A Christmas Angel

By

Barbara Foster

            It was a cold blustery day but Carolyn pulled the collar of her coat tighter around her with one gloved hand while the other rang the bell incessantly.  She never thought she would be standing on the street ringing the bell to collect money but here she was and she was grateful. 

            She knew that her children were in a warm safe place and that they would have a hot meal.  It was part of her deal with the organization that helped those who needed it. 

            She’d never been a church goer but she did believe in a higher spirit and now she prayed every day that something would come along to help her.  When the cold hit, she had no choice but to go inside the building with the big red sign and shield welcoming all who entered.  The Salvation Army was her salvation for the moment.

            She knew she couldn’t stay there forever but perhaps until this cold spell was over and then they could move on until she found a job and a place to live.  They only had a few meager belongings, a change of clothes and a hair brush, the children’s tooth brushes and a family photo.

            After fourteen years of marriage to the most wonderful man who loved and adored his family and made sure they were well cared for, her world came to an end when she opened the door one day to see a police officer and a chaplain.  She remembered standing there staring at them and holding onto the door to steady herself as she felt her legs would crumble.

            Hearing the news that her beloved husband had been killed in a car accident sent Carolyn into a tale spin.  She thanked them for coming and closed the door, leaning against it.  The words echoed in her mind but she still couldn’t come to the realization that James was gone and would not be coming home for dinner.

            Her thoughts raced towards what she would tell the children.  She had to call his parents.  What would she say to them?  “Oh James, why you?  Why did you have to die?”  Suddenly the tears began to fall and she slid down to sit on the floor and sobbed until her body couldn’t take any more.

            Standing up, she sniffled and wiped her face with her hand as she went to the bathroom to splash water on her face.  Looking into the mirror, the reflection wasn’t her, the face all red and eyes swollen until they were squinty lines.  She felt the tears coming again and straightened herself up.  “Carolyn, stop it.  You have to call and you have to be strong.”

            The next few days were like a haze.  Carolyn went through the motions of every day tasks but her mind was blank and she felt numb all over.  The family was gathered and there were times when she wanted to scream and hoped she would wake up from the nightmare.  But it wasn’t a dream, it was real.  James was gone and now she had to figure out how to take care of her children, Bethany who was ten and Jimmy who was eight.  She hadn’t worked since before her marriage and now with the children, how would she be able to support them.

            James parent’s told her they would help anyway they could but she knew that they didn’t have the finances to support them.  Perhaps they could help with watching the children.

            A lady stopped to drop coins into the bucket and Carolyn smiled, “Thank you and God bless you.”  She had done the same thing in the past, in her hurry to go inside a store or on the way out, she would search and drop in a few coins or maybe a dollar or two if she had it and felt generous.  Now, she was ashamed of her selfishness.  She hadn’t thought about the person ringing the bell or what it represented.  It was an automatic reflex.  

            She pondered the donors who had dropped money into the bucket and wondered if they felt as she had.  She hoped they never had to go through the nightmare she did.

            When she entered the building that day, she was embarrassed.  She had never had to ask strangers to help her before, but Sister Jane had been friendly and told her, “Come sit down.  Tell me what we can do for you?”

            It wasn’t what she wanted, but what they could do for her.  She had felt the sting of tears as they welled up but she pull herself upright and told Sister Jane that she and her children were homeless and that she didn’t have a job and she would like to make sure the children got a meal.

“I can pay a little but not much,” she had told her.

            Sister Jane smiled, “We don’t expect pay.”

            “But I don’t want to impose and take away from anyone else,” Carolyn told her.

            “If you really want to help, there is a way.  Perhaps you could volunteer and help around here.  That way you could stay here and the children will be looked after.”

            There was no pay, but the prospect of a warm place and food for her and the children was more than she had hoped for.   “Yes, I would be willing to help anyway I can.  I could help with the cooking or washing dishes or sweeping or….”

            Sister Jane smiled, “That won’t be necessary.  Now, we might call on you to help serve but we have someone who cooks and we have plenty of dishwashers,” she said with a laugh.  “But there is one place we do need volunteers and I will understand if you don’t want to do it.  But we need bell ringers.”

            Carolyn looked at her.  “What do I have to do?”  She had seen the bell ringers all around town and wondered if that is all they did, was stand there and ring those bells.

            “I’m sure you are familiar with the bell ringers.  They stand near a store ringing the bell and collecting money.  The money helps us with the food and bills here so we can help those in need.  It isn’t exciting and can be cold and tiring but sometimes there are rewards for our service to the Lord.”

            Carolyn looked at the children.  “But what about Bethany and Jimmy?”

            “They can stay here.  We have things to occupy them and perhaps they can help out with a few things.”  She looked at the children.

            So here she was standing outside a discount store ringing the bell and trying to stave off the cold.  She had smiled and thanked everyone and remembered to bless them.  Sister Jane told her that was the only thing she really had to do.  For those who put in a large donation, she made sure they knew how much it was appreciated as her voice was more jubilant.  She noticed several people blessed her in return and she wondered why she had never acknowledged the bell ringers.

            Again she felt ashamed of the way she had acted in the past.  She had been selfish thinking only of herself and her family.  She hadn’t thought about those who didn’t have nice warm homes or anything to eat.   And the loneliness.  She hadn’t ever thought about them being lonely, but she did now as she experienced it.  True she had the children, but she was their mother, their protector.  She missed talking to James or the family.  She was alone with her children.

            She had sold the home but after all the expenses; she only received a few hundred dollars.  James father asked about life insurance, but she hadn’t found anything going through the papers in the desk.   They stayed with the Baker’s for a few weeks, but she could tell it was a strain on them and so she told them, “I’m going to find a job and we will get our own place.”  Mother Baker as Carolyn called her said, “You know you are welcome here for as long as you need.”  But Carolyn didn’t think she was that sincere.  It was a gesture.  After all she was their daughter-in-law and the children were their grandchildren, but it still wasn’t home.

            Pappa Baker, James father, told her, “I can’t imagine James not having insurance.  Are you sure you checked everywhere?”

            She told him she had and that even the car insurance company basically only paid off on the car and she had given that money to the funeral home.  There had been some money collected to help the family from his co-workers and friends but again it went to the funeral home so there wasn’t anything left for her and the children.

            Carolyn’s life had changed in that one instant she opened the door and heard those fatal words and she was struggling to try to get some sort of life back for her and the children, but everywhere she turned, it was a closed door.

            She had a job at a local fast food drive-in and they had a little two room apartment above a store front.  The children were in school and it was tight but they were surviving.  Then she lost her job and they had to move out of the apartment.  There was no where to go.  She couldn’t go back to the Baker’s so they lived on the street.

            It wasn’t too bad during the warmer weather.  The hardest part was making sure the children had clean clothes to wear to school.  When summer came, they found a spot near the river where they set up camp.  Jimmy was thrilled but Bethany complained the whole time.  Carolyn hated leaving the campsite every day as she was afraid someone would take the few things they had but she couldn’t leave the children alone as she searched for work.

            But there were no jobs available and the little money she had was gone.  They foraged through the dumpsters.  The one behind the grocery was the best one as they would find vegetables that were old but still good enough to cook into a soup, and occasionally they were fortunate to get day old bread or rolls.  She wasn’t proud of what they were doing, it was survival.

            A familiar face appeared and Carolyn pulled the coat tighter hoping she wouldn’t be recognized.  It was a friend she hadn’t seen since the funeral.  But Judy recognized her.  “Carolyn?  Is that you?”

            Carolyn smiled, “Hello Judy.  How are you?”

            “I’m fine, but what about you?  What are you doing here?”  She looked at the woman she’d known for years and was shocked to see the thinness in her face and the dark circles under her eyes.  Gone was the perfect hairdo and makeup and the twinkling eyes.  She could only see despair and wondered if Carolyn was as needy as she looked.

            “I’m volunteering.  You know they are always looking for someone and I feel it is a good cause.”  How could she tell her she was only doing it in exchange for a warm place to sleep and food for her and the children?

            “Gosh, I haven’t seen you since….” She hesitated, “I mean, I wanted to call but you know how things are.”

            Carolyn managed a slight laugh, “Yes I know.  With working and taking care of the family, it seems like the days just fly by.”

            “Right,” said Judy.  “Well, I hope you and the children have a Merry Christmas.”  She walked into the store.

            Carolyn noticed she hadn’t put anything into the pot and wondered if she was like she had been only last year.  She looked at her watch.  She still had two hours to go.  She rang the bell and continued to thank those who did donate, even if it was change.  Every little bit would help.

            Carolyn was so cold.  Her feet felt numb from the coldness and her hands were cold even though she wore gloves.  She shivered and kept moving around to keep the circulation going.  It wouldn’t be much longer and someone would be here to relieve her.  She was looking forward to returning to the shelter to get warmed up and get a nice hot supper.

            A tall gentleman in a heavy parka which was pulled up so his face was mostly hidden stepped up to the bucket.  He took out his wallet and Carolyn couldn’t help but notice the $50 bill he folded and put in it.

            “Thank you sir and may God bless and keep you.”  Carolyn felt she needed to let him know just how grateful she really was.

            The man started to walk off and turned back, “Sister, I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas and that the New Year will be good to you.”

            Carolyn looked at the man seeing only the eyes looking at her.  She felt as if they were burning right through her and a warm feeling flowed through her body.  She didn’t feel the cold and for the first time in a long time, she felt a peace come over her.

            She started to say something but he had turned and disappeared.  She looked around but didn’t see him.

            She noticed a card lying on the ground and bent to pick it up.  She looked at the card which only had a number on it.  On the back it said, “Call this number and you will find what you have been looking for.”

            She looked at the card again.  There was no name or anything to identify it and she wondered where it had come from.  She remembered the man and again looked for him.  He must have gone into the store so she would watch for him and catch him when he came out.

            But Carolyn didn’t have a chance to see him again.  Her relief arrived and told her, “Go to the shelter and get warmed up.”

            She didn’t argue but would have liked to find the mysterious man who had so generously donated and to ask if he had dropped the card.

           

            Carolyn spent the evening with the children as they told her about the stories Sister Jane had read to them.  She felt ashamed that she hadn’t given her children the education of learning about religion or going to church.  They were so excited about the Bible stories and Jimmy told her, “Mom, I knew it was Jesus birthday, but man did they ever have to go through some bad times.  Kind of like us right now.”

            His words hit Carolyn as if someone had knocked her down.   Maybe it had been her pride or self pity, but she realized she really hadn’t tried that hard to get a job and support the children and herself.  She’d been so reliant on James and maybe she thought everyone would take them in and care for them.  She could see the foolishness of her ways now and the vision of the strange man came into focus.  She pulled the card from her pocket.  Tomorrow she would call the number.

            That night as she slept, she dreamed.  James had appeared and told her, “Carolyn, I’m sorry I had to leave you and the children but I’m here with you.  I’ve been watching over you and I know you can do it.  I miss you all so much but I can’t be there to protect or care for you, so you need to call the number on the card.”  Carolyn woke up and looked around.  She sat up and looked again.  She laid back down and remembered the eyes she’d seen earlier.  They were James’s eyes staring at her. 

            She told herself it couldn’t be.  James was gone but she knew now that it was his eyes that had stared at her and gave her that warm feeling all over.  He’d told her in the dream to call the number.  Who was it she was to call?  Why did he appear as a ghost?  Carolyn tried to sleep but the thoughts of what was happening kept going through her mind.

            The next morning, after their showers and breakfast, Carolyn asked Sister Jane if there was a phone she could use.  She told her, “Someone gave me this card yesterday.  I have no idea of who it is.”

            Sister Jane looked at the card and the writing on the other side.  “I would say an angel has given you a gift.  You may use the phone at my desk.”

            Carolyn sat down and carefully dialed the numbers.  A woman’s voice answered the phone.  A-1 Insurance, this is Jill, how may I help you?”

            Carolyn wondered why the number would be to an insurance company.  She said, “This is Carolyn Baker and I found this card with a message written on it to call this number.”

            “Mrs. Baker, please hold on.  Mr. Ingram will want to talk with you.”

            Carolyn waited until a deep voice came on the line, “Mrs. Baker, this is David Ingram.  We have been looking for you.”

            “Looking for me?  Why?”  Carolyn hadn’t applied at an insurance agency while job searching.

            “It is in regards to a policy on your husband, James Baker.”

            “A policy on my husband.  I didn’t know he had any insurance.  We couldn’t find anything at the house.”

            “Would you be able to come to my office today?  I think we need to sit down and I can go over everything with you.”

            “Yes, I can come.”  She got the address and told Sister Jane about the call.

            Sister Jane told her, “Leave the children here.  I’m sure it will be easier to discuss business without worrying about them.”

            Carolyn thanked her and headed for the address she’d written down.  She walked in seeing a young woman at a desk.  “Hello, I’m Carolyn Baker and I was supposed to come talk to Mr. Ingram.”

            “Yes, I’m Jill.  I talked with you earlier.  Wait just a minute and I’ll tell him you are here.”            She returned and told Carolyn, “Go right in.”

            Carolyn went into an office just off the entry way.  A middle aged man sat behind the desk.  He looked up, “Mrs. Baker, have a seat.  I think I have something that will help you a great deal.”

            Carolyn sat down still not sure what he was going to tell her.  They had looked all through the papers but found no policy so she had no idea what this could be about.  “I’m not sure you have the right Mrs. Baker.  I never found an insurance policy after my husband’s death.”

            “You are Mrs. James Baker, who lives at 319 Hickory.”

            “We used to live there but I had to sell the house.”  She couldn’t tell him she was homeless now.

            “That explains it.  We had sent a letter but it was returned.  Jill happened to see the obituary of your husband and recognized the name.  We searched the files and found the policy your husband took out a few years ago.  I had a call from a Mr. Duane Baker who said he was your husband’s father but he had no idea of where you were.  He was checking with all the agencies on a policy and I told him we did have one, but I couldn’t give him any details but that I needed to speak with you.”

            Carolyn thought this must have happened after she left the Baker’s.  “We stayed with my husband’s family for awhile but then I got a job and we moved out.”

            “Okay, that explains it.  He said he didn’t know where you were living now.”

            “What kind of policy did my husband have?”

            “It was a whole life policy and you were the beneficiary.  That is why I couldn’t give out any information to anyone but you.  How did you find us?”

            Carolyn was at a loss.  “It is a strange story, but someone gave me a card with this number and said I was to call.”

            David looked at her and smiled, “Well, I don’t know who it was but I’m glad they found you.”

            Carolyn felt that warm feeling again as a vision of the hooded man stood in front of her with those piercing eyes.  How could she tell him that she had been visited by the ghost of her dead husband?  It was ridiculous and she really didn’t believe it but then again there was no explanation.

            When Carolyn walked out of the insurance office, she felt like she needed to pinch herself.  Never had she dreamed that anything would make things right again, but Mr. Ingram had given her a check.  She looked at the check.  James had a $50,000 life insurance policy but was double indemnity if his death was by accident, so she had $100,000.

            Was she still dreaming?  Was it James who had come by yesterday and dropped the card for her to find?  This couldn’t be real.  She began walking towards the shelter.  She knew once she was there, she would wake up and realize this was all a dream.

            She was already thinking of getting new clothes for the children and herself and even some Christmas gifts.  She had a lighter step until she neared the shelter.  She stopped and looked at the building seeing the men and women who were going inside or coming out.  She felt the check in her pocket and knew that she couldn’t just go shopping. 

            The money was for a new start for the children and herself.  It would get them a place to live and the things they needed until she could get a job and she knew she could now.   She went inside seeing the children listening to Sister Jane.

            Watching them, she felt a hand on her shoulder but when she turned there was no one there.  The warm feeling came over her again and she knew James was there.  He would always be there to watch over them, but there was something Carolyn had to do for herself.  Seeing the look on Bethany and Jimmy’s faces, she knew that she had been given a gift and the angel who had appeared to her and given her the money they would need was small in what she felt right now.

            She closed her eyes and prayed, thanking God for what he had done, taking her family from the depths of despair to starting a new life.  One in which he would be a part of.   She opened her eyes to look at the cross on the wall with the depiction of Jesus.  He had given his son so that she could be free and live, just as he had taken James; he had also given her the hope she needed to continue.

            Later as she talked to Sister Jane expressing her feelings she didn’t feel shame but it was a feeling of love and warmth.  “I want to repay you for what you have given us.  We can get our own place now and I know I’ll find a job.”

            Sister Jane patted her hand, “Carolyn, you have already repaid us.  You have come to understand God’s love and why we celebrate this time of year.  Just keep God in your heart and he will never leave you.”

           

            Every year at Christmas, Carolyn makes time to volunteer to ring the bell.  To collect the funds needed to help those who are without.  Never again did she look upon anyone feeling pity or disdain, but feeling their despair and knowing that one day their Christmas angel would appear to help them find their way back.

            The faith she had pushed aside, feeling comfortable with her home and family was returned after she faced the lowest point in her life.  When she found the shelter, it was her last hope and now she knows that she was guided there by a higher being and her faith has been restored.  Her life has changed.  She doesn’t walk by the bell ringer now without dropping in change or a dollar or two or more if she has it.  She never knows when she might be the Christmas angel for another person just as she had been visited by her Christmas angel.

            Bethany and Jimmy learned as well, that Christmas is a time for giving, but not all gifts are in brightly wrapped packages and each year they visit the shelter to read to the other children or sweep or whatever they can do.  They are giving a gift of love which is more precious than a gift of merchandise.

           

            May we all have a Christmas angel to remind us of this wonderful holiday, the birth of Jesus and the love that God gives to us each day.

Copyright © 2008