Four years ago yesterday I lost my true love, my soul mate and my friend and husband and four years ago today I embarked on a lonely path. One without my protector and caregiver. I would face challenges that I never thought of and remembered the promise that I made to him that I could take care of myself. But there have been times when I've doubted my ability to do so and I miss his guidance and him being here to help through those times.
We had over 47 years together, often working side by side but even if we were apart, the time we spent together we worked on projects together. It was like we were a team and one needed the other to complete it. Oh, we had our disagreements but somehow we always managed to work them out and be there to support one another.
Support we did. No matter what it was, we always supported the other in any endeavor and made sure they could do their best.
For a while I could feel his presence and I still do at times, but then there are the times when I am alone and I am struggling with something and I know he is watching over me and guiding me. I may not hear his voice or see his face or feel his hand take mine but I know he is with me and always will be a part of me.
The biggest blessing I have had during this lonely path has been having my daughters and my grandchildren close to me. To be able to talk with them and for us to remember the happy times gets us all through this dark time when our beloved husband and father is away from us. His time was too short and he was taken too soon from us but he will always live in our hearts.
Taking this lonely path has made me stronger in one way as I have had to make decisions on my own but I always ask myself what he would do before I make that decision. Maybe being so close and almost knowing what each other would say or do, I can make the decision knowing it would be one that we both would have made together.
The worst part of this lonely path is not being able to just talk to him, to ask him if I'm doing it right. I get support from my daughters but it isn't quite the same. I relied on Harold, he was my rock and now that rock is gone.
It is hard to listen to a song that I knew he liked or watch a movie he liked or even go to places he liked to go too. Not because I am trying to forget but they only bring pain now knowing he isn't here with me to enjoy it too. I know he didn't want to leave anymore than we wanted to lose him but I don't think he will ever be far from my thoughts or my heart.
So I travel down the lonely path knowing that one day we will be together again and that I do have the love and caring of my family near me to help me through these dark moments.
In Loving Memory
Harold Foster
1940 - 2010
