When we are small and we get a hurt, our mother is always there to kiss it to make it better, as we grow older, she is there with comforting words to get us through our problems and even as we mature and have families of our own the mother is always there for support and gives advice when asked.
A mother is one of the most important people in our lives. She carried us inside her for 9 months and gave us life and then she nurtured us as we grew. She was our care taker, our teacher, our nurse, our chauffeur, our confident but most of all she was a presence in our lives.
Some have lost their mothers to illness and others have lost them because of circumstances they couldn't be there for them. But those who have lost their mothers because of favoritism to another sibling is a very hurtful loss.
I've always been fairly close to my mother, maybe not as close as I would have liked to have been but as close as a mother and daughter should be. She was there when I needed advice and she was supportive but there was also a wall between us that just didn't get knocked down all the way and often times it caused problems with our relationship.
Being the oldest, I was designated with a few more chores, which is normal for most families. The oldest usually does help out more and especially with the younger siblings. My brother is almost three years younger than me and we grew up in a small farming community with no real close neighbors that had children so we learned to play together as we only had each other most of the time. We had our friends from school and on weekends would see our cousins but most of the time it was just him and me.
But when I was almost fourteen and he was almost eleven, our parents had another child. Babies have a natural draw for anyone and our little sister stole our hearts. And she adored her big brother and big sister. That is until I was married and moved away and then started my own family, my brother had gone into the service and then had his own life. Since she was in her teens and primarily an "only child" now left at home, my parents gave in to her demands as they didn't want the confrontation from her temper tantrums.
Through the years, we all suffered from her little episodes of how badly she had it growing up and that she wasn't loved or treated right and most of the time we ignored her or attempted to tell her it wasn't all that bad and that we had problems as we grew up too.
But now, we are all older mature adults, my brother and I in our mid to late 60's while our younger sister is in her mid 50's. My brother and I are constantly being told not to tell our younger sister things as she would only stew and worry. However, I think most of the stewing and worrying is about herself and how she is going to come out on top of things and not really the concern about a family member. She goes through the motions but then she shows what she really wants and she will continue until she gets it. She doesn't care who gets hurt or how they get hurt as long as she is able to get what she wants when she wants it. She threatens, she lies, she gets vindictive until everyone gives in to her.
Recently my mother who just turned 91 decided it was time to go into a nursing home. She called and told me what she wanted to do and told me I was not to tell my younger sister about any of it. She also told me that she wanted me to take care of her affairs as she knew I would do what needed to be done and that she could trust me. I agreed to do it for her as my main concern was to see to it that she was in a safe environment with the help she needed. I am responsible enough to know that there are certain things that have to be done and I was trying to get this all done for her even though we are almost 600 miles away, I was getting it under control.
Then little sister decides that she wants control of the finances. To heck with the paperwork and our mother's care, she only wants the financial aspect and went so far as to threaten me with criminal action. I was given power of attorney by my mother and had spoken to the nursing home and knew what needed to be done. But little sister couldn't let it go. She was not in charge and she did not have control and began to tell my mother lies and by the time she had finished, she had her in a confused state and she had no idea of what was going on.
When I spoke to her, she began asking questions which I answered and advised that there was no criminal action going on but that I was in no position to hire an attorney to prove my innocence and couldn't she just tell my sister it was her wishes and to drop it. She said she tried but that my sister insisted I had done a wrong. Still not sure what it is but she seems to think so anyway.
But the real hurt came when my mother told me that I was to give up everything to my sister and that if she messed it up, it wouldn't be my problem and that I wouldn't be her problem any more. She never was a problem to me and never would be but due to my sister's actions, she has estranged our family so that my brother and I feel we have been shunned by our mother after we were the ones who came to her rescue when she called and now she is condemning us for that action.
They talk about strangers abusing and taking advantage of the elderly and the weak but when it is a family member, it is an unspeakable crime. And in this case, a very disheartening and hurtful one since it has severed relations with my mother for my brother and myself due to our younger sister's temper tantrum and her need to get a hold of our mother's finances. Be damned what our mother wanted or said, be damned if she is taken care of or not, as long as she has the money in her hand, then she is one happy woman.
So after almost 68 years I feel I have lost my mother, even though she is still living, she is not there for me and never will be from now on. It does hurt and how a mother can choose one sibling over another, I do not know. How a mother can allow one sibling to intimidate her as well as the rest of the family, I do not know but it has happened and nothing I can do about it.
The best thing of all of this is the closeness that has brought my family together. My daughters and my grandchildren are here for me and supporting me and letting me know that I am loved and am not alone. I feel I have been a good mother for my children to understand that I love them each individually but also together as a family. I do not have favorites nor will I have favorites. I love my two daughters equally as I love my four grandchildren equally. I would never pit one against the other and even allow it to be done and for that reason, my children respect and honor me as I respect and honor them.
My brother and I still have a relationship and we both feel that we are the survivors now and will only have each other and our families and he is as hurt as I am. But when greed takes over the heart, love and caring goes away and that is exactly what has happened in my family. It is broken and can never be repaired.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Year Ago Today
It doesn't seem like it was a year ago today that my beloved husband of over 48 years passed away. It was sudden and yet we knew his time was short but then we are never prepared to lose a loved one at any time. His illness was to much and he grew weaker each day as the treatments battled the cancer cells but were not enough to fight them all and in the end they won the battle which was hard fought.
He went peacefully in his sleep but I feel the loss more deeply as I never got to say good bye. I was close, just in the other room. The days following that awful night were a daze for me. I went through all the motions, spoke with family and friends and remembered but it was if I was somewhere else, that it wasn't real and I would either wake up from a bad dream or would go home to find him still there.
I'm not sure when that feeling went away and think it must have been gradual as I moved from a sense of the unreal to reality again. It may have been the night that I knew I was having a heart attack and my blood pressure went sky high. My daughter rushed me to the emergency room and after being checked out, they said it was the stress and anxiety. It was a month to the day that I relived that day and lost myself in my own misery. With a change in medication for my blood pressure and meds to help bring it down and calm me at the same time, I began to notice a change. I was feeling again. I realized the tears had been shed that night but then they were dry and now they fall freely when I think about him or a memory arises that brings them.
We had so many plans for the years ahead. Plans that we would do together, but now those plans are all gone, the dreams of the happy times and celebrations are all put away in the back of my mind and in my heart knowing that we will not be together to make those celebrations we looked forward too. The biggest was going to be our 50th wedding anniversary which would have occured November 11, 2011 or as we told everyone, 11-11-11.
It is odd at times as I may be going somewhere or doing something and I will look at the clock, almost as if I've been directed to look and the time will be 11:11. As I sat down to write this, the clock showed 11:11. I feel during those times that he is with me, guiding me or directing me. I just wish I could hear his voice one more time or see his face.
A few weeks ago, I was working at the computer when I smelled a familiar smell. I got up and walked out into the living room and looked around and then to the dining and kitchen. I ended up walking from room to room, all the while I could smell that odor, the one that was his. It was the same as when he was right out of the shower and had shaved. I have had the experience several times since then and feel he was here with me in some capactiy. It was during the holidays so it was possible he was letting me know he was here with us.
Tonight, my daughter and I were out to turn on the water to her trailer as she had some frozen pipes the other day and we had the water turned off. I told her that I knew her dad would be with us and that he would make sure she had no busted pipes and that everything would be all right. There were no busted pipes and everything was fine except for at the spigot where the y we had put in had cracked. She put on a sprayer to stop it but it was broken so we used another and I'm sure he was standing there laughing at us for our temporary pipe fitting but at the same time, I think he gave us the idea to use the sprayer to block off that side.
Later she reminded me that it was a year ago that she had got the water hooked up to her trailer in the first place.
They say time heals the hurt but I'm not sure that is exactly true. We may go on with our lives and do our daily routines, visit with friends and family but when alone, the thoughts seem to flow back to that time and the times before when he was here and laughed and talked and was a part of my life. The pain is still there and I think it always will be.
I know he is at peace and he is in no pain but it doesn't lessen the feeling of losing him. I miss him so much sometimes that I can do nothing but cry. The tears are for me, I know, as I feel that I've lost a part of me and I can't ever have it back. It is then that I feel selfish.
I have made an effort to think of the good times, the memories of the past and share them with my daughters and good friends. I talk to him every day and ask him to show me the way and help me with my decisions, just as I ask God to help me and guide me. My husband was the one who was always there for me, always taking care of me, always giving me love and I miss him and I miss all the things we shared together.
I know God has a plan for all of us and I do not question his plan and my husband was a part of his plan and when the time comes I know I will know what it is and I will see him again.
For now, I will lean on my faith to keep me strong and for God to guide me and help me through the dark hours.
In loving memory of my husband, Harold Daniel Foster, 1940-2010.
He went peacefully in his sleep but I feel the loss more deeply as I never got to say good bye. I was close, just in the other room. The days following that awful night were a daze for me. I went through all the motions, spoke with family and friends and remembered but it was if I was somewhere else, that it wasn't real and I would either wake up from a bad dream or would go home to find him still there.
I'm not sure when that feeling went away and think it must have been gradual as I moved from a sense of the unreal to reality again. It may have been the night that I knew I was having a heart attack and my blood pressure went sky high. My daughter rushed me to the emergency room and after being checked out, they said it was the stress and anxiety. It was a month to the day that I relived that day and lost myself in my own misery. With a change in medication for my blood pressure and meds to help bring it down and calm me at the same time, I began to notice a change. I was feeling again. I realized the tears had been shed that night but then they were dry and now they fall freely when I think about him or a memory arises that brings them.
We had so many plans for the years ahead. Plans that we would do together, but now those plans are all gone, the dreams of the happy times and celebrations are all put away in the back of my mind and in my heart knowing that we will not be together to make those celebrations we looked forward too. The biggest was going to be our 50th wedding anniversary which would have occured November 11, 2011 or as we told everyone, 11-11-11.
It is odd at times as I may be going somewhere or doing something and I will look at the clock, almost as if I've been directed to look and the time will be 11:11. As I sat down to write this, the clock showed 11:11. I feel during those times that he is with me, guiding me or directing me. I just wish I could hear his voice one more time or see his face.
A few weeks ago, I was working at the computer when I smelled a familiar smell. I got up and walked out into the living room and looked around and then to the dining and kitchen. I ended up walking from room to room, all the while I could smell that odor, the one that was his. It was the same as when he was right out of the shower and had shaved. I have had the experience several times since then and feel he was here with me in some capactiy. It was during the holidays so it was possible he was letting me know he was here with us.
Tonight, my daughter and I were out to turn on the water to her trailer as she had some frozen pipes the other day and we had the water turned off. I told her that I knew her dad would be with us and that he would make sure she had no busted pipes and that everything would be all right. There were no busted pipes and everything was fine except for at the spigot where the y we had put in had cracked. She put on a sprayer to stop it but it was broken so we used another and I'm sure he was standing there laughing at us for our temporary pipe fitting but at the same time, I think he gave us the idea to use the sprayer to block off that side.
Later she reminded me that it was a year ago that she had got the water hooked up to her trailer in the first place.
They say time heals the hurt but I'm not sure that is exactly true. We may go on with our lives and do our daily routines, visit with friends and family but when alone, the thoughts seem to flow back to that time and the times before when he was here and laughed and talked and was a part of my life. The pain is still there and I think it always will be.
I know he is at peace and he is in no pain but it doesn't lessen the feeling of losing him. I miss him so much sometimes that I can do nothing but cry. The tears are for me, I know, as I feel that I've lost a part of me and I can't ever have it back. It is then that I feel selfish.
I have made an effort to think of the good times, the memories of the past and share them with my daughters and good friends. I talk to him every day and ask him to show me the way and help me with my decisions, just as I ask God to help me and guide me. My husband was the one who was always there for me, always taking care of me, always giving me love and I miss him and I miss all the things we shared together.
I know God has a plan for all of us and I do not question his plan and my husband was a part of his plan and when the time comes I know I will know what it is and I will see him again.
For now, I will lean on my faith to keep me strong and for God to guide me and help me through the dark hours.
In loving memory of my husband, Harold Daniel Foster, 1940-2010.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Just When You Think.....
Just when you think things are going right in your life, the old one, two punch comes up and hits you right between the eyes.
How many times can a person pick themselves up and move on? The times we live in right now seem like a bad horror movie and each day brings a new way of punishing those who are trying to make their way to the top of the snake pit we all seem to be living in.
Almost two years ago my daughter's world began collapsing around her. Strong and determined, she held on for all her might. She knew her "good" job was going away and began to prepare as much as she could but as the time neared for it to end, she knew she was facing a tremendous wall, an almost unsurmountable wall but she was not going to give up.
As the job ended and a new job search began, she was seeing a picture that was not as hopeful as she had hoped and she clung on as long as possible until she had to sell off her personal belongings and then without any recourse, she had to file bankruptcy and lose the house that she had worked so hard to obtain and meant so much to her.
So there she was, without her belongings and no home. What was she to do? As parents, we all know we will do all we can for our children and we offered her a place to stay with us until she could get back on her feet. We discussed the options and came up with a solution of buying a trailer to set up next to our house and she would be able to live there until she could get a job.
At the same time we were discussing this and she was in the process of losing her home, we also found out that my husband, her father, received word that his cancer had returned with a vengence. She said she would be here to help us and we were here to help her but it was still a tension filled time when we all walked around in a daze wondering what was going to happen next.
Then came the day, a year ago tomorrow, January 14, 2010, when my husband passed away. My daughter was here with us and with me and helped me through those days that followed when I was in the darkest hour and yet she was being strong for me and was in as much pain as I was. We clung to each other during that time.
But when spring came, a part time job opportunity arrived and she took it until she found a full time position. She was so excited and so was I. Things were going well and she liked her new job and she was making plans.
The trailer life is not the best of living conditions and that first winter brought more woes than we were prepared for. Water lines freezing or bursting, finding that she couldn't afford to heat with the propane so had to zone heat with portable heaters. Over the summer we corrected the water line issue and had hoped this winter might not be a problem as last year and we had been fortunate until a blast of arctic air arrived and kept us below freezing for several days. Having water in the morning and then finding that it wasn't there that evening was a shock. But realizing that only part of the lines were frozen she turned off the water entirely and we hope that during the thaw in the next few days that no pipes have burst.
She was planning on how she could save and perhaps next fall find a small house to rent. She was also thinking of replacing her car with a more fuel efficient one. She was excited and so was I as things were going good.
But today that one, two punch reared up its ugly head and knocked her down again. This time Corporate intervention cutting jobs and perhaps hours without any warning. Just popping in and boom it was over in a matter of minutes. The long time director who had put in over 30 years and spent long days was gone in an instant, no warning, no announcements, no chance of being moved to another location. Now employees wonder who is next as Corporate seems to think the electronic age will be the answer and everything can be done on computers.
What will they do when the computers go down and the work can't get done? What will they do when there is no one to take care of them? Will they be replaced one day with a computer? They don't think, they act and then ask why employees have no loyalty. Why should they? When management has no loyalty to their employees or cares what happens to them, they become part of the greedy. They look at the big bucks. But what happens if those bucks disappear due to the lack of service? The computer cannot be a customer service representative, nor can a computer fill the need of a human being in assisting someone with a problem. So what happens? The consumer goes to where he can find that human connection.
Have we evolved to a point that we are eliminating that human connection? Is it okay for someone to work hard and be dependable and give their all only to be eliminated because someone who has no feelings and wants to see more $$ signs on the bottom line.
I wonder just how much more my daughter can take. Right now, she doesn't know and may not know for several days if her position is safe or if her hours will be cut or maybe her position will be eliminated. That waiting is almost as bad as that one, two punch that ends it in a second.
I wonder just how much any of us can take the abuse and the lifestyle changes that are being forced on us every single day.
I admire my daughter. She is a strong young woman but I know there is a breaking point somewhere. We all have it and she has had her share of bad luck, if you want to call it that, or the bad times caused by the upper echelon wanting to see those dollar signs. When we put money ahead of humans, we are a lost society.
Just when you think you have made it, watch out. That one, two punch is there ready to strike again. It is time to put on the punching gloves and fight back and there is only one way to do that. We have to cut those dollar signs for every one who sees them as their first priority. We have to break them before we can get up and start all over.
How many times can a person pick themselves up and move on? The times we live in right now seem like a bad horror movie and each day brings a new way of punishing those who are trying to make their way to the top of the snake pit we all seem to be living in.
Almost two years ago my daughter's world began collapsing around her. Strong and determined, she held on for all her might. She knew her "good" job was going away and began to prepare as much as she could but as the time neared for it to end, she knew she was facing a tremendous wall, an almost unsurmountable wall but she was not going to give up.
As the job ended and a new job search began, she was seeing a picture that was not as hopeful as she had hoped and she clung on as long as possible until she had to sell off her personal belongings and then without any recourse, she had to file bankruptcy and lose the house that she had worked so hard to obtain and meant so much to her.
So there she was, without her belongings and no home. What was she to do? As parents, we all know we will do all we can for our children and we offered her a place to stay with us until she could get back on her feet. We discussed the options and came up with a solution of buying a trailer to set up next to our house and she would be able to live there until she could get a job.
At the same time we were discussing this and she was in the process of losing her home, we also found out that my husband, her father, received word that his cancer had returned with a vengence. She said she would be here to help us and we were here to help her but it was still a tension filled time when we all walked around in a daze wondering what was going to happen next.
Then came the day, a year ago tomorrow, January 14, 2010, when my husband passed away. My daughter was here with us and with me and helped me through those days that followed when I was in the darkest hour and yet she was being strong for me and was in as much pain as I was. We clung to each other during that time.
But when spring came, a part time job opportunity arrived and she took it until she found a full time position. She was so excited and so was I. Things were going well and she liked her new job and she was making plans.
The trailer life is not the best of living conditions and that first winter brought more woes than we were prepared for. Water lines freezing or bursting, finding that she couldn't afford to heat with the propane so had to zone heat with portable heaters. Over the summer we corrected the water line issue and had hoped this winter might not be a problem as last year and we had been fortunate until a blast of arctic air arrived and kept us below freezing for several days. Having water in the morning and then finding that it wasn't there that evening was a shock. But realizing that only part of the lines were frozen she turned off the water entirely and we hope that during the thaw in the next few days that no pipes have burst.
She was planning on how she could save and perhaps next fall find a small house to rent. She was also thinking of replacing her car with a more fuel efficient one. She was excited and so was I as things were going good.
But today that one, two punch reared up its ugly head and knocked her down again. This time Corporate intervention cutting jobs and perhaps hours without any warning. Just popping in and boom it was over in a matter of minutes. The long time director who had put in over 30 years and spent long days was gone in an instant, no warning, no announcements, no chance of being moved to another location. Now employees wonder who is next as Corporate seems to think the electronic age will be the answer and everything can be done on computers.
What will they do when the computers go down and the work can't get done? What will they do when there is no one to take care of them? Will they be replaced one day with a computer? They don't think, they act and then ask why employees have no loyalty. Why should they? When management has no loyalty to their employees or cares what happens to them, they become part of the greedy. They look at the big bucks. But what happens if those bucks disappear due to the lack of service? The computer cannot be a customer service representative, nor can a computer fill the need of a human being in assisting someone with a problem. So what happens? The consumer goes to where he can find that human connection.
Have we evolved to a point that we are eliminating that human connection? Is it okay for someone to work hard and be dependable and give their all only to be eliminated because someone who has no feelings and wants to see more $$ signs on the bottom line.
I wonder just how much more my daughter can take. Right now, she doesn't know and may not know for several days if her position is safe or if her hours will be cut or maybe her position will be eliminated. That waiting is almost as bad as that one, two punch that ends it in a second.
I wonder just how much any of us can take the abuse and the lifestyle changes that are being forced on us every single day.
I admire my daughter. She is a strong young woman but I know there is a breaking point somewhere. We all have it and she has had her share of bad luck, if you want to call it that, or the bad times caused by the upper echelon wanting to see those dollar signs. When we put money ahead of humans, we are a lost society.
Just when you think you have made it, watch out. That one, two punch is there ready to strike again. It is time to put on the punching gloves and fight back and there is only one way to do that. We have to cut those dollar signs for every one who sees them as their first priority. We have to break them before we can get up and start all over.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
A New Year
The new year has arrived and it has been a hectic one for me so far. My daughter and I spent New Year's Eve with our good friends next door. It was a quiet celebration but we did have good conversation and a lot of laughs.
New Year's day brought out the suitcases and I did manage to get my Christmas tree down. But I had to pack as we left on Sunday, Jan. 2 for our all day trip to southwest Iowa to see my mother. We arrived that evening not knowing what we might find and were shocked to discover how weak she was and the condition of the apartment. Her so called cleaning/helper hadn't been there since before Christmas and then I don't think she had done a thing.
The floors were dirty and the stove was dirty as well as the countertops. Since my mom's fall she had been afraid she might fall again and was actually afraid to cook for herself so had been surviving on cottage cheese, yogurt and toast. She was getting one meal a day from Meals on Wheels, however, they don't come on weekends and took off on Christmas eve as well as New Year's eve. No one from Public Health bothered to check on her and they all knew her helper was on vacation but didn't send anyone out. They also knew she had fallen and needed help but again didn't bother to send anyone.
My daughter and I got some food and fixed a decent meal for her, cleaned up the kitchen and visited with her until we went back to the motel.
Monday morning, we went back to her apartment to start the process of sorting and packing her things. My brother arrived around noon and we had a visit mid morning from the Social Worker and Director of Nursing to make the arrangements to admit my mother into the nursing home. Later that day, we were able to get her dressed and out to my nieces van for a trip to the bank and the optometrist to have her glasses repaired. It was a hard trip for her as she was so weak so she rested after we returned and we all worked together packing and sorting. We had a good meal that night and worked until almost 9 PM before going back to the motel.
We were to take her on Tuesday morning but she wasn't ready and it was just as well as I had to go see an attorney to get the Power of Attorney. In the meantime, my brother, niece and daughter were still packing. There was so much to sort through and divide up between my sister and brother and myself. It is amazing how we don't notice all the little things until we have to sort them out and how much a person can accumulate until it needs to be packed or discarded.
We were able to get her settled into the nursing home on Tuesday afternoon and spent more time than we intended due to paper work and making sure she was settled in good. We got something to eat and headed back to finish our work.
It was almost 11 PM when we called it a night. My daughter's car was packed as full as we could get it and still have room for our suitcases and us. We visited a while with my brother and niece and then called it a night.
Wednesday, Jan. 5: We stopped by the nursing home to see my mom and put up some pictures for her and then we started our long trip home. I hated to leave so soon but my daughter had to get back to work. We had a late start but decided not to make as many stops and she held the speed limit. We were fortunate also that we didn't have a lot of construction zones and were able to breeze through Kansas City as hit it during an off time so traffic wasn't so heavy. It still took us over 8 1/2 hours and we were tired but glad to be home.
We got the car unloaded the next evening and spent the past weekend going through the things we brought home. My daughter was having a ball going through all the old pictures and I had brought back all my mother's crochet books and yarn since she can no longer see to crochet and I'm the only one in the family besides my younger daughter who crochets.
By Sunday, I could feel the effects of being in the colder weather we experienced in Iowa and that night the cough began as well as the stuffy nose and I've been fighting the crud ever since. We got our first blast of winter on Sunday as well. Only an inch of snow but had freezing drizzle too which made it worse. My daughter and grandson weren't able to get to work yesterday as most of our area was shut down due to the road conditions. However, she was going in today.
So as this new year begins, there were some big changes. My mother is settling into her new home and is getting stronger and knows she has someone with her now. She actually accepted this life style change better than I thought so I hope she will continue to be happy there.
I've been going through and getting her personal affairs in order and my brother and nephew will be making one more trip to Iowa to clear out her apartment and clean it before the end of the month.
I just hope this blast of winter that hit us will be the last but if not, then hope we don't have any really bad stuff. I do not like the cold but I hate the snow and ice even worse.
But I am going to look on 2011 with new hope and confidence that it will be a better year for all of us.
New Year's day brought out the suitcases and I did manage to get my Christmas tree down. But I had to pack as we left on Sunday, Jan. 2 for our all day trip to southwest Iowa to see my mother. We arrived that evening not knowing what we might find and were shocked to discover how weak she was and the condition of the apartment. Her so called cleaning/helper hadn't been there since before Christmas and then I don't think she had done a thing.
The floors were dirty and the stove was dirty as well as the countertops. Since my mom's fall she had been afraid she might fall again and was actually afraid to cook for herself so had been surviving on cottage cheese, yogurt and toast. She was getting one meal a day from Meals on Wheels, however, they don't come on weekends and took off on Christmas eve as well as New Year's eve. No one from Public Health bothered to check on her and they all knew her helper was on vacation but didn't send anyone out. They also knew she had fallen and needed help but again didn't bother to send anyone.
My daughter and I got some food and fixed a decent meal for her, cleaned up the kitchen and visited with her until we went back to the motel.
Monday morning, we went back to her apartment to start the process of sorting and packing her things. My brother arrived around noon and we had a visit mid morning from the Social Worker and Director of Nursing to make the arrangements to admit my mother into the nursing home. Later that day, we were able to get her dressed and out to my nieces van for a trip to the bank and the optometrist to have her glasses repaired. It was a hard trip for her as she was so weak so she rested after we returned and we all worked together packing and sorting. We had a good meal that night and worked until almost 9 PM before going back to the motel.
We were to take her on Tuesday morning but she wasn't ready and it was just as well as I had to go see an attorney to get the Power of Attorney. In the meantime, my brother, niece and daughter were still packing. There was so much to sort through and divide up between my sister and brother and myself. It is amazing how we don't notice all the little things until we have to sort them out and how much a person can accumulate until it needs to be packed or discarded.
We were able to get her settled into the nursing home on Tuesday afternoon and spent more time than we intended due to paper work and making sure she was settled in good. We got something to eat and headed back to finish our work.
It was almost 11 PM when we called it a night. My daughter's car was packed as full as we could get it and still have room for our suitcases and us. We visited a while with my brother and niece and then called it a night.
Wednesday, Jan. 5: We stopped by the nursing home to see my mom and put up some pictures for her and then we started our long trip home. I hated to leave so soon but my daughter had to get back to work. We had a late start but decided not to make as many stops and she held the speed limit. We were fortunate also that we didn't have a lot of construction zones and were able to breeze through Kansas City as hit it during an off time so traffic wasn't so heavy. It still took us over 8 1/2 hours and we were tired but glad to be home.
We got the car unloaded the next evening and spent the past weekend going through the things we brought home. My daughter was having a ball going through all the old pictures and I had brought back all my mother's crochet books and yarn since she can no longer see to crochet and I'm the only one in the family besides my younger daughter who crochets.
By Sunday, I could feel the effects of being in the colder weather we experienced in Iowa and that night the cough began as well as the stuffy nose and I've been fighting the crud ever since. We got our first blast of winter on Sunday as well. Only an inch of snow but had freezing drizzle too which made it worse. My daughter and grandson weren't able to get to work yesterday as most of our area was shut down due to the road conditions. However, she was going in today.
So as this new year begins, there were some big changes. My mother is settling into her new home and is getting stronger and knows she has someone with her now. She actually accepted this life style change better than I thought so I hope she will continue to be happy there.
I've been going through and getting her personal affairs in order and my brother and nephew will be making one more trip to Iowa to clear out her apartment and clean it before the end of the month.
I just hope this blast of winter that hit us will be the last but if not, then hope we don't have any really bad stuff. I do not like the cold but I hate the snow and ice even worse.
But I am going to look on 2011 with new hope and confidence that it will be a better year for all of us.
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