.  I miss your arms around me and that silly grin you had.  I miss just having you near, so that I can talk to you in person. 

I know the pain you suffered and the concerns you had knowing you would be leaving me.  I wish I could have removed that pain and kept you just a while longer, but it was time to let you go from this earthly world to a joyous reunion with our Lord.  It was your time to go home and I know that one day soon we will be together again and until that time, watch over me and know that you will never be forgotten.

Tis The Night Before Christmas

Tis the night before Christmas
said the cat to the mouse.
We have to get busy
and light up this house.

Santa will be coming late this night,
so let's be good and will not fight.
He'll bring you cracker and cheese,
I'll ask for catnip and say please.

He'll arrive in his sleigh,
pulled by all those reindeer.
And I know we will hear him say,
If you've been good, then you need not fear.

Those cookies, you cannot nibble,
I will know as you will dribble.
I promise I will not lap up the milk.
I won't knead that pillow of silk.

As the cat said to the mouse,
while they hid in the house.
Now, we've hung our stocking.
We must fall asleep said the mouse, mocking.

In the morning when we awake,
we can look out the window and see nary a flake.
But Santa will bring us our gifts,
as he has seen our lists.

As the cat and mouse nestled together,
to keep warm in this cold weather.
 The sleigh and reindeer did come
and Santa did his Ho Hum!

As Santa flew away
in that big sleigh,
He called out as he took flight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all
   a good night.

Copyright (c) 2010

A Little Kindness Can Go A Long Way

My husband and I always liked living in a rural area or a small town.  We knew we would have to give up some of the luxuries that are available in a metropolitan area but we liked the feel of a small community where you knew your neighbor and people helped each other.

So when we retired, we lived in a rural area and had many friends and good neighbors but it wasn't exactly what we wanted.  We decided to move back to the lake area as we liked it so much when we lived here years ago and we had friends still here so in a way it was like coming home.

I've griped and complained because I might not be able to find what I want in the stores so we have to drive a few miles to find what we are looking for or I complain because we don't have all the accessibility here that we might have in a large area, but at the same time, I love the feel of the small community and the closeness of neighbors and good friends.

Today proved to be another reason why I love living in a small town/rural area.  We have a choice of grocery stores but I have one in particular that I like and even though I don't go as often as I did, they are still friendly and treat me as an old friend.  The same with our local dollar store.

A couple of years ago, our small Walmart decided to put in a super store and we were all thrilled as we would have access to things that wouldn't require driving 35 to 70 miles away for.  However, the economy forced them to downsize it just a bit but it still is larger and offers more than we had before so I do a lot of my shopping there.

Today I stopped at my grocery store to pick up a few things I like to get from them, then next door to the Dollar store for a few things and finally my last stop was Walmart.

I needed some cat litter and always buy a particular brand and there was a box with a $1.00 coupon on it so I got it.  When I got to the checkout, I peeled it off according to the little arrow that said, "Peel here".  However it stuck to the box and took half of the box with it.  I was trying to see if it would separate as was so sticky and just knew there had to be something wrong.

The cashier had rung up my purchases and I told her, "Well, I had a coupon but it tore off part of the box and I guess it isn't any good."  She took it and said, "Let me see it."  She began working trying to peel away the sticky part to no avail and then tried scraping off the pieces of the box with her fingernail.  She turned off the light of her check out and worked about fifteen minutes on this coupon.  I told her it was to much work and that it was okay but she wanted to help.

The whole time she was talking about how coupons really help as they add up and then switched to talk about Christmas and was I ready.  We discussed baking and gifts and finally she did give it up and I paid for my purchases.  When I got ready to leave, she apologized for not being able to help me, told me to have a good day and a Merry Christmas.

I wished her a good day and a Merry Christmas as well and when I left the store, I knew this is one of the reasons we came here.  The feel of camaraderie of the people, the friendliness and a genuine feeling of wanting to help one another.

In our daily lives, we get busy and sometimes forget the courtesy we should show to others and especially at this time of the year when stores are busier and shoppers are out in droves.  But somehow in our small community, we still take the time to show courtesy and help our neighbors and friends or in this case, the customers.

There are a lot of bad feelings at times about Walmart but I feel fortunate that our local one is friendly, clean and often carries USA products and advertises them as such.  And if it is something I don't want to buy because it is foreign, I don't have too and no one is going to criticize me for it.

Perhaps if we all took a little more time to smile and say a kind word, not only during this season, but all the time, we might discover that even the largest of cities could be as nice as the smallest.

For now, I'm happy that we decided to come here and we have wonderful friends, great neighbors and we also have great storekeepers who appreciate us.  It makes me feel good all over.

Tis The Season

How true it is.  It is the season and it is showing up everywhere.  I know I have my decorations up inside and out and have most of my shopping done, just a couple more. 

This next week I'll be doing some cookie making and candy too.  I'll be sending goodies off to the youngest daughter and three grandkids in Arkansas but will also have to have some here for the older daughter and grandson.  It just wouldn't be Christmas without my butter cookies.  Both of my daughters have the recipe but say they aren't the same as mine.  I think they just like for Mom to make them, but that is okay as I don't mind.

I got my Christmas CD's out so when I feel like Christmas music, I have a selection to choose from and it just seems to fit the mood at this time of the year. 

I hope we will be able to take an evening soon and drive around to see the lights and go through the State Park just west of us to see their big display.  But it is fun just to see the decorations of my neighbors, even during the daytime as I pass by their houses.

Tonight, Melanie will be going to her office Christmas party.  She has been the organizer and it has been a lot of work but I'm sure it will be appreciated and everyone will have a great time.  She was kind of thrown into this at the last minute since she only started in October, but a lot of it was repetitive so that helped.  She did have to hire a DJ and was able to get a young man she's known for years and is very popular in the area.  So I know everyone will enjoy him.  She was able to rent a TV and get Satellite hooked up as tonight is also the big game between Oklahoma University and Nebraska.    She had a list from previous years to help guide here where to go for the snack trays and drinks.  They will have a bar but that was stocked by one of the doctors.  She still filled her jeep by going through the check out line three times at Walmart with water, soft drinks, beer and crackers.  There will be something for everyone and with a list of 200 coming, that is quite a feat.  I'm so proud of her and that she has been able to accomplish so much in a short time but then again, I had all the faith in her and knew she could do it. 

So Tis The Season for parties, family gatherings, bright lights, Christmas carols, special treats and of course, secrets.

It is also a time to remember.  We should remember most of all that it is Jesus birthday that we celebrate.  We also need to remember our loved ones who may not be with us in person, but are in our hearts and memories and will always be with us in spirit. 

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

December 2010

My how the year is going by.  It just seems like yesterday that we were wearing shorts and sandals and trying to stay cool and now we've dug out the heavy sweaters, sweats and heavy coats as we prepare for winter.

We had a nice but quiet Thanksgiving.  It was my oldest daughter and grandson and myself but we had a good dinner and naturally ate too much but that is par for a Thanksgiving meal.  I hadn't made pumpkin pie in years as my husband always made them.  It was his favorite and he wanted to know how so I told him and from then on, he made the pumpkin pie.  But this year I made them.  With only the three of us and basically just Melanie and I to eat them, I knew we couldn't eat two so I gave one to our neighbors across the street.  We enjoyed the other one.

We spent some time in the afternoon playing the Wii and then my grandson showed us how he could play Guitar Hero.  He is good at it.  I can barely keep up with the notes as they go flying by but his fingers work the guitar quickly and he makes it look so easy, just as I do with my typing only I'm writing down the words in my mind, not looking at flying colors coming at me on a TV screen and trying to make my fingers match what I'm seeing.  I think I must be getting old and the coordination isn't quite what it used to be.

But now we are in my favorite season as far as holidays go.  I don't care for winter with its cold and ice and snow.  It had to show us that it could do something and produced ice on Thanksgiving day but that is all that I care for so it doesn't have to show us again.  I had put up my outside lights and decorations before Thanksgiving when the weather had given us a couple of warm days.  They were windy days but I managed to get everything in place and ready to hook up to the power and on Thanksgiving afternoon I set the timers so that night at dark, everything would come on automatically for a few hours.

The tree was up and decorated and again the lights came on Thanksgiving day and the day after was for removing the fall decorations inside and putting up the Christmas ones.  It always takes me a few days as I savor each and every decoration, making sure it is just the way I want it and a pleasure to look at.

This year I've included the collections and favorites of my husband and feel he is with us in spirit.  I know he would be pleased with what I have done and it gives me some good memories as I look around at all of them.

I'll be starting the cookie and candy making this next week as I'll be including some goodies in the package I'll send off to my daughter and three grandchildren in Arkansas.  The weather can be so unpredictable so we don't even plan for a Christmas get together as we just never know what it will be and sometimes we can even be surprised as we were on Thanksgiving as the ice was not predicted but we go it just the same.

I've got the gifts bought and wrapped with the exception of something for my oldest daughter to have on Christmas and perhaps a stocking stuffer for my grandson.  Since my oldest daughter and I decided to go together and buy a gift that we would share we have already received our gift.

We got an USB turntable to convert our LP albums into CD's.  She's been playing with it and has made a couple of CD's already.  When she is done, then we'll bring it in and hook it up to my computer and see if I can figure it out and make some too.  We both have a lot of records and some are not available on CD so will be a treat that we'll be able to hear some of the oldies but goodies.

December.  The month which ends the year.  A busy time even if it is winter, but a glorious time as well, with color and smells and sounds that makes the merriement of Christmas.  The secrets and gaily wrapped gifts, the special treats homemade from the kitchen and yet it will end on New Years Eve as this year passes and a new one begins.

It hasn't been a good year in a lot of ways and yet we have been blessed.  The loss of my husband in January still hurts and he is missed every day, but then I look at the good things that have happened to my grandson and especially my daughter.  They both have found good jobs that they like and my grandson has moved into his first place and is settling in learning the responsibilities of being on his own.  My daughter is finally able to catch up and have a little extra now that she can put back in her savings.

I'm so thankful that things have turned around for both of them, but especially my daughter as she went through some very rough times and at last the blessings have been put on her and she is getting her life back on track and finding her happiness again.

So as we end this year, we will spend each day remembering the past year but also planning for the new one and what lies ahead of us.  We will be thankful for what we have and will cherish the memories we've made, the memories from the past as we move forward to the future.  We will remember our lost loved one and hope the next year will ease the pain we still feel in our hearts while allowing us to remember all the good times.

The Countdown Begins

The countdown has begun.  I spent this entire weekend working outside putting up lights and Christmas decorations.  Saturday was a little on the cool side and quite windy but I managed to get some of it done but today was sunny, warm and windy.
I told my daughter I thought Kansas had moved to Oklahoma the way the wind was blowing and I wish it would go home.  I literally had to stake and tie all my decorations out in the yard to keep them from blowing over or away.
But the wreaths have been hung on the gates, the lights are all along the fence, took 12 strings of 100 lights each but it almost covers the entire length.  The lighted garland is draped around the screened in porch with its big gaily red bows.
The Nativity set is up flanked by the Peace On Earth Angels in the north yard, while the south yard displays a winter wonderland with the 7 ft. tall spiral trees, two reindeer, a snowman and a grouping of three small white trees, all with white lights.
The candy cane lights are along side the patio and extension area on the north side of the porch and are off set by the snowmen lights that daughter put in front of her trailer on the south side of the porch.
The pot on the shepherd's hook has red poinsettias with green holly and a holly vine twines up and around the top with two red bows at the feet of the roosters which are attached to the top heart shape.
The cords have been laid and only have to attach the automatic timers so on Thursday night when darkness arrives, the magic begins for a four hour show.
Of course, this doesn't mean that I'm done.  I still have the snowflake lights, the small train and Santa's sled to put up and light up as well.
On Wednesday night, the fun begins inside as the tree goes up and will be decorated so again on Thursday night the lights will shine and it can be seen from its place in front of the window.  The house will begin to take on the look of the Christmas holiday as the Santa collection comes out, the Nutcracker collection will be displayed, the pots with poinsettia's scattered about, green garlands decorating the stairway bannister and every room in the house will have some decoration denoting the season.
The library table will be covered with the lacy scarf that has the Nativity story and on top will be displayed the antique Nativity that belonged to my grandparents, the first one that my husband and I bought along with a couple of others we've bought throughout the years and the Bible will be open to the story of the birth of Jesus.  It is almost a ritual as the table is set up with the Nativities and the story is read and made available to all who wish to read it again and again.
The packages will start piling up under the tree with the anticipation setting in as to what their contents might be and the guessing game starts.
It is an exciting time of the year with so much to see and hear and feel.  The excitement of driving around to see the lights and displays, shopping for that perfect gift, the smell of freshly baked cookies and pies, the sounds of Christmas songs and carols being played and a general feeling of love and contentment.
Although I have no little ones to go see Santa, I still enjoy watching the little ones as their eyes light up and the smiles on their faces when they see a Santa in the store or in a parade.   And even at my age, I still believe.  Santa is the fun part of Christmas just as Jesus is the reason we celebrate his birthday and we rejoice in hearing the story of his birth.
It is a glorious time of the year, even more exciting and filled with anticipation than Easter or the Fourth of July.
I wish I could keep Christmas year round with all the bright sparkling lights and decorations.  The colors of red and green are an inspiration for me and the houses look so pretty all decked out in their holiday finery.  It is that time of year when we gather with family or friends for parties or dinners and the sound of laughter makes the merriment of the season even more so.
So the countdown has begun and will go for me until after the New Year arrives.  I try not to think about the day that the lights go dark and will be gathered and put away until next year.  I'm just going to enjoy every minute of every day and take in all the sights, sounds, smells and the joy of the season.
This will be my first Christmas without my husband but I know he is with me in spirit and he will be in my thoughts as I look around and see the favorite things we both enjoyed through the years as well as his favorite things.  He enjoyed the season as much as I do and always let me decorate to my heart's content and I'm not going to change a thing this year.  I know he would want it that way too.

Time

I can't believe how fast the time is going.  I meant to post something on the 11th and time has got away from me.

November 11, is a special day as it is not only Veteran's day, it would have been our 49th wedding anniversary.  Melanie took off work early so that we could go to the cemetery and I could be with him for a few moments.  Then she decided she was going to make it a special day for me. 

We had to stop by the bookstore to pick up some books I had on consignment and then went out to eat.  We had a nice meal and good conversation.  In fact, we talked all the way back home as well.

We had to make a stop at Walmart to pickup just a few things.  Yeah!  A few things always grows into several but we had fun while we shopped.  We got what we stopped for but then had to look at the Christmas decorations and went down the clearance aisle.  I spotted a game that looked like fun so we got it and after she picked up a few stocking stuffers, we decided we'd better get out of there before we went into the hole.

We came home and put our stuff away and then I went out to her trailer.  We decided to try out the new game which is called Last Word and it was so much fun that we actually played two games.  She had bought Zach's Wii so we had to give it a try as well.  We tried out the bowling and it was the first time I've ever used a Wii but I beat her.  Then we had to try baseball and sure enough I hit a home run.  This is fun!

She had bought a dance program for it so naturally we had to check that out as well.  I will say that it does give you a work out and I am supposed to exercise but for now I'll stay with the slower and shorter versions so I don't run out of breath so easily.

But here it is over halfway through the month of November and just about time for Thanksgiving.  I'll be getting out the Christmas decorations and this weekend will be putting up the outside lights and decorations and will set up the tree the night before Thanksgiving.

I love Christmas and can hardly wait for it to come but I don't want to wish time to go this fast.  My husband always said I was like a kid when this time of year came around and I just couldn't get enough of it.  He was right and I almost got it all out last week but then I decided I would wait.  I know he would want me too and besides it makes it more fun to see the lights come on Thanksgiving night in preparation for the next holiday.

Usually I put up all the lights by myself but last year he got out to help me.  He even suggested we add more and helped as we strung lights all along the fence out front.  I only did part of it.  But he wanted more and so we did it. I look back now and think it was such a fun time with us working together and having him help me and I do so wish he could be here with us this year but I'm sure he is watching over us.

I want to keep some of the traditions that we started and it will make me feel he is a part of our celebration.  I'll be displaying his collection of Nut Crackers and have bought three new ones to add to it.  I'll also put out his favorite train that gives a message as it travels back and forth.  That was something he saw and bought and every year we had it out and he was forever turning it on and showing it to everyone who came or maybe just to sit and watch it by himself.  It will be in a place of honor this year where we all can see it and yes, it will be run, as I will sit and watch it from his favorite chair.

I only hope as the season progresses, Time will slow down so we can savor every day and every minute and enjoy the lights and colors and smells that come with the holiday.  But more important, I hope we have the time to really appreciate the reason for this holiday.  The old Nativity that belonged to my grandparents will be on display along with the other sets I've bought through the years and the Bible will be open to the story of the birth of Jesus. 

And we will make new memories this Christmas to blend with the past memories.

November

November.  I like the sound of that month.  I don't know why but it has a pleasant sound.  Maybe because there is so much associated with it that it makes a person feel happy.

We just had the mid term elections yesterday and I'm sure there are a few who will read this and not be happy, but for me, I am very pleased at the results.  And even more so that I was a part of it right here in my state of Oklahoma where we made history yesterday in electing the first woman governor of our state.  And I think we selected the right woman for the job.  We had two women running but of the two, the conservative won and she will turn this state around and get us back on track and she won almost by a landslide.

We will be ending day light savings time next Sunday, November 7.  Ordinarily it occurs in October but this year it was moved back.  It is already hard to get used to the dusk settling in so early, so I imagine next week I really will be confused as it comes an hour earlier.  I know it is kind of confusing but I just remember the saying, "Spring forward, Fall back," and then I get the right time.  If I'm not sure, the clock on the TV programming guide or my computer will verify it for me.

We will celebrate an honored holiday on November 11th.  Veteran's Day.  To me, it is a very special day as it was the day that I married my husband, 49 years ago.  We would have celebrated our 49th anniversary this year but I won't let it go by.  I plan to go visit him.

But the big holiday will be Thanksgiving.  I love Thanksgiving if I can have all my family together.  Not only do we prepare a huge meal that leaves us feeling miserable and asking why we had to have the second helping, and then all the leftovers that we'll be feasting on for a couple of days, but just being together for talking and laughing, playing games and enjoying being together as a family.  We are not a sports oriented family so there will be no fighting over the TV to watch a football game.  No sirree!  Not in this house.  We will be playing card games or board games or word games with the grandkids and the adults too.  We have as much fun as the kids do.

It is also the day that starts my favorite time of the year, Christmas.  My tree will go up and if the grandkids are here, they will help with the decorations.  I will have already put up the outside lights and decorations so when the sun goes down, the automatic timers will flip on the lights on Thanksgiving night to begin the Christmas celebration.

I used to get up early and hit the stores for the bargains on the Friday after, but not any more.  Being on a limited budget I try to buy little things throughout the year and only buy last minute or if it is a big item, it will be the last on the list.  I love the decorating inside as well as outside, so I'll be busy putting up decorations all around the house, just about in every room.

I have several collections, a Santa collection, my husband's Nutcracker collection, which I have added to this year, plus I have several Nativity scenes that I display along with an open Bible with the story of the glorious birth of our Lord for all to read.

So I guess when I say November, not only is it nice to say, it reminds me of all the delights that lie ahead of me this month and next month.  But most of all it reminds me of all the things I am thankful for as well as my family, near and far.

Fear

I was eleven and lived in a small town in southwest Iowa.  I knew just about everyone in town either as a friend or was related to them in some way so I never had much fear when I had to walk home from school or the library.

This was during the early 1950's when we didn't have computers or cell phones.  I often went to the library to do reference work for my homework so there was nothing unusual about my being at the library late one mid October evening.

My mother always told me to watch the time so that I could leave at dusk and be home before dark but that particular evening, I was engrossed in my studies and the thing is I don't even remember what I was studying at the time.

I just know that I looked out the window and realized it was dark so I put the encyclopedia back in its place and gathered up my notebook.  I told the librarian that I was finished and leaving to go home.  Since she was my mother's cousin she asked if my dad would be picking me up and I told her that I was going to walk home and that my parents knew I would be walking.

In my little town, it wasn't unusual so no one thought of anything causing danger or anyone who might be out there to harm a child. 

I remember it was chilly and I pulled my jacket around me crossing my arms to hold my notebook in front of me.  I looked up the street and decided it looked to dark so headed east towards the Boulevard.  That meant that I would be going two blocks along the north side of the square in front of a couple empty buildings, the fire station and a gas station and the block where the high school sat.

When I reached the corner where I would turn north to walk on the sidewalk along the Boulevard, it would be another six blocks to the corner of my street but there were street lights so I quickened my pace and started out.

I hadn't gone to far when I felt I was being watched.  I turned to look behind me and thought I saw a shadow duck behind a tree but then I didn't see anything.  There was a breeze and the tree limbs swayed causing the light from the street light to dance on the sidewalk and yards.  I could hear the rustling of the leaves as they were blown about and as I continued on, a fear began to form in my stomach.  I quickened my step even more and again I could feel a presence and when I looked, I knew I was right.  There was someone following me.  I was almost at a run, with the fear spreading up into my chest.

My heart was beating so hard and fast that it echoed in my ears and my breathing was labored even though I tried to keep it even.  I kept going, not wanting to stop in case whoever was behind me would catch me.  I would look over my shoulder and once I saw the outline of a man which made my fear heighten even more.  I looked around for a house that I might go to if I needed help but they were dark.  Where was everyone?

I reached the end of the Boulevard and where I would turn to go down my street.  It was two blocks to my house but there were no street lights so I began to run.  I ran as fast as I could on the graveled road hoping my footing would be good and that I wouldn't fall.  I never turned around to see if the figure was still behind me as I ran to the house and ran inside.

Panting, as I was out of breath, my mother asked, "Did you run all the way home?  I thought I told you to start before it got dark."

I was able to catch my breath long enough to say, "Someone was falling me."

My parents looked at one another and my dad asked, "Who was it?"

"I don't know but I saw him.  He followed me up the Boulevard and kept ducking behind a tree but once I saw him."

My dad went out side to look up the street and didn't see anyone until he started to turn to come back to the house and a glimpse of a figure at the corner of our street near the Boulevard caught his attention.  He got into his pickup and started up the street.

I was inside with my mother and younger brother and my mother wondered where he was going.  I think she was concerned now that I wasn't imagining things and someone really was out there.  She watched out the window as we waited for my dad to come back.

He was gone several minutes and when he returned and came inside I heard him tell my mother, "It was Penny.  I took him home and told him not to do it again."

I knew who Penny was.  My brother along with the other children in town had been warned to keep away from Penny.  We weren't told why only that we were not to talk to him or go around him and to cross the street if we had too.

My mind was racing.  I might have been caught by Penny and the horrible thoughts that came to my mind was that he might have had a knife and cut my throat or stabbed me in the back.  I was more frightened then than I was knowing someone was after me. 

I was still shaken and was getting a lecture from both of my parents for staying late at the library and then walking home after dark.  My mother said she would have a talk with her cousin so the next time she would call my dad to come get me.

"But I didn't know.  I told her I could walk home," I told them.  "I didn't know it was Penny or I would have gone to a house and got help."

My parents looked at one another and then to me.  My dad in his even quiet voice told me, "Penny wouldn't hurt you but it is just best you stay away from him."

"But why?  If he won't hurt me."  He always looked like a lonely man as he walked the streets of our town.  I noticed the adults always said hello to him but no one really ever talked to him.

My dad told me, "Penny has a slow mind.  He isn't like ordinary people.  It isn't his fault and he wouldn't hurt you but just the same, it is better that you don't go around him.  He doesn't understand that being nice and friendly is just being polite and he might want you to go somewhere with him, not to hurt you but just to have company and then we might not know where you were.  Do you understand?"

I was beginning to understand but I didn't know why they hadn't told me before.  If he wouldn't hurt us, then what harm would there be in saying hello or passing him on the street.  I guess my parents at the time didn't think I could distinguish the difference of being polite and speaking from being to friendly but I learned a lesson that night. 

I never stayed after dark at the library and if I did, I allowed my mother's cousin to call my dad to come pick me up.  I also learned that sometimes children understand more about a danger or suspected danger if they are told the truth and not be kept in the dark and only imagine what it could be.

I think my parents learned a lesson as well.  They talked to my brother and I more after that, explaining things and why people did the things they did or acted the way they did.  Such as the town drunk.  We knew he acted funny but were told he was sick.

But I have never forgotten that one late October evening as I walked home in the dark and the kind of fear that springs up within us and pumps the adrenalin to the highest level.  The mind works overtime thinking of the danger that is about to strike while it is sorting out what can be done to prevent it.  The heart works hard and the lungs expand in and out at a rapid pace.   And when it is all over, the ever present memory last forever.

Halloween

Halloween should be called "Fun Day".  What original started as a celtic holiday, Samuin, (pronounced sow-an or sow-in), which mean roughly "summer's end".  It was also regarded as the Celtic New Year.  Halloween has evolved into a fun loving, playful holiday.

While the ancient celts thought it was a time allowing the "spirits" (both harmless and harmful) to pass through from this world to the Otherworld.  They thought if they disguised themselves in a costume of a harmful spirit, they could avoid harm.

It was also a time for harvest as they gathered their food for winter and often times they would gather in groups with a large bonfire and used as part of the ritual.

Halloween deriving from the name of All-Hallows Even (evening) is the night before All Hallows Day which honors the saints.   In ancient times, turnips were hollowed out to use as candles and it was in North America, that the pumpkin began to be used for lighting as it was in abundant supply.  Hence, the jack-o-lantern.

Ever wonder why the jack-o-lantern is called that.  It goes back to the ancient times when a man by the name of Stingy Jack was a mean and cruel man who played tricks on his neighbors and decided he was going to trick the devil by having him climb a tree and surrounding it with crosses.  Jack continued playing his devilish games and when he died, he was not allowed to enter Heaven and since he had struck up a deal with the devil after the tree incident, he was not allowed to enter Hell.  He was destined to roam the earth and used the carved out turnip as his light to find his way in the darkness.  When the pumpkin replaced the turnip, it was called the jack-o-lantern from the original Jack o' the lantern.

The colors of Black and Orange are the traditional colors as they represent the "darkness of night," and the "light of the bonfire, autum leaves and the jack-o-lanterns."  The traditional ghosts, witches, vampires, werewolves, demons, bats and black cats were part of the mythical celebrations, and continue today along with haunted houses, graveyards and scary monsters.

Movies become thrillers to scare us, along with ghost stories told around bonfires.  Trick or treating  began in the Middle Ages when the "practice of souling", poor people would go door to door receiving food for prayers to be said on All Souls Day.

In today's celebration, it is one where adults as well as children celebrate.  Wearing costumes to work or parties, they enjoy the holiday as much as the children who look forward to that special costume and getting a lot of candy.  It is a "Fun Day" celebration and all vestage of the original holiday has been lost through the years.

I can still remember as a child when I went trick or treating.  I lived in a small town and at the time, it was a safe time so I was allowed to go with my brother or friends without supervision as I got older and my parents knew that I could find my way home.  Don't laugh, many children had to have help.  I knew just about everyone in town and we all knew which houses had the best treats.

Our first stop was at the Tyler's.  They ran the Coca Cola Distributing in town and everyone got a 5 cent coke, (that was the days when they came in bottles), that we were required to drink there as they had a deposit on the bottle so we weren't allowed to take them with us.  We also received a 5 cent Hershey candy bar and at that time it was the full size bar.  Then we would go to the next house where they had the Meadow Gold Ice Cream Plant and we would get a small container of ice cream.  Again we would eat it there as it would melt before we could get it home.  We knew that the people who ran the Dime Store would give out bags of candy and the principal of the school would give out a package of gum (the kind with 5 sticks and we could choose Spearamint, Doublemint, Juicy Fruit or my favorite, Black Jack.), we also knew where we would get the candied applies all wrapped so they would be okay until we got home, the popcorn balls and so many other goodies.

So we might have to sing a song or do a little dance step, we knew we were going to be rewarded with something good.  We would return home with a sack full of goodies that my mother would put away only allowing us to choose a goody each day for a week later.  I think they also enjoyed some of our loot too.

As I turned 12 I wasn't allowed to dress up and go door to door for treats, I was allowed to go to the local movie theater and watch such horror shows as Frankenstein, The Werewolf and The Mummy.  I guess you could say they were mild to some of the horror movies out today, but I can tell you at the time, they were plenty scary for us.

I had a few years that I missed out on the trick or treating but as my younger sister began to go, both my brother and I got to share in the loot she brought home and it was fun being able to get out and see her have so much fun.

In my teens, I would host a Halloween party or go to one and natually thought I was a grown up.  It wasn't until I was a mother and able to dress my daughter up to take her trick or treating, that the holiday was really fun again and later when I had two daughters that would go out.  I helped with their school parties and we made it a special time for them.

Halloween may only come once a year, just as the 4th of July or Christmas, but it is one holiday that is everyone looks forward too.   There is something magical about getting dressed up and going out into the dark night with other ghouls and jack-o-lanterns staring at you from a door step.  It has become more commercialized during the last few years but the main idea is still there allowing us to pretend one night that we are devils or witches, skeltons or mummies to scare and be scared and just have fun.

Happy Halloween!!

Sunshine

Why is it that when the sun shines, everything looks better.  The bright yellow ball in the sky seems to be able to lift our spirits and make the world seem right.

This past Monday was a gorgeous sunny day with the bluest sky, cloudless and little if no breeze.  A perfect day to be out and enjoying the outdoors and I was.  It was one of those perfect Fall days when just a hint of color on the trees even seemed brighter and the contrast with the blue sky made them spectacular.

Then yesterday was dark, gloomy, cool and a gentle rain fell off and on.  The type of day when you want to cuddle up inside with a nice warm blanket and a good book or be able to watch a good movie.  For me, it gave me an opportunity to do some writing.

Just as I've been negligent in keeping up this blog, I've let my writing slide too.  I had other projects I was working on but now it is time to get back to what I love to do and that is to write.  I've got so many stories running around in my head but can only work on one at a time.  I discovered that the hard way.  I had two going and soon they almost became one, so now I make my little notes and only work on one at a time.

I keep putting off the rest of the editing on the short stories but I'm sure I'm going to have more rainy days ahead and will get it done so I can put them together and publish my short stories.  I've got a couple that I want to finish and add to the collection.  It will be my gift to my family.

Today started gloomy but midday the sun began breaking through the clouds and is sunny and warm and another blue sky but there are a few soft white clouds floating around.  But I had to get out and it was so nice to see and feel the sun.

Living here at the lake it is always a pleasant drive when I have to drive into town and cross over the lake.  For some reason, when the sun is shining, the lake glistens and the banks always remind me of photographs of far off shores.  With the houses along the shoreline and beaches, it is like a postcard and never a tiresome sight.

Of course, with the busy highway, it is hard to take the time to really enjoy the views as the driver, but I still managed to get a couple of glimpses. 

I know we can't have sunshine in our lives all the time, but I think I'm going to think sunshine even on the gloomiest of days as my spirits soar and I feel the warmth and comfort of the sunshine.  It not only brightens up the outside, but inside as well.  If we can keep that sunshine with us, our days will always be bright.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

It is true, most days are good days but some are just better than others.  However, today was not one of those better days for me.  It wasn't even a good day.

First, it would have been my husband's 70th birthday.  I looked at his picture this morning and wished him a Happy Birthday just the same.  This afternoon I drove up to the cemetery to talk with him.  I wanted to wish him Happy Birthday there plus let him know several of our family, friends and many of our internet friends all sent wishes as well.

The day started off beautifully as the sun rose over the trees sending tentacles of light through the branches extending across the yard until it was high enough to bath the yard in full light, making the dew covered grass shine as sparkling diamonds.  The blue sky went from a light to a deep color and I knew it was going to be a good day.

I had a doctor's appointment and knew the spirit of my husband would be there as I got test results and if he was, I'm sure he was as surprised and shocked as I was.  But I do think he was with me, long enough to see to it that I made it back home to recollect myself and my thoughts from the news I'd received.

My day had turned dark, not truly dark as the sun shone down and the sky was cloudless and a bright clear blue, but it was dark to me.

The doctor told me that I have COPD, with compressed diaphragms, meaning they can't make the lungs work as they should.  And in addition, they were fibroid.  This is a condition usually caused by work related causes, dust, toxic fumes or chemicals, coal miners and such.  But it can also appear for no reason or might have been brought on by asthma, which it seems I might have had for years and was undiagnosed as they knew of the chronic bronchitis and allergies.  It makes no difference now how it came to be, it happened and now I will go see a Pulmologist for a confirmation and treatment options.

The options will be few and there is no cure.  Basically I will use an inhaler until I have to go on oxygen and as the condition worsens, it will eventually lead to a respirator.  It won't happen over night but will get steadily worse so I know what is coming and I made a decision that when that time comes, I will refuse the respirator.

I do not want to be a burden on my daughter or grandson and I can't ask them to give up their lives to take care of me.  I've always believed that when God decides to bring me home I will go.  Living on a machine is only delaying that and I will not ask God to wait for me either.

The oddest thing of all is that I have been a smoker for over 50 years and it has nothing to do with what I'm suffering from now.  It didn't cause it and will not make it worse or hasten it.  However, I am going to have to quit due to the Chronic Bronchitis I have as smoking does irritate that.  The x-rays show my lungs as clear and there is no indication of Emphysema at all.  I think I could have handled that easier than what I heard today but even then it would have been hard.

The bright light in all of this is that I am an optimist and I think positive.  Even when I think everything is caving in around me, I still am able to see that light at the end of the tunnel and know that in time, it will work out.  Just as this will.  I don't know when or how long, but I plan to take each day and make it special and live it to the fullest.

I was feeling pretty down as I made my trip to the cemetery but after talking to my beloved, I found a peace and the rest of my day looked bright again.  I know he was there with me, supporting me and just letting me know that it will be all right.

I've got the support of my family and as I told my oldest daughter, "I'm a tough old bird and it is going to take a lot to get me down."

So tomorrow will surely be a better day.

Neighbors

Neighbors.  You either love them or hate them.  I'm very fortunate that I have some very good neighbors.  When my husband and I retired here at the lake, we moved back into the same area we had lived in before and what a surprise to find that a neighbor across the street and up one house was our neighbor when we lived here before.  A lot of our old neighbors are still here and of course are friends too.  It was like coming home when we moved here.

Since then we have met many more of our neighbors and one couple in particular have become very close.  When my husband was with us, the four of us met at least once a week for an evening of good visiting and laughs and of course a few drinks.  We called it our Happy Hour. 

We had other good neighbors who became friends as well, but Spike and Betty held a special place for us.  The four of us just seemed to hit it off with similiar likes but also a few dislikes which led to interesting discussions but for some reason, we knew when to draw the line and never a cross word was said amongst us.  That to me is a good sign of friendship.  We agreed to disagree and moved on without any feeling of resentment.

Then when my husband became ill, again our neighbors had a good word or just check in and when he passed away, I had a house full of neighbors and friends here with me and my daughter.  They were there for me for weeks afterwards and still are here for me.

It is so nice to go outside and wave or say hello or just chat with a neighbor who is passing by or if I happen to go by their house.  We all seem to find the time to speak and see how the other is doing.  It is a caring neighborhood and almost a rarity in today's world.

We all look out for each other, letting someone know when we are going to be gone or just in general keeping an eye on each other's places.    Of course, living here at the lake which is a popular vacation and weekend retreat, we have a lot of what we call "part timers" or "weekenders."  Again, most are friendly but there is always a few who aren't as friendly or helpful but they soon learn after a while, that this is a close knit community and that we all care about each other. 

We are getting more permanent residents and try to welcome them and include them when we can.  We avoid the cliques as much as possible and for those few who insist on being isolated, we do not ignore them but remain friendly and let them know that we care for them as well. All in all, I think I have some of the best neighbors anywhere. 

This morning when I returned from an early morning doctor's appointment, I noticed one of my neighbor's was having a garage sale.  I stopped, not really needing anything but more to visit with them and look around too.  While there, another neighbor couple came and soon we were all catching up on the latest news.

We have a family camaraderie amongst us as we all know about our families and ask how they are doing or listen as we hear about the newest addition to the family or an achievement from a child or grandchild.  We are there for each other when someone is ill or has suffered a loss.

Yes, I am blessed and fortunate that I have such wonderful neighbors and especially my two best friends, Spike and Betty who are there always just as I will be there for them.

The First Frost

Yesterday morning when I woke up, the sun was barely in the horizon and as it slowly made its way upward, I noticed the white haze on my car parked outside.  Yes, sure enough, we had our first frost.  More of a heavy dew/frost combination but at 36 degrees it was doing its damage to items in the air, such as cars and fences.  However, it didn't last long as the sun made its wayward appearance and even with the chill in the air, its warming power soon made haste of the haze covering everything.

It has been a chilly two days, bringing out the flannels at night with a heavier quilt on the bed.  The furnace has been clicking off and on even on its low setting so the chill is taken out of the house but isn't providing a lot of warmth.  The long sleeves, sweaters and even the sweats have been brought out of their summer hibernation to be put forward for dress.  Soon it will be time to retire the short sleeves, shorts and summer tees.

I walked around the yard yesterday checking for signs of damage from this cold spell.  The potted plants close to the house had enough protection that they weren't harmed, but it will soon be time to either take them inside to a safe place or let them succumb to the cold and be replaced.  Some of them have been with me for over two years as I work each winter to keep them going.  I'm not sure I am up to it this year and may let them go and buy all new next year.

The outlying gardens were burned up with the excessive heat and drought we had so there was nothing for the frost to take away this time.  But with the frost, comes the falling of sap and just maybe what leaves are left on the trees will give us some hue of color although I'm not really expecting much.  The heat took its toll on them as well and many are already showing the brown of winter and have been losing their leaves steadily.

There is something else about the first frost.  It seems to bring a clarity and crispness to the air.  The sky seems bluer and the air seems fresher.  Perhaps it is just the chill that makes it seem that way but I do think it affects the atmosphere as with the summer sky, there was not this crispness as if it were all new and ready to start a new life.

Fall is the end of the summer, a death of warmth and summer flowers, swimming, vacations, a time of fun and yet it is also alive with its own color, a degree of warmth mixed with just enough chill to make it comfortable.  The falling leaves crunch under foot until raked into large piles and then the smell as they burn into ash.  It is the smell of Fall and signals that the dead season will soon be upon us.

October, known for the harvest is a one of a kind month.  We can have gorgeous days with warmth reminding us of the summer, or we can have the cool days that lets us know that winter is right around the corner waiting for us to stay inside with the warmth of a fireplace and the smell of cookies and pies baking in the oven.

Our frost came early this year and makes me wonder what is coming later.  I don't like the frost as I don't like the cold that comes after.  I would like to have perfect weather but I have no control over that.  Mother Nature is in charge as always and it will be her decision on what the days to come will be like.  She can be as gentle as a lamb with perfect sunny warm days or she can wreck havoc with gray skies, downpours and storms and then she can also give us the silence of winter as the ground lies white with snow and the cold is so crisp that when walking, you can hear the crunch beneath your feet.

So here I sit knowing the first frost has come and gone and there will be many more, each one a little more and lasting a little longer but it is part of life and part of the seasons of life.  I will look out my window upon the dormancy that arrives with fall and hope and wish for the warm days of spring to return.  They will when it is time.  Until then, I will learn to adjust to the change and bundle up or snuggle under the warm covers a little longer.

The First Place

I think everyone remembers the first place they had that was all theirs, not the home of the parents or a friend, but their very own place.  It might be a small apartment or a small house, but it was all ours and we could fix it up the way we wanted and we could do what we wanted.

My grandson has just rented his first place.  It is a nice small two bedroom home that is roomy enough for him and very nice.  He is so happy with it and already has plans for where he will be putting his sofa, when he gets one, the TV and will have one room just for his computer equipment.

His mother and I have been gathering things that he will need to start up housekeeping, towels, plates, glasses, pans, utensils and a whole slew of other things we happened to think about.  His dad has contributed a few things like a microwave and a bedroom suite.

They went to the store tonight to buy groceries and a staples such as foil, spices, baggies and little things we don't really think about but are needed if a person is to live there.

Of course, he had to have some housewarming gifts for his new home.  I got him a penny candy jar to use as a cookie jar and filled it with one of his favorite cookies.  I found a cute little Fall floral arrangement he can put on his table.  For now he will use a card table but will have a real table soon.  I also got him a Fall wreath to hang on his front door.  His mother gave him some hand soap and a candle and then presented him with a new home welcome kit.  A loaf of bread so there would be no hunger, a box of salt so that there would always be seasoning and a bottle of wine so there would always be joy.

He was quite pleased and as they fixed a pizza in his oven, we put down shelf paper in his shelves and began to unpack some of the sacks of things they had bought while we visited and he told us what he wanted to do.

It brought back so many memories of the first place my husband and I had.  Neither one of us had a place of our own until we got married.  He was in the service and we were a long way from home but rented a small apartment that was a studio apartment.  The Murphy bed was in the living room but it was a nice place and we were thrilled with it.  But our first stop was to a Woolworth's where we bought pans and other little things we needed plus a stop at a grocery store to stock up on food.  Then it was unpacking the car that had brought us 1500 miles from our families.  I had bought dishes, silverware and we had towels and sheets and little knick knacks plus all of our clothes.  It didn't take long and we were settled into our new place.  We found a used furniture store and bought a console TV for $20 which was a lot of money in 1962 but it was nice and it worked.  The apartment was furnished so we didn't have to buy furniture. 

It also brought back some memories of when my oldest daughter moved out on her own and all the little things we bought for her to help her start up her housekeeping.  She lived with friends which helped on the rent part and the only time she ever had an apartment by herself, she only stayed two months because she had mice and refused to stay there.  I can't say that I blame her but they could have been contained but it was too much and she moved back home until she found another place.

My youngest moved out to live with a school friend and they worked and went to college but were fortunate to have a house that belonged to her family to rent at a low rate.  They had most of the furniture from her room mate's family and between them they managed to get what they needed to get started.

That seems like so many years ago and yet it hasn't been.  But now, my almost 20 year old grandson is moving out on his own.  He has gone from that small youngsters running around laughing and showing us his toys to the young man who was interested in computers and began following his dream and now is a very bright mature young man with a good job and is starting a new venture in his life, having his own home.

I'm so proud of him for the young man he has grown in to and I look forward to many visits to his home and I'm sure he'll have something new to show me each time.  And the fun of being able to find little things for him and his new home is just beginning.

There are Doctors and then there are Doctors

In June, 1994, actually the day that O.J. Simpson went on his wild driving spree after the death of his wife, Nicole, I was involved in a serious accident.  I had picked up my daughter from work and we were going home when a young girl, 15 years old driving on a permit with a 17 year old licensed driver in the pickup truck with her was speeding and ran a stop sign hitting my van in the middle of an intersection.  The impact threw my van up and over the northwest corner breaking the tire away from the wheel, back across the street and up over a curb and it stopped at the front door of a house on the southwest corner.

I was dazed and in shock and kept yelling for someone to call the police.  My daughter was not seriously injured was able to get out and the people who lived in the home had called the police.  It was a nightmare and the officer never really talked to me until after the other driver had left and then he spoke briefly to me.  The EMS was called but I didn't think my injuries were severe that I needed a ride in the ambulance and that I would have a friend of my daughter come pick us up and take me.  We arranged for the van to be towed to a friend's garage.

I was checked out at the hospital and sent home even though I kept telling them I felt as if I had some broken ribs or something had happened to my left shoulder, arm and chest area.  My neck was already stiffening up and I had a cut on my leg where I hit the gear shift plus a small cut on my left hand which we never really did figure out how it happened unless the impact which threw me towards the driver's door which took the hit on the post, somehow caused it.

I went home and tried to rest but the pain would not go away and the following weeks were frequent checks to the doctor's office and even the emergency room when I thought I was having a heart attack.  I couldn't lift my left arm up to even comb my hair or to get dressed was so painful it brought tears.  My neck continued to get worse and after countless x-rays, MRI's they did a cat scan and showed nothing.  The only diagnosis was that I was badly bruised and had some pulled muscles.  I suffered Whip Lash which no one considered an injury at the time, however since then, they are looking at this type of injury and its long term effects.

I was sent for therapy which only aggravated the condition and I begged my doctor to let me stop.  I was fitted with a tens unit to help control the pain however I couldn't use it near the heart area so only in the rib area and shoulder and neck and even then I had to be careful where I placed it.

I was seen and examined by over a half a dozen doctors, went to the emergency room and everyone seemed to think I was exaggerating and that I wasn't hurt as bad as I seemed to think.  They insisted that the therapy and tens unit would cure me and that it took time for "pulled muscles" and bruises to heal.

After several months, I was able to lift my arm again but there was still pain but I continued to use it as I didn't want it to freeze up on me.  I was unable to work and lost my job.  To supplement our income, as my husband was driving a floral delivery truck and making wood crafts on his off time which I would paint and finish so we could do craft shows to bring in the extra money.

I worried about him driving during the winter months and in September 1995 we had the opportunity to buy a farm in south west Arkansas.  My insurance company was giving me no support and told me I should settle with hers as I really didn't have a case.  So when we decided to move and leave the Joplin, Missouri area we made a settlement with her insurance company.  There again, when I asked about future medical they almost laughed and then had the gall to have my husband sign the papers since his name was first on our insurance.  He was not at the accident, not in the vehicle and was at work and never found out about the accident until 7 hours later when he came home and found me and I told him.

But it was done and I knew that I would have future bills.  The statute has run out now and after years of explaining to doctors, I was always told the same thing or that it was something else and that it wasn't related.  It didn't seem to bother them that I can only turn my head part way to the left and when I'm driving or need to look over my left shoulder, I have to turn my body to see.  When I complained about the soreness and pain in my chest, I was told I had Pleurisy and possible inflammation from Bronchitis.  I was treated with antibiotics and suffered through it even after the symptoms disappeared for a few days, they would return.



But since I was also experiencing allergy conditions, he checked me over and said he thought I had an allergy related asthma and prescribed an inhaler and gave me some antibiotics and meds to help me get through the initial siege.  But all summer I have suffered with the allergies, runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes, coughing and of course a heaviness in my chest making it hard to breathe at times.  I've worn a mask when I'm out and the pollen count is high but I still had all the problems as if I'd never wore one.

About a month ago, I began to notice some changes.  The pain in the chest was worse and the coughing made it awful.  It caused a sharp severe pain in the chest, muscle spasms which felt as if I had a belt tightening around my chest and then a pain down the left arm.  I admit I was worried that I could be having a heart attack.  It would come and go and finally I made the appointment to go see my doctor.

First of all he said it was not a heart attack and after I told him about the accident and the pain, soreness and tenderness and that sometimes it felt as if my lung might be collapsed or something, he looked at me and told me that I have a condition called Costochrondritis.  It involves the cartilage connecting the rib cage to the breast bone and is an injury that never really heals.  It will get better but can also become inflamed from colds, allergies, viruses or any upper respiratory infection.

He even gave me a print out of the condition, its symptoms, the causes and what treatment is available.  It had taken 16 years but I found a doctor who knew and understood and now I will be undergoing treatment with anti inflammatory (non-steroidal) for the rest of my life.  He said it will be the only way to control the pain and soreness and the severe pain I experience.

This has been the biggest relief to me.  I know it is there and I will have pain and discomfort but I also know how to take care of it now and I can relax knowing it isn't my heart or that I am having a heart attack.  Not to say that some day I could but for now, we know my heart is good and isn't the cause.

I will be undergoing Pulmonary Function tests in a week to see what we can do about the Asthma which he thinks is the main cause of my problems with congestion and breathing. 

It is also nice to know that I can do my chores without having to worry if I'll be in so much pain later that I can't sleep or even sit for long periods as sometimes all I can do is walk or stand and try to stretch or do anything to make the spasms and pain go away.

Why after all the examinations and doctors I met with immediately after my accident and those I have had all these years, that they couldn't diagnose this for me and give me something, I don't know but I do know that I have been blessed with a knowledgeable doctor who has diagnosed it and is treating it.

This is a man who is more than just a Doctor.  He is caring and he listens and he knows his medicine.  He is a Doctor, one that can be trusted and I know one day he will retire and I will be lost as I've never met a doctor who I've had this much confidence in.  He cares more about taking care of his patients than how much money he will make.  I think back about some of the doctors I've seen with their fancy offices and all the latest equipment and the money that I've spent or when I had insurance, that was paid and then I look at my doctor now with a nice but older office, with equipment that is needed for the office and with our local hospital, he can order x-rays, lab work or whatever he needs.

He not only corrected my blood pressure medicine, but discovered my cholesterol levels were high and is treating me for that problem as well.  No other doctor had done that or even checked me for it. 

Yes, there are Doctors and then there are real Doctors and my Doctor is the later.  Thank you Dr. Farrow.

A Different Kind of Vice

I admit that I have some vices, I like to have a drink or two now and then, I smoke but am really trying to quit and have cut back considerably.  I love playing games on the computer when I'm bored and I LOVE CATS. 

And to me cats are my vice.  I collect cats, the kind you put on a shelf and look at and I have shirts with cats on them, some have sayings, but I also have the real kind.  I even wrote a book about cats I used to have and other short stories about cats. Currently I have two indoor cats.  Ms. Kitty who is 2 1/2, a gray striped tabby who thinks this is her house and we are allowed to occupy it with her and Shadow, a one year old long haired white with gray markings similar to a Siamese or Himalayan who is gentle and loving and takes Ms. Kitty's abuse.

There are times when the two of them get along famously but then there are the times when for no reason, she decides he has denied her something and she slaps the dickens out of him.  He rarely retaliates but will slink away from her until she is over her tantrum.

I also have some outdoor cats.  I have a yellow tom named Freddie, a solid black tom named Midnight, a gray tabby called Mean Mama who I can't catch and is continuously providing me with more kittens to find homes for.  I did have another wild and mean female who has isolated herself from the others, but I don't think it was her choice.  I think she was banned for some reason.  Being wild, I have been unable to catch her but so far she isn't giving me litter after litter of kittens.  Then there are the twins, two little girls kittens that I've tried to capture and give away but evade me.  They are white like Shadow and beginning to show the gray markings so are beautiful cats but being female, I need to have them spayed if I am going to keep them and catching them is a job.

But this comes to a new segment in my outdoor cats lives.  Mean Mama has three little kittens right now that I am trying to tame down to find homes when they are weaned.  She recently brought them out so that they can learn how to eat the cat food and drink from the water dish I provide but they are also still nursing so not quite ready to take away yet.

But as with all kittens, just like babies, they are just so darn cute and it is so hard to part with them.  They bounce around and play with each other, climb up on things and fall off but get right back up and do it again.  They jump at each other as if they are big and brave and will scare the other one.   They are at that awkward stage when they often stagger or fall when they are running.  But they get right back up and keep right on going.

Kind of reminds me of toddlers as they begin to walk and run.  And I guess baby kittens are like that too. They go through a toddler stage.

Now, comes my dilemna.  There are three little cuties, a gray tabby which is a little girl, a calico with white, also a little girl and then there is Tippy.  He is dark colored with white feet and white under his chin and on his face and just a tip of white on his tail.  And he is a little boy.

Today, friends of my daughter were here and talked me into brining Tippy inside.  He did settle down on my lap and went to sleep and seemed contented but I knew he isn't quite ready to leave Mama just yet so I did take him back to her later.  Now I have to decide if I do want to bring him in and let Ms. Kitty and Shadow have a new playmate and also another stumbling block that will be at my feet or if I leave him outside to be with Freddie and Midnight who for tomcats seemed to like it here and never venture far from home.

Right now, Tippy is cute and sweet and cuddly but he will grow up to be a big cat and that is where I am having a problem deciding.  With three cats inside, I know that will mean another food bowl, another litter box, more cat hair and more danger of one getting tangled up under my feet and tripping me.  But then there is that moment when they are so loving and sit on my lap and close their eyes and purr, kneading me and letting me know how much they love me.

It is a hard decision and I know if I do leave him out, I will worry about him just as I do Freddie and Midnight.  There is always the chance that they could get run over by a car if they would happen to run out into the road, or be attacked by a dog who is a cat hater, as we do have a few around the neighborhood, or even a wild animal as I have heard the coyotes running in the open area behind my house.

Freddie and Midnight have learned and as I said, they don't stray to far from the house and they have learned to avoid some of the pitfalls but there is always that chance they will be caught unawares and something could happen to them.  I try not to think about it, but it happens. 

Both are gentle souls who often play with the kittens and I'm sure that should I keep Tippy, they will take him under their care and train him the way things should be for a cat living outside.  They do have a special place to go when it is raining or cold and so are kept warm and dry.

I do have allergies and I think my indoor cats do add to that but at the same time, I would be lost without their companionship.  They seem to know when I'm sad or I'm ill and are right there to give me comfort and for me there is just something about having a cat or two in the house that makes it homey.  I've had a lot of cats through the years and felt the heartache when I've lost them but I have been fortunate to find a new one that doesn't take their place, but gives me the comfort and companionship and fills my heart full of love for them while keeping my memories of the love I had for my lost companions.

Common sense tells me that I really don't need three cats living with me inside the house, while the softer side who loves cats is saying yes, please bring in the new bundle of joy to add to the family.  And probably my common sense will just disappear once I know that Tippy is weaned and I expect that he will become a fixture inside, joining Ms. Kitty and Shadow and giving me a lap full of cats to love.

Progressing? Regressing?

It is a question that I often ask myself these days.  It seems since our government has deemed that they know more about what we want or how we want to live, we are not Progressing but we are Regressing.

They have reduced the size of our cars so that the safety features have all but disappeared.  With the smaller and lighter weight, they may reduce fuel usage by a couple of miles per gallon but they are a hazard and a danger.  If you look at a new car that is even in a minor crash, it is almost destroyed.  Now, if it is a major crash, the chance of injury or even death is much greater.

I'm all for conservation, but sometimes it can be carried away with fanatics and the car is just one of those fantasies.

And why can't we produce our own oil and gas in this country?  We did for years and it was a very good livilihood for several people.  Our costs were low at the pump, we had refineries that that we didn't have to pay to have it hauled halfway around the world and pay the exhorbant prices that we are forced to pay.  Not only did the oil field workers lose their jobs, the refinery workers were laid off too as refineries were closed down.  They said because the cost of upgrading would be too much.  Please!  The American people are not stupid, not when there were millions being made daily on the production.  The CEO's just didn't want to part with any of their profit.  They would rather put it in their pocket than put it back into the business.

One of the main principles of business is that the profit can only be after all the bills are paid and that also includes maintenance or even upgrading.  That is a very simple principle and common sense if they have any, should realize that you can't spend your money and then try to fix something or complain that it might cost you an extra dollar that you can't take home to spend on a fancy car or boat or a trip around the world.  Please! Get real and know your business practices.

And the government wants to control our food, either by telling us we can't buy fast food or making our work areas free of pop machines as we might have too much sugar.  Since when are they the food police.  If a person is going to eat fast food, no one is going to stop them, if they become obese, it is by their own choosing.  They need to find the will power to eliminate the fast food if they want to lose weight.

But when they begin saying, "You can't have a garden," because they are afraid you might give away or sell your excess produce, or even if you have a truck garden, then that is a no-no.  Why?  We have had gardens for years and ate from our own gardens or shared with our family, friends and neighbors.  Since when is it a crime to grow a tomato or bean on your own property for your own food source?  Since the government has decided that it will cheat the big farmer who has all the prepared foods in the grocery store.  It comes down to the bottom line again. 

We cannot have gardens to grow fresh vegetables, but yet it is perfectly all right for us to buy vegetables at the grocery store that are grown in foreign countries that have no laws in regards to use of pesticides or growing conditions.  Then when an illness breaks out, they are all flustered.  I'm really surprised more people don't get sick and die eating food that is grown outside this country.  I refuse to buy it.  I will grow my own or go without before I will by foreign grown food.

Today, a giant in the industry of this country shut down after doing business for over a century, providing us with something so simple and yet much needed.  The electric light bulb.  I really think Thomas Edison had a great idea and wanted Progress when he invented the light bulb.  It took us away from the dim light of the kerosene lamps which weren't that good and hard on the eye sight.

So today, General Electric, stating they were shutting down because of the demand of the public for the new curly Q light bulb the government is forcing on us, is no longer.  More people out of a job because some ignoramus thinks he knows what the people want. 

I feel like I might as well pull out my Great Grandfather's oil lamp and find the fuel to use it as the new light bulbs don't put off much more light than that oil lamp.

Supposedly it is a cost cutting factor.  The new bulb uses less electricity so therefore it is supposed to be better.  WRONG!!!  When you have to use more than one in close proximity just to have enough light to read or even see if you are sewing on a button, then how is that cost effective.   So you use six bulbs in the overhead instead of four just so you can see what you are doing.  Is that cost effective?  Is that Progression?

Security lights?  Forget it.  The outdoor light will be so dim, that it will almost invite unwanted visitors to your door as they can hide in the shadows much easier.

No, I think we are REGRESSING and will continue to regress as long as we allow our government to make decisions about our daily lives.  It is not PROGRESSION when jobs are removed because they feel they aren't viable or when they take the attitude that LESS IS BEST.

I am mad.  Really mad.  So I will continue to drive my older model car and I will have to pay for the high gas prices but at least I'm comfortable and feel I have a fighting chance if I should have an accident.  And I am going to buy up all the incandescent bulbs I can find so that I will have good light when I need it and I refuse to use the Curly Q that is antiquated before it ever gets started.  And I will grow my own garden and eat my own food even if I have to meet the inspectors at the gate to my private property to tell them to go away. 

I refuse to regress and I will progress the best way I know how but I will not allow anyone to tell me that I can't do something, or won't do something or how to do something as long as I am an American and I am free.

AH CHOO!!

I've always had a little trouble with what was called "spring fever," when the pollen counts were up and I'd be out but not a real problem until the last few years when my doctor told me it was allergies that was causing my constant sneezing, coughing, runny nose, watery eyes thing. 

 WHAT?  I'm to old to be suffering from allergies.  I thought that was for the younger crowd.  Wrong.  Anyway now I have Asthma associated with the allergies so there are days when I am miserable and even worse trying to sleep.

I have an inhaler and wear a mask when I'm working outside.  I hate the mask and am now called "The Masked Bandit of the Neighborhood."  But it does help so I put the silly thing on.  I wear it when I'm out with the trimmer, or riding on the mower and sometimes just when I'm out messing around and the pollen count is so high.

I can really sympathize with allergy suffers now as I am also one of them.  But to me, it seems there are more and more these days.  Maybe it is just that there are more people around and so it is more noticeable.

Kind of like food allergies.  Used to be no one heard of anyone really being allergic to any foods, but then we used to grow our own and our grandmothers and mothers prepared it in their own kitchens without all the additivies that are in our prepared foods we buy at the grocery store.

And with the pesticides which are used and they are regardless of what the law says about using them.  If they didn't, the crops would be eaten alive by the pests. 

Another thing is that most of our fresh vegetables and some of our fruit isn't even grown in our country and allowed to grow in foreign countries with no control over pesticide use or for that matter, control over the sanitary growing conditions.

If I buy anything from the grocery store, I make sure I wash it thoroughly as I have no idea where it came from or the conditions for which it was grown.  I prefer to buy locally from growers that I know so I feel safer.  My husband loved to garden and we used to have a garden to grow our own, but I'm not a gardener so I have to rely on buying either prepared canned or frozen or buy from a country market if I can find one.

And we have so many different fibers in our homes and clothes.  I'm sure there are many things in the fabrics that can cause allergies.  It used to be that we only had cotton or cotton blends but even now some of them can cause allergic reactions.

Spring, Summer and Fall.  The best seasons to get outside and enjoy ourselves and yet the worst time of the year for allergy sufferers.  Seems only Winter is allergy free unless you are allergic to the wood burning in the fireplace or foods.

I guess it is just another one of those things we have in our daily lives that we have to compensate for.  We take our meds and use inhalers but we aren't going to give up what we enjoy even though we know we will suffer later.   Ah Choo!

Chitlins to Caviar

When I struggled to find a title to my latest book, I wanted something that would reflect two completely different life styles.  It suddenly came to me that the young lady in this story lives a simple life with little fluff or glamour, until she is catapulted into a new life style, one that allows her travel to all the places she has dreamed about, giving her the things she always wanted, a life of style, glamour and notoriety.

Chitlins, a slang of Chiterlings is a common staple among rural families who often make their own Chitlins, a snack similiar to those we often buy in the grocery store.  Chitlins are made from the belly of a pig and would be considered in the same food category as pork rinds or some chips.

Caviar, of course is the eggs from fish, served as an appetizer for the elite who think eating Caviar is the epitome of class and style.

To be honest, I've never eaten either one and really don't care too but if that is someone's taste, then who am I to say anything against it. 

Chitlins to Caviar

     Martha Rose dreamed that one day she would have the fine home and exquisite dresses of the beautiful women she saw on the movie screen or in the magazines.  Living on a farm, her attire most of the time were denim jeans and a plaid shirt and of course being barefoot as she ran through the tall grasses or waded in the streams.  Lazing by the side of a creek waiting for the fish to bite were her times when she could look up in the sky and dream of the day when she would have everything she ever wanted.
     Martha Rose had a talent that was discovered by accident.  If it was from all the photos and movie scenes she had seen, she didn't know but she had a fashion sense and when a friend of her brother discovers this talent, she helps Martha Rose go to school and also helps her find a position in the fashion industry as a designer for a well known Paris fashion salon.
     Martha Rose studies and learns but she also has her own style that she would like to show.  And by working with a French designer, the thrill of a lifetime is presented as she goes to Paris and her designs are in demand.
     But there are problems in her personal life.  She met Richard, a friend of her brother and slowly she falls in love with him thinking that he could never care for her.  Then there is Gerard, the designer who is in love with Martha Rose and could give her everything she ever wanted and more.
     As Gerard puts pressure on her, Martha Rose leaves the salon, going back to her small home town, not facing defeat but a new determination.  She can start all over on her own and with that determination, she discovers that Richard wants to be a part of her life.
     Martha Rose embarks on her new adventure with enthusiasm and love but can she transform herself from the poor country girl who loves Chitlins to the successful designer with Caviar taste?


A delightful story that makes you want to cry and laugh but most of all, you want to be there to help Martha Rose and encourage her as she faces the fashion world and the disappointments and the joys as she discovers what she really wants and what is really important in her life.

For more information about Chitlins to Caviar visit my website at www.writer43.webs.com