Indecision = Decision

As I have posted here before, I've wrestled with the decision as to sell my home and downsize to a smaller space like an apartment. I even made the commitment even though my heart wasn't in it, but I was going to go through my things and sort out what had to go, maybe not what I wanted to go, but what had to go.  I have worked a little bit on it but I can tell you that it was hard for me to go into a room and look around to see what I had to get rid of.  So I have just kept putting it off even though I knew I would eventually have to take the bull by the horns, as they say, and just do it.

But then something happened that made me do a double take and really look at my decision and the proposition that was being offered.  I could stay here and I would have someone with me to help me with the things I can no longer do.  Not only that but I would be helping them in return.  It is a win/win situation for all of us.

My youngest daughter, Michele asked if I would consider having her and my three grandchildren move in with me.  She is renting a place but as with most rentals on limited income, it isn't the best and she loves to do yard work and plant flowers and she loves to cook but right now she doesn't even have a working oven and the landlord isn't to ambitious about fixing it.

So after thinking about it and discussing it with a good friend of mine and even mentioning it to my oldest daughter, I have decided to accept her offer and when they are here at Thanksgiving, we will be discussing how we will fit everyone in here.  Basically I have 3 bedrooms but there is another room that we have used as a bedroom so we will have the 4 bedrooms we need.   It will not only help me but I'll be helping her as well and it will be nice to have the family close together again.

As she said, they can help with the mowing and upkeep of the yard since my allergies always act up even when I wear my mask.  And I know she will be more than happy if she has a place to plant flowers and take care of them.  She has a green thumb and can make anything grow.  I know she is excited about the prospect and so are the grandkids as she said they are already telling their friends that they will be moving to Oklahoma to live with their Mamma and help her. 

And the grandchildren are old enough to be little helpers as well.  Brianna will be 16 next March, Hailey just turned 14 in July and Matthew will be 12 in April.

It will be nice to have them here with me and to be able to enjoy the grandkids and be a part of their lives as both girls are in band right now and hope to join when they move here.  Matthew is in scouts so will be looking for a troupe here. 

So I guess my indecision and reluctance to start going through my things had a hidden reason.  I still have to move some things to storage but that is fine.  So again, I've made a decision and if all goes well then they will be living here either by mid year for them or we may have to wait until school is out in May.  It will depend on the weather and she has some things to take care of.

September

Here it is mid September already.  Time is slipping by to fast.  It doesn't seem that long ago I was writing about the cold and winter and then spring and the hot summer and now we are headed into fall.  I've weathered the cold, the extreme heat and drought and now can enjoy a few weeks of fall before gripping about the cold of winter.

I'm disappointed again this year that we won't have the color for fall.  With the drought, it has hurt the trees so bad that most have turned brown or are losing their leaves early.  I hope that isn't a sign of what is to come and that winter will be nasty.

All my pretty spring flowers finally gave it up during the 100+ days we had for weeks on end.  No amount of watering could keep them alive as the heat just dried them up or wilted them so they lost their ability to live.  I tried so hard but only a couple of very hardy ones survived and only because they were in a very protected area where they got no sun or very little and escaped being exposed to the hot winds and heat. 

The yard suffered as well and looking at it from a distance, it doesn't look bad but up close it is really sad.  Most of the grass is dead and the green that is showing is weeds and wild grass and is clumpy so there is a lot of bare ground when you look at it up close.  The moles are having a hey day! 

The outdoor kitties spent most of their days in the car port lying under or near the car as the cement floor was the coolest spot for them.  I would go out several times a day to give them fresh water and water down an area of grass and dirt which brought them out to lay on until it dried up.  The water cooled earth felt good to them but didn't last long enough but for a few minutes I would have a cat garden.

I don't want to rush the time or the seasons but I really am looking forward to Thanksgiving this year.  If all goes well, I hope to have all the family together to celebrate.

And I have made up my mind, not what I want to do but it is what I have to do, I will be putting the place up for sale next spring.  So between now and then, I've got to go through things and decided what I absolutely want and can keep and the rest will go in a huge yard sale or be given to the girls and grandkids.  I know I have to downsize so a lot of mementos will be going.

I think this last summer really made up my mind.  It is hard to keep up the place and with the heat I was forced to stay inside most of the time and even now it takes me two to three days to mow and trim the large yard.  There are a few other things that need to be done and I'm just not able to get them done.  I think this has been the hardest decision I've had to make since Harold passed away.  This was to be our last home where we could spend our retirement years but things have changed and so I'll give it up but I'm also giving up some of my independence and I think that is the hardest thing of all.

I'll be at the mercy of a landlord whether it is an apartment or small house and it really won't be mine but just a place to hang my hat and it is hard for me to accept that.   True I won't have the worry of repairs or yard work but at the same time, it will be a very confined life for me and it will be a big adjustment.  However, I do plan to stay in this area as I do have friends here and I have the necessities so as long as I can live on my own, this will be home base.  

It has been the hardest decision I've had to make and I'm sure it is really going to hit home when it comes down to the day I have to leave here.  I'm not one that likes change that much and especially one like this.  I feel I'm not only giving up my home but so many of the things I love and cherish.  True I probably have more trinkets and gadgets than I need but they are a part of my life and hard to part with.    Like I don't need two complete pan sets when I barely use over one or two pans at the most or a cupboard full of mixing and serving bowls.  I've just always had them so it just seems natural to keep them but they will have to be thinned out.  All the books, except for a few favorites will have to go and as my oldest daughter keeps reminding me, I've got to get rid of most of my Christmas and other holiday decorations.   I can understand that but I've been gathering these things for years and now I have to choose what to keep and what to get rid of.  And for all who know me, I don't spare anything when it comes to decorating for the holidays.  I could just about open my own store with all the decorations and flowers and wreaths I have.  But I use them all right now so will have to pick favorites again and that will be hard.

For now, I'm just going to enjoy the Fall, hoping winter will hold off and when it does come, that it will be kind and mild.  

Happy September everyone.