AN EVIL BULLY

Definition per Webster's New Revised Edition.

 

evil - adj. Morally bad or wrong, causing injury or other undesirable result; marked by misfortune or distress, low in public esteem.  One Satan.

bully - n. A person who is mean or cruel to weaker people.

The description fits my neighbor to a tee.  He is one of these people who thinks he knows more than anyone else, can do more and better than anyone else and that all his possessions are the best, whether they are or not, they are his so that means it is better than anyone else.  I should also add liar to that description because he is the biggest liar and teller of stories.  He will exaggerate any incident making sure the victim or the person who was wronged was rightfully wronged and that the person who did it, most of the time him, is right and there should be no question because he said so.

I have lived here for over 7 years, long before he moved in and yet he seems to think that he owns the neighborhood and he is the lord and master and all shall bow down to him and do his bidding without question and that he has the right to infringe upon the property of others without invitation, to do whatever he wants to do.  He also thinks it is his right to tell his neighbors how they should live, how they should mow their yards, plant their flowers, paint their houses and in general to allow him to control them.

When my husband was alive, we didn't have much problem as my husband who was honest and forthright would tell him when he was out of line and the bully would back down.  He asked my husband if he could hook on to our well and that he would pay us for the extra electric usage and then proceeded to run the well day and night causing problems.  My husband advised that if he wanted to use it to water his garden or plants once a day that was fine but that he could not allow him to use it to water his whole yard plus the yard of his neighbor who was a relative and to use it 24 hours a day.  It caused some friction for a while but he got over it and there was no more mention of it.  The friction was that he was not able to have free water and so he was upset over it.

My husband had a wood shop and occasionally the neighbor would come over, more out of curiosity than anything and beg for a piece of wood so he wouldn't have to go to town for one board or he would want my husband to cut something for him.  Generally my husband would cut something but seldom gave him any lumber since he knew it would never be returned and he had gone to town to buy it himself.  Yet this neighbor expected him to share.

Eventually he realized that he could not bully or control my husband but there were no words between them or any retaliation of any kind.

However, after my husband passed away in January 2010, things changed.  Even though my daughter was living here at the time and helping me if I needed it which for the most part I didn't.  My husband always thought that I should know how to do things or fix things or at least be familiar with them in case he wouldn't be around even though neither one of us ever thought he would go so fast.  He made sure I had a new mower and tools that I needed and that I knew how to use them and to take care of them.  He also made sure that I knew who to call when there was a problem I could not handle.  At no time did he ever talk down to me or treat me as if I didn't have any sense, nor did he ever bully me or belittle me.  We had over 48 years together and he treated me as his partner and even though I did depend on him, we both knew that I could handle it on my own.

But this neighbor decided on his own, that I was a dumb, defenseless, helpless widow who needed him.  WRONG!  I had to repeatedly tell him to get off my property when he would come over to mow and he scalped my yard so bad since he believed in cutting his grass low, he thought everyone should and I didn't have the same type of grass he had so it died out and left bare spots which are just now filling in after over a year.  He didn't do this just once, but three times and the last time I cursed at him and told him to get off my property or I would call the sheriff and have him removed.  It really ticked him off but he has stayed off.

Instead, he will come to the fence which by the way is mine, and call me over to tell me that it is time I mowed as my weeds are getting into his yard.  And now he is saying that because it is dry and he can't afford to water since he has to pay the bill for water, that it is my fault that his yard is dying because my yard is dying.  Excuse me.  I have no control over the weather and I cannot afford to water an acre of land so I rely on mother nature and rainfall.  But I'm not alone as most of my neighbors are experiencing the same thing because of the heat and drought.

My well is not working now.  We aren't sure but it is possible the motor is burned out as it was making noises and not pumping very good before my husband passed on and so he turned it off before winter and when we attempted to turn it on again in the spring, it will not work.  I do not see the neighbor coming forth to help pay for repairs that were probably caused because of his abuse to the well.  In fact, he will not even mention using it so I think he knows he is responsible.  But I've never said a word to him about it or even asked him to pay for anything.  I've just kept it off and have to rely on our rural water system which is costly if I use it to water much.

He started last fall complaining about all my cats.  He would look into my yard seeing them and then call me over to the fence and tell me they were coming over to his house and tearing up his things.  He has three dogs and a cat of his own so I don't know how he knows it is only my cats that are doing all he says.  Seeing how I've seen his dogs jump up on the yard swings and his cat has walked all over them and even on the cover over them and yet he claims it is my cats doing it.  Guess I'll have to get a picture to show him.

Anyway he has yelled at me, threatened me by telling me that he will kill my cats if they get into his yard and that he will sic his dogs on them.  I try to keep them home but a cat will roam and mine aren't the only ones in the neighborhood but to him, they are and he is bound determined to get rid of them.

He has set up a trap and we know that he has trapped three of them, with him telling one neighbor that he was taking it down to the lake.  They saw the cat in the cage and when he returned later, it was gone and then he bragged that he would lock up his dogs, bait the trap and catch them and he was going to get rid of all my cats one way or the other.

This is one of his ways of bullying.  He cannot control me or make me do what he says or allow him to do what he wants on my property so he knows that it will upset me and make me angry and so what better way to "get even."

I can't stop him from setting up the cage and it is hard to prove that he is actually enticing them over to his property to catch them and I have called the sheriff to file a complaint and to let them know that he is only doing this to intimidate and ire me and as hard as it will be, I have to look the other way and not speak to him or have contact with him and if he persists in speaking to me other than a casual greeting, then I am to call the authorities as it is a form of harassment.

The evil part comes as I sat out on my porch the other night and watched as he took an air rifle and fired at a cat walking down the street, not even close to his house and when it jumped the fence into another neighbor's yard, their dog began to chase it.  This evil bully stood on his porch with his hands crossed on top of his fat belly and gave the most evil laugh I've ever heard.  He thought it was the funniest thing he ever saw and his wife was sitting there listening and didn't say a word.

This same man who as I said thinks he is so smart and knows more and can do more is one who will go to another resident in the area and take his tractor or to another to get his kubota after the county had put down gravel on our road, to push it around close to his driveway to fill in and build it up.  He has used the tractor during our big snow storm to clear the road, leaving a huge pile of snow at the end of my drive after my daughter hand dug it out so we could get a vehicle out.  There was over 2 ft. of snow on the ground and she worked hard only to have him block us in.  Then he got angry when I asked him to clear it and pushed it back into my yard, leaving a deep gash where he dug down and took grass and dirt along with the snow drift.  Again, I kept my composure even though it was hard and didn't make a case out of it but because I asked him to do something after he thought he had done such a fantastic job of clearing the road, it angered him so I kept quiet and knew that come spring time I could fill in the gouging and hoped he wouldn't do it again.

I try not to let the petty things bother me but when they just keep compounding and each time they get a little worse, then it is time to call him out.  And this time I did.  He will probably really retaliate now since I've called the sheriff and had a confrontation with him over this incident.

I must also say that I'm not the only neighbor that has a problem with him but I seem to suffer the most since I'm right next door but he has also tried to tell them that they need to do things or how to do things and he has been ordered off their property just as he has mine.  He borrowed a trailer from another neighbor and somehow damaged the the part that hooks on to a vehicle.  He attempted to repair it but it does not work right and has to be chained down and even then not safe so for all purposes, the trailer is ruined and he never said a word.  He took it back when the neighbor was gone and parked it in his yard without a word and later when asked, at first pretended he didn't know but later said it was minor and he fixed it and let it go.

But what to do about this kind of neighbor is perplexing to say the least.  I will do as the sheriff's deputy advised and not speak or have contact with him but my heart will break each time I see him carting off one of my cats or doing harm to them.  He is a cruel sick evil man who claims he loves animals, but the only ones he cares about is his own.  He carries the cheapest dog treats he can buy and will drive around the area in his golf cart throwing them over fences to other people's dogs and yet no one is allowed to give his dogs a "treat".  He has ruined dogs that have been trained to be watch dogs as he is gaining their trust and he even encouraged one of my dogs to climb the fence to get into his yard and then he played with her.  He even went so far as to throw a dog toy into my yard as he told me that she loved it so much that she could have it.  I threw it back and told him to keep his dog toys and not to encourage her.  He just laughed and told me he liked to play with her.  I had to find another home for her since he had taught her how to climb the fence and had ruined her for a watch dog for me.

I hate to think about selling my home to move elsewhere as it will only make him think he won and that he was smart enough to make me leave here.  I will not give him that satisfaction.  It may be hard for me emotionally but I will pray for the strength I need to keep my distance from him and hope that maybe one day he will realize that no matter what he does, it will make no difference so all the "fun" will go out of trying to upset me.  He is an evil bully who I now call the "whacko" as I really think he has lost his mind and senses and is just an old cruel man who must hate himself as well to be so hateful to all his neighbors. 

Mother's Day

I've been a mother for over 47 years and I feel everyday is Mother's Day.  I received two of the best gifts ever, one on October 14, 1964 and the other on October 28, 1968.  Those are the birthdates of my two daughters who I feel give back to me everyday in some way or other.  Sometimes it is subtle, other times very elaborate and celebratory.  Either way they are my two precious gifts and they have given me four wonderful grandchildren between them.  That is another gift from them that is irreplaceable.

I don't like to get all sappy but when I get into a reflective mood, I think about about the day they were born, what we were doing, where we were living and then I start remembering their first step, first words and then the first day of school.

It brings a smile to my face when I think about their growing up years, the vacations we took, the birthday parties, the games we used to play, first dates and then graduation and moving out on their own.  But it is always hard when the child leaves as an adult ready to face the challenges of the world and all a mother can do is pray that she had done her job and they will be a success and most of all be happy.

I feel blessed that they both are independent and successful in their own ways.  They may not be wealthy but in a lot of ways they are wealthy in means way beyond finances.  They have worked hard and they have taken care of their own children which makes me proud when I see them and see how my grandchildren are turning out.  

The oldest grandson has a great job with a great future ahead of him and the next is entering that stage in her life where she is growing into a young woman who already knows what she wants for her future.  The next one is at that stage of betwixt.  She is still a child and yet wants to be grown up and she will soon enough.  The youngest is at the age of youth.  Not yet in his teens but active in his own way with a great imagination and I know that all of them will go on to be a success in whatever they do.

So as I get ready to celebrate another Mother's Day, I will enjoy the cards  and gifts I have received, await the phone calls to hear those sweet voices and rejoice in knowing I still have the best gifts I ever received.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my daughters who are now mothers and in memory to my own mother who in her wise wisdom gave me the values to instill in my own daughters.  It is a gift that is passed down from generation to generation, the love of a Mother for her child and the gift they give back with their love.

May Day 2012

April has come and gone and very quickly I might add.  I'm not sure how it passed by so fast without much notice but here we are celebrating the first day of May.  In fact, it is hard to believe that it is the beginning of the fifth month of this new year.  I guess that old saying, "the older you get, the faster time goes," is true.

Yesterday, April 30, was my birthday and it was a grand day.  My oldest daughter came down to spend the day with me.  We made a trip to Walmart where she bought my present, four bags of mulch to put in an area on the north end of the house.  It was the nicest gift and something I really wanted and could use.  She also brought down a cake and then ordered in pizza to be shared by my grandson, Zach and his friend, Bob and my friend and neighbor, Spike.  We all had a good time visiting and after everyone went home, Melanie and I went out to sit on the porch and talked.  It was a nice evening and gave us a chance to catch up on our visiting. 

She spent the night so this morning she helped me put down the mulch and then we worked on the shed behind the house.  We found some items for the upcoming yard sale and did some organizing and clean up.  It was as much fun as work at times when we would discover something I hadn't seen for a while and a few items I didn't even know were there as they had belonged to my husband.  Since she still has some things stored out there, we went through them as well.  We got a lot done but still a little more to do and I can handle it on my own.

We had a nice lunch and then went out to the other shed where we are storing all the yard sale stuff and got it marked and separated.  Not sure when we will be having the sale but hope it will be soon as I'd like to clean up that shed as well.

We took a rest before she had to start back and sat out on the porch.  It was a gorgeous day but a little on the windy side but made it comfortable to sit out there.  We also discovered there were kittens in my car and when we lifted the hood, we found three little ones wrapped around the engine compartment.  We got them out and hopefully they learned and won't get in there again but I'll be checking before starting up the car.  They are at the age where the mama cat is beginning to wean them, so they scamper here and there and want to act big and brave but like to hide in those hard to get to places.

We had a great time together and it has been a quiet evening for me but I have some good memories and I know we can always talk on the phone.  

I did talk to my other daughter who is experiencing some aggravating rashes that the doctors keep giving her meds for but don't seem to be helping.  Hopefully they might have her on something now that will help her.  Not sure what it is but they said it was allergic reaction to some plant or something.  Makes you wonder just how competent they are if they aren't even sure about it.  So I hope it heals up soon and she gets some relief.

She called me yesterday evening and I got to talk to each of the grandkids too.  That was a nice little gift too. It would have been nice to have seen them but to talk to them was just as good.

Anyway, the day is over and now we are starting a whole new month.  It won't be much longer and we will be out of this spring weather into summer and hopefully it won't be a long hot and dry summer like we had last year.

We didn't wrap any may poles today or deliver any may baskets but it was still a great day.

April Tidbits

I've meant to come in and write something all month but it seemed there was always something coming up and I'd miss the opportunity.

April 1st, April Fool's Day.  Luckily I didn't have any pranks pulled on me and unfortunately I didn't pull any on anyone else.  But I guess that is a good thing.

Easter.  I can remember Easter past when we would have an egg hunt and the kids were here for dinner and we would gather for a mini reunion but this year I was alone.  I didn't even get the Easter Egg collection out.  The family is scattered and working or have their own things to do which is normal as families grow and get involved in their own lives.  Sometimes I wonder though if we should make a more concentrated effort to get back to the way we used to do things.  We are in such a rat race anymore.  Now, there are circumstances and I certainly understand them.  Sometimes it is necessary to work just to survive.  Especially in this day and age.  The economy has deteriorated until it makes it almost impossible sometimes to do the things we have done in the past.  

With high gas prices, we can't just get into the car and drive to see the family without seeing where we have to cut something out of the budget so we can afford the trip.  And then there is the cost of extras for a trip, food or even lodging at times.  And of course, there is the every day survival.

But I talked with my family and I won't complain as I know it is a fact of life that it changes and sometimes we cannot control those changes so we learn how to live with them.

This has been a weird month with the weather, starting out very warm and I called the serviceman to checkout the a/c and since then haven't had the warm weather to even use it.  There are days when the furnace clicks on due to the damp chilly day or a chilly night.  We've had our fair share of storms and rain and I hope we don't float away but at the same time I don't want the fountain to shut off completely as I dread another hot dry summer.

This past week has been something else.  It started out nice after all the horrible weather we had over the previous weekend with the tornadoes and bad storms.  I got the mower out and was ready to work when it broke.  Luckily I have a young neighbor across the street who told me what it was and we were able to order the part and he will be able to fix it and get me going again.  But on that same day, I went to turn on the outside outlet which is a no-fault ground outlet but I heard the sizzle and saw the smoke coming out of it.  All the rains we've had, it had gotten wet and shorted out.  So it was a call to an electrician the same day I had to order repair parts for the mower.  I could see the $$ adding up.

I again feel lucky and fortunate as the part wasn't all that expensive and the quote for the electrical work plus a couple of other things I wanted done and had put off was well within reason.  I guess the shorted out electric outlet was my signal to quit procrastinating and get the electrician out here to do the other work I needed done.  For instance, he will use the wiring from the old hookup that we installed for the trailer to run a new line and install another outlet for me outside on the north side of the house.  We have a shortage of outside outlets so it will be great to have another one.  Plus he will lower the porch light on the north side.  It was mounted almost to the peak of the house and required a ladder to change the light bulb but he can lower it so I can use the step stool.  Little things but so important.

On the 17th, my youngest grandson turned 11.  Oh, these kids are growing up so fast.

My neighbor has been fishing and has caught a huge mess so the last of this month we will be having a big fish fry.  My mouth is already watering.  He can make the best catfish filets and hush puppies.

I'm still working on my landscaping in the front and hopefully once this weather settles down, I can really get busy and get it finished.  I have the timbers in place but haven't put the plastic down yet.  I'll wait until I get the mulch here for that.  Then I can get my flowers and plant them and soon the old place will be all spruced up for the rest of spring into summer and fall.

Just a few tidbits about what is going on in my little corner of the world.  I hope you and yours are doing well.  Until next time, smile and be happy and don't let life's little mishaps get you down.

Springtime in Oklahoma

After a very mild winter, one of which I am most thankful for, our spring came early.  The Daffodils were up and blooming by mid February and the Hyacinths which usually are just beginning their bloom have bloomed and are going dormant now. 

Spring has come early to Oklahoma.  But with it also comes the unstable weather.  I wanted to work in the yard, raking leaves to burn or mulch.  I discovered quickly that the most calmest day could change with a snap of the fingers or should I say, the start of the rake as I raked leaves into a pile.  All of a sudden, a slight breeze would appear from no where and then get stronger until all my work went right back to where it all started.

It is the same way with the mower.  I got it out one day when it was nice and calm and before I had made one round the wind had suddenly appeared and from then on, I think I received more of the dirt and mulched up leaves than was left on the ground.

I don't remember having this much wind in Oklahoma when we lived here before but now there are days when I'm housebound somewhat due to the wind blowing.  It is too much to do any raking and forget about burning the pile of leaves if I do get them raked.

But I also have one other little problem.  One night, it was calm and I took advantage of the lateness of the evening to rake a nice large pile of leaves into the driveway.  I was raking away and heard a noise.  I turned to see two of my kitty cats running and jumping in the middle of the pile and digging away as if looking for treasure.  Reminded me of my own daughters when they were young and we would tell them to rake up the leaves only to see them jumping in the pile and having a ball.  Needless to say I was able to get the kitties away and burned the one small pile as the sun set and darkness set in.  Making sure the embers were out, I retired for the night hoping the next day would be nice enough that I could burn the rest.  But when I am raking now, they seemed to think it is play time.

But the next day Mother Nature had other ideas.  First, she turned on the wind to blow the pile of remaining leaves into all the nooks and crannies where they could pile up and collect and when she turned off the wind, she turned on the faucet.  Yes, rain with all its glory of thunder, lightning, wind and downpours.  For over 48 hours, we could only look out to see the puddles forming.

It was a great thing for the yard and flowers and trees and after the drought we suffered last year, the soil soaked up the moisture and the trees were taking in as much as they could.  With the new leaves forming, they needed the good drink and they got it.  The pollen they had been shedding was being washed away leaving yellow streaks on the sidewalk where it had formed into streamlets from the rain.

Ah, the occasional break with the sun peeking through and sometimes even giving us the clear blue sky only to cover up again with storm clouds and more rain showers.  Mother Nature does like to tease during the spring time.  At times, her fury is unleashed as the storms increase causing damage but we know her temper will subside soon and the gentle rains will go away along with the storms, or most of them.

As we progress from spring into summer, the storms she gives us are more severe and more threatening but are few and far between, but at the time, we head for cover waiting for her vengeance to end and praying that we have escaped her fury.

But then, we can have the most loveliest of days, perhaps a very gentle breeze but warm sunshine and the joy of being outside with nature to enjoy the beauty it gives us.  To take walks or to sit on the porch to listen to the birds and as I like to say, watch the world go by.  To visit with neighbors and friends is one of the joys of springtime and being able to be outside.

I think I like the springtime the best in Oklahoma.  The days are warm and to watch the waking of the trees and flowers after their winter nap makes each day seem special and alive with the new life.  To put up with a few rain drops occasionally can be a nuisance but I know it is a requirement so I bide my time knowing that once the rain is gone, the sun will shine and it is springtime in Oklahoma.

In Memory

It was a year ago today that I had a message on my answering machine that my mother had passed away.  I was expecting it but at the same time, we are never ready to let someone we love go.  It had just been over a year that I had lost my husband and now I had lost my other best friend, my mother.  The grief I felt was deep but at the same time I felt some relief knowing she was no longer in pain or discomfort.  Her last few weeks had been horrible for her.  She had been taken from a nice caring place and subjected to a long ride which resulted in a stroke.  Then based upon false information, she was put through tests and treatments that were unnecessary and only tormented and tortured her.

I think that is what hurt the worst.  My brother and I had a long talk with her before we took her to the care home and we had a long talk with her afterwards and she was accepting her life change and  settling in.  But a family member could not accept it and through lies and deceit convinced her to leave.  The act of one unselfish and jealous person would hasten my mother's death.  It was so inconceivable to my brother and I that anyone could treat another human being the way my mother was treated.  And the fact, that we were cut off with communicating with her until it was near the end and she was in such a state that she didn't recognize our voices or heard what we said hurt both of us deeply.

As we both repeated how much we loved her and wished her the best, she was beyond comprehension.  In one short month, she had been turned from a social human being into one who was completely helpless.  We stood by and could do nothing but pray that she would find peace and her suffering would end.

It is a memory that I wish I could put away but I can't.  I feel as if I never really got to say good bye to her.  But I do know this and no one could ever change her mind.  My mother loved her children and even though she might not have been able to communicate with us, I'm sure she knew my brother and I loved her and were concerned for her regardless what she was being told or how she was being treated.

In this past year, I don't know how many times I've gone to the phone to call her to tell her about something.  I called her every Sunday for years and we would talk anywhere from an hour to three hours.  We talked about what we were doing or what the kids and grandkids were doing.  We talked about politics sometimes, but we each knew our limit but we still enjoyed a good conversation every now and then but most of all we did a lot of laughing.  Sometimes she would be in a reflective mood and tell me about growing up or the early years when my brother and I were small or something about the family.  I relish those conversations that we had and miss them so much.

It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last heard her voice.  But there are times when I think I hear her and I can see her in my mind, laughing and giving us that all knowing sly smile she often flashed at us.  She was a strong woman who chose to live on her own until almost the very end and she only gave up when her eyesight had failed her to the point she was almost completely blind.  She managed very well and now that I am on my own, I remember some of the things she told me which have helped me overcome some of the difficulties I've faced.  She always said to stop and think and not just jump at the first thing that came along and to take each day as it came because there was no way to go back to do over the previous day and we don't know what lay ahead of us.  She believed in God and in heaven and I know she is there and she always told me as well as my brother and her younger child that we should live a good but righteous life.  I think that is why my faith is so strong.  She was a good teacher and a good example.

So Mom, if you are looking down on me, I hope I am doing everything you taught me and making you proud.  I know that you are with Dad and Harold (Danny) and I miss you all so much but I hope you are looking down on me and that I am making you all proud.  And the memories of our good times will always be with me.  I love you and I miss you.

The Simple Things

We all experience little things that makes us happy and they don't all have to be large extravagant things.  Most of them are small and maybe a little insignificant to others but they mean a lot to us.  It is the simple things sometimes that can make us happiest.

Maybe it is a phone call from a child or grandchild just to talk or a visit from someone who haven't seen in a while.  It could be the first blooms of spring that brings a smile as you know it won't be long until the cold days of winter are behind us.

Recently I've had a series of simple things that have brought me happiness.  A neighbor who used to live across the street from me came by and I got to see her 4 month old baby boy.  I hadn't seen him since he was about 3 weeks old so he had changed.  I told her the first time I saw her that he gave me a smile and of course she just assumed he had gas but the other day she couldn't say that when he gave me the biggest smile and even giggled at me.  And when I took him, he giggled again.  So either I look awfully funny to him or he likes me and I think it is the later.  And there is nothing sweeter than a happy baby with a smile and who will snuggle up to you.

Then one evening the phone rang and it was my youngest granddaughter.  She was working on a school project and thought maybe I could help her.  We had more fun as I researched things on the internet to tell her about and stories from my memories.  Talking and laughing made the learning fun for her and I just enjoyed being able to enlighten her to something of my past too.

I've been desperately trying to find someone who could help me do a small remodeling job and was about ready to start doing it on my own, right or wrong, I was at the point that I wanted it done one way or the other.  And then, out of the blue, my neighbor's father approached me with a trade off.  He would do the work in exchange for some lumber I had and hadn't been able to sell.

It took him just a little over two days to put up a dividing wall on my long screened in patio.  He screened it and installed a door and then preceded to open the closed end so now I have a screened in porch and a carport.  It makes it very nice and handy as I can park close to the front door and the weather will not be a problem.

Having a place to park the car out of the weather is a very important thing to me as I always worried about a tree limb coming down or hail and now I know it is protected.  And I still have a nice size screened in porch that I can enjoy.

I've got so many good friends that have been there for me and are still here for me.  It is nice to be with them and talk and laugh and to go do fun things.

So maybe I don't live the most exciting life with a lot of pomp and circumstance but there are a lot of simple things that make me smile and makes me happy.